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Finally broken...need to vent

Posted , 8 users are following.

Bobbins059
Bobbins059

Hi Ladies. Last night was another argument from hell with hubby, our sex life is near non-existent, I feel so crappy with everything menopausal & any thoughts towards 'a bit fun' just aren't happening..he says the lack of sex/intimacy makes him angry & frustrated(I do understand that) "his attitude is whatever ails you, have sex, it'll make you feel better"...says he's had enough & enough of my crying/moods...wants a proper wife & told me I should go back(where I lived before moving to Oz) I feel sick, sad & lonely. The tiny bit of thread that was holding our marriage I think has now finally broken. My track record(lol) isn't great, this is my third marriage & I thought I got everything right this time but obviously not...autistic traits & discovering being asexual don't create harmony in marriage!. Maybe I should 'go back' & become a recluse, I feel I'm not worth much. How I am or going to survive all the meno/hormonal upheaval I don't know. Sorry for being a bag of misery, just needed to vent...inside, my frustration & sadness screams...I just want to be normal! 

Take Care

1 like, 8 replies

8 Replies

  • gailannie
    gailannie Bobbins059

    Posted

    Bobbins, I am sorry for your situation.  But try to seperate the marriage relationship with menopause symptoms.  While one can make the other worse, hormones (or lack there of) won't make a bad relationship work.  

    I do get your husband's complaint about a lack of sex, but sex starts long before the bedroom.  It's difficult to feel sexy without some estrogen on board, but also difficult, if you're not treated lovingly all day long.  

    You might consider some vaginal estrogen if pain and dryness is an issue during sex.  

    Sorry this is so hard. Nature just didn't make this easy on us girls.  

  • lisa215
    lisa215 Bobbins059

    Posted

    I'm so sorry you're feeling so awful but maybe you're blaming too much on menopausal symptoms. I'm no Dr but,although a lot of what you describe could well be menopause symptoms, they sound more like depression which may or may not be caused by menopause.

    Personally I think that we blame every possible symptom on menopause and this blinkers us sometimes to what's really going on in our lives and relationships.

    It does seem that constantly looking at the never ending list of peri symptoms, especially when in an already depressed and unhappy state of mind, will just make us feel worse. We all know the basic symptoms that we all have and I get that its easy to blame everything on menopause but don't always assume its hormonal. Sometimes we just need to make a change and to be brutal, we need to stop and take stock of what's important and do stuff that makes us happy.

    Women have been going into menopause for hundreds of years, its not nice but its life.

    I've watched this forum with interest but I'll not be reading it again, its becoming depressing!

    • Bobbins059
      Bobbins059 lisa215

      Posted

      Hi Lisa, sorry I'm a harbinger of gloom, yes maybe a lot of my woes are depression as well as meno. Everything seemed to get worse when I gave up smoking cold turkey 2yrs ago, whether that aggravated or worsened what meno symptoms I had I'm not sure but before that I was a get up n go happier more stable person able to cope with anything. I also gave up work 3yrs ago for personal reasons, not related to anything menopausal. This forum is my only support. Again sorry to be so dour.

      Take Care

  • bobbysgirl
    bobbysgirl Bobbins059

    Posted

    What's 'normal'?

    I guess I'm lucky in my marriage - my first but my OH's 3rd. It's not all plain sailing we have had more than our fair share of problems. So much so that I always say we went through the 'for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health BEFORE we got married.

    A few years back we were waiting for my sister at the airport when a woman walked past with the biggest bum I've ever seen (didn't help that she was wearing lycra leggingseek) OH turned to me and said 'If you ever end up like that I'll leave you'. I replied 'have you looked in the mirror lately darling? You are no oil painting yourself'? I think some men forget that they age too!

    It must be so hard for your 'perfect' OH to be living with an imperfect human.lol

    Never mind girl. YOU matter, YOU count, YOU deserve better! If you can't talk things through don't look at it as a failure - look at it as a new beginning.

    In 1998 I lived in England. I had my own house (shared with mum), my own car, friends and a beautiful garden, but no job (redundant) My realtionship with my, then boyfriend, was looking very shaky. I had done a little freelance (I'm a designer) for an Irish company and from out of the blue I was offered a 6 month contract in Ireland.

    17 years later we are still here! I am the last person to go out looking for adventure - but I did, and it's the best move I ever made. And the boyfriend? my husband of 15 years.

    You might feel lonely, but you are not alone. Just remember you have friends here.

    • Bobbins059
      Bobbins059 bobbysgirl

      Posted

      How are you? Thankyou for your reply. Moving to Australia was my chance of starting again after a variety of personal ups n downs over several years. Is where I want to be & I love where I'm living( been well provided for)but it's getting really differcult as to whether I should still be here & to move back to whence I came OMG! the questions id get about the why's & wherefore's etc😞 might sound trivial but.......maybe it's time to be with my family.  
    • bobbysgirl
      bobbysgirl Bobbins059

      Posted

      I DO so understand. My sister is still in England, as are my OH's children and grandchildren. But my friends and my life is here.

      It is easier for me, two, 1 1/2 hour car journeys and a 45 minute flight is all that separates us.

      Ask yourself the question, present problems aside, where do I feel happiest?

      I've just remembered something! Some years back I met a guy who had moved to Oz, married and had a family. His marriage broke down and he moved back to England. But it was not (in his opinion) the country he had left. His family and friends had moved on. He was unemployed, couldn't afford a place of his own or even to return to Oz. He was missing his children and said moving back was the worst mistake he ever made. Poor guy, I did feel sorry for him.

      There is a song that says 'everywhere you go, you always take the weather with you'. I saw a poster the other day, it made me smile. it said 'Life is not about avoiding the storms, it's about learning to dance in the rain.'

      That's a wish for us all. Come on ladies, lets dance in the rain!biggrin

  • susan21149
    susan21149 Bobbins059

    Posted

    Hi bobbins sorry you are feeling so low about yourself. Your husband should not treat you like this. You are a good person and yes you will be normal again. 

    Have you ever thought about being put on something for depression 

    You are worth something

    Yes i have a tendacy of putting myself down but you are a good person 

    You are God child and that means you are a great person 

    Try to think positive and think positive things 

     

  • sheryl37154
    sheryl37154 Bobbins059

    Posted

    Yes, this is often how marriages break up.  In all the posts that you have posted regarding your current situation, you do not mention being proactive about doing something about your symptoms.  You refuse hrt, and just sound to be wallowing in your misery.

    Sorry, if I sound harsh, BUT there are things you can do.  Have you read the book you requested me to send details of yet?  It is full of suggestions by a dr who specializes in menopause treatment.

    Honestly, I do feel like I have to 'unfollow' the menopause forum again because of all the self induced suffering.  Yes, menopause is hell, but you don't have to suffer it.

     

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