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I feel all of your pain here and wonder what has helped you guys get through all of this?
I have very much the same miserable medical diagnosis history as many/most of you and also a cytochrome imbalance which prevents metabolism of most opiates. I've been on 75-100mcg x 24-48 hours for the past 5 years, more with surgeries of course (methadone and other high dose injectable narcotics before that which changed when we found the CYP imbalances), along with high doses of oxycodone or dilaudid for breakthrough.
I first made the mistake of moving from CA to WA to take care of my mom, but luckily I quickly found a wonderful doctor in WA to continue my medication therapies. During this last late July and early August I slowly moved to TX because my daughter got into college here and it's been the worst experience of my life. 10+ doctors, over $2500 out of pocket expenses and more coming due to ER visits and nobody wants anything to do with me. So no tapering down, no medical detox, no possibility of even assisting therapy such as clonodine. I went from at least 75mcg with added breakthrough meds to absolutely nothing (they won't even continue the Estrogen I have taken since my complete hysterectomy in 2012 so let's add hormone imbalance along with cold turkey detox, yay). The withdrawals are absolutely feeling like if it doesn't kill me I might like it to just to end this hell. On top of the typical withdrawal hell and miserable pain that I know won't go away much after the withdrawal because I've done this before, only medically controlled, I've been having seizures along with times where it feels like my brain is stroking off and I can't move or speak or control my breathing. I'm so broke that I've had to deny 911 and ER visits now (like when I publicly collapsed with another seizure in Kroger's), and since I have no history of epilepsy I'm terrified they'll take my drivers license away and also terrified if I drive I could have another episode and hurt someone or myself or worse.
I've been working through my old CBT pain therapy workbooks on my own as well as meditating as often as I can but I still feel like nothing is helping. I have never felt so helpless and scared in my life. I know my brain is stuck in fight or flight mode because of the chemistry changes but I can't stand the idea that this could last for years in addition to the constant state of pain.
Sorry I'm venting so much, I honestly just wanted to know what, if anything, has helped anybody else going through this inhumane and horrendous process?
?Much love and appreciation.
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