Feeling worthless
Posted , 4 users are following.
hi it's my first time on a forum on depression and the first time I feel able to talk honestly about how I feel. I've suffered with depression on and off for the past 31years, after the birth of my only child. This episode of depression is very very bad. When I wake up every morning I feel down,think of ending it all and even planning my funeral. I think people close to me would be better off without me being here. I struggle every day and find myself feeling tearful or anger for no apparent reason. When I was in my twenties I had lots of friends, a good job and was full of confidence. This has slowly disappeared over the years. I am married to my second husband who,when I had a very bad time just over a year ago resulting in me being on the sick for six weeks,didn't know what to do. He has never experienced feelings of worthlessness,hopelessness and always "looks on the bright side of life".i couldn't talk to him and pretended to get better with a prescription for antidepressants,which I still take.i don't feel I belong I feel detached from my surroundings. The self loathing is constantly there and I can't stop thinking what a waste my life has been. I can't remember when I last felt at peace with myself and don't believe I ever will again. I never seem to be able to stop the negative thoughts I have and just see a lonely dark path ahead. I have tried talking to myself telling myself how fortunate I am and that there are people who are worst off than me but that only makes me feel worst. I do have thoughts of killing myself ,how I will do it and even my funeral. Leaving instructions stating that I don't want anyone at my funeral I want to be forgotten that I'm not worth a second thought.im so tired of feeling this way . Thank you for letting me be honest about how I feel.
2 likes, 4 replies
jessamy janet65232
Posted
Hi Janet, my first time on here. I don't know if this is any use what so ever, but you're not alone - just reading your post and I can relate to so many things you say. I'm 20 and have suffered with depression despite having everything I could wish for, a great family and a job I enjoy. I still wake up feeling alone and with feeling of dread despite having no reason to feel this way at all. I worry constantly about things that may never happen, or not for a very long time. Senarios will run through my head about loosing loved ones and I'll work myself up into a state about it. My partner doesn't understand at all, he doesn't understand how someone can feel so bad when they have no visible reason. I hope you don't feel alone because you're certainly not, just reading your post made me realise I'm not alone in feeling this way. Sorry not a helpful comment but I hope this makes you feel a little less alone x
janet65232 jessamy
Posted
Hi jessamy thank you for your reply.your comments do make me feel better knowing that I'm not alone does help a lot.
wayne1962 janet65232
Posted
Hi Janet - sorry to read of your situation and I would like to echo Jess's comment that you are not alone. All those negatives you have written is the depression talking. One of the worst things that can be said to us is "get over it" or "what have you got to be depressed about?" If we had the answer we wouldn't be dealing with the question. This disease is insidious, invisible and dangerous. I was wondering whether you have considered addressing the meds you are taking? Whether something else might be a better fit for you? There are so many different types available and what is sauce for the goose in not necessarily good for the gander. Also, it might be a matter of tweaking the dosage. Another question is whether you have had any sort of therapy - psychologist for instance, to see if there are any underlying issues that could be exacerbating the condition? Like many others, I too have tried to "think" my way out of depression. Didn't work. If you are suicidal, you need to address that. You might think everyone would be better off without you around, but the reality would be very different. It's the depression talking. Hang in there. Explore avenues for help. You are not alone. And we are always here to talk.
bebe62421 janet65232
Posted
Hey Janet thank u for sharing your feelings,and I know you are struggling,I'm always here if you wanna talk.I uesd to feel worthless and hopeless and I was crying and crying didn't know what to do, I seekedhelp for my friends and internet.Actually it worked a little bit.Try to work out,or something new,tell yourself you are good give it a try.It's gonna be alright?