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Past 10 months have been very difficult for me, trying to learn how to cope with living with fibromyalgia syndrome. What a roller-coaster it has been, and I've been following these forums quite a bit and it seems to me that those who I've been following that have fibro seems to still have their spouse or partner supporting them. They aren't living alone and lonely.

My husband chose to dessert me as soon as I was diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondyloarthritis and 12 months later diagnosed also with fibromyalgia. With chronic pain and anxiety and depression I am unable to earn an income. I've always had 2 - 3 jobs and been very energetic.

How do I move on from this - we've been married 37 years ?

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  • Posted

    I can. Imagine how tough it is for you as I have  had Fibromyalgia for over ten years then had frozen shoulder for four years which resulted in shoulder surgery. I am now 16 months post op . I am a single mother and my sons are officially my carers. Recently I have started work again which Iam finding utterly exhausting. I just take each day as it comes and have a hot bath with Epsom salts as often as I can. Do you family and fr.iends who could support you? 
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  • Posted

    I have had a husband for 30 odd years and would be better off on my own.  I have been diagnosed with fibro officially a yea ago with all the symptoms for past 6 years.  I do work full time and i admit its a struggle getting through each day but i am better working as it gives me a purpose. when i dont work its seems to take me forever to get out the house or do anything.  My husband is oblivious to me shuffling about and looking miserable even though I left the fibro leaflet lying about.  I too think its amazing to have someone support you.

    Maybe have something to keep you busy for a little bit each day if you are unable to work, even voluntary work might help keep you occupied.  

    Its a very difficult condition to have as its not visible.

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  • Posted

    Hi Jillian. Well sweetie, it is obvious that your husband has some very deep seated issues of his own and he cannot cope with any demands on himself. Men in general are not supportive when it comes to illness. They tend to escape in one way or another. Even us who have husbands, cannot usually rely on them for emotional support or true understanding. Those men are rare indeed. If he is not understanding or supportive of your challenges Jillian, then he will also be a factor in not coping as well as you could if he was not in the picture. This is his choice and really I am sure, that it has nothing to do with you. Fibromyalgia sufferers have often given way too much of their energy to others and carried loads that were much too heavy for one person. We tend to take on the issues of people in our lives and feel that we have to fix them or carry their load for them. We don't! Who carries our load? So now is the time to find your own self worth and value the lovely  person you truly are Jillian! You can move on. Get involved in some self help situations including reading everything you can on building your self esteem. You also must learn to accept and respect your Limitations. Nurture yourself for a change. Form new friendships if possible. Or draw closer to the friends you already have. At first you will talk mainly about your situation but in time your heart will heal. A long marriage is difficult to forget of course, I was married to my first husband for 22 years, but you will turn the page eventually sweetie. You cannot force someone to love and value you. And you don't want to be with someone who doesn't! Value yourself Jillian. We tend to get down on ourselves and feel worthless and failures. But obviously these men have issues that we could never fully understand. Some have depression or Aspergers or ADHD, or a background of abuse. These are issues that we as wives cannot fix. We can endure a great deal sweetie but we cannot really change them, they have to come to that point on their own. You will be able to cope in time. Trust your abilities despite your health challenges. Look at all you have been through already Jillian! Acceptance is very healing. There are many situations in life that we have no control over. The only control we can have is of our response.  Write down all your emotions and frustrations and get it out in a journal. Allow yourself to Cry and grieve. It is the normal process of healing. No one will take care of you the way you can take care of yourself sweetie. Treat yourself as you would a beloved child or friend. You are worthy of that! I have been there my dear girl and I speak from experience. The one I am married to now has many issues from his childhood and other behavioural disfunction. So things are never perfect sweetie. Just go on putting one foot in front of the other and learn your value. You are never alone in your struggles. Remember that. And others have gotten through these obstacles and you can also! Warm gentle hugs sweetie. Maggie xx

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  • Posted

    I feel for you as I also have ankylosing spondy in my neck, have had to have my jaw joints replaced as they were wearing against one another, have really bad knee pain in both and pain in my arms, legs probably thinking about it everywhere.  My husband although is still with me, ended up in prison for nearly two years and has only come out in the last 6 months.  I do find that you find a way of coping on your own.  You have all of the friends on this forum to support you although we cant replace your husband we do know how you feel about your condition and hopefully give you some tips on how to ease or cope with symptoms.  Some men just run at the first hurdle but you are a strong person just to copy with fibromyalgia so lets help each other.
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  • Posted

    Hi jillian

    I use the inframass for 8 months and I am still amazed after every session.

    Especially in this period, because of the cold the pain in my back comes more often. But the warmth of the infrared really do their work.

    I feel relieved after every session (15min) , I highly recommend it.

    Have a nice day!

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