Posted , 4 users are following.
hi it's my first time on a forum on depression and the first time I feel able to talk honestly about how I feel. I've suffered with depression on and off for the past 31years, after the birth of my only child. This episode of depression is very very bad. When I wake up every morning I feel down,think of ending it all and even planning my funeral. I think people close to me would be better off without me being here. I struggle every day and find myself feeling tearful or anger for no apparent reason. When I was in my twenties I had lots of friends, a good job and was full of confidence. This has slowly disappeared over the years. I am married to my second husband who,when I had a very bad time just over a year ago resulting in me being on the sick for six weeks,didn't know what to do. He has never experienced feelings of worthlessness,hopelessness and always "looks on the bright side of life".i couldn't talk to him and pretended to get better with a prescription for antidepressants,which I still take.i don't feel I belong I feel detached from my surroundings. The self loathing is constantly there and I can't stop thinking what a waste my life has been. I can't remember when I last felt at peace with myself and don't believe I ever will again. I never seem to be able to stop the negative thoughts I have and just see a lonely dark path ahead. I have tried talking to myself telling myself how fortunate I am and that there are people who are worst off than me but that only makes me feel worst. I do have thoughts of killing myself ,how I will do it and even my funeral. Leaving instructions stating that I don't want anyone at my funeral I want to be forgotten that I'm not worth a second thought.im so tired of feeling this way . Thank you for letting me be honest about how I feel.
2 likes, 4 replies