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Finding it difficult after my husband's heart bypass

Posted , 5 users are following.

betsi75
betsi75

We have only been married a short while, and 3 weeks ago my husband suffered a heart attack and needed bypass surgery. i adore my husband but find his mood swings difficult when he's shouting at my children( this is not him at all!)... I feel my world is crumbling, our family holiday has been cancelled, we are due to move house shortly and now the mortgage company are refusing to pay until he is back full time in work.( we are currenttly renting and been given notice by landlord also)...i feel it's such a mess....any one else experienced this....???

0 likes, 15 replies

15 Replies

  • derek76
    derek76 betsi75

    Posted

    Sorry to hear how badly things are going for you all.

    Mood swings are quite common after heart surgery due to the anesthetic, the shock to the system and more importantly for men the loss of being in command of one’s life. He will get better and back to normal but you need to help him get his confidence back during his rehab period that will take about three months. It is not easy for him.    

    • betsi75
      betsi75 derek76

      Posted

      Thank you for your response and yes you are right and as a nurse myself I feel bad for finding this difficult..

      I want to give him the independence of being responsible of taking his own medication but he's totally dependant on me sorting them out and leaving them ready for him when I leave for work..

    • derek76
      derek76 betsi75

      Posted

      God! I'm 80 and had my heart valve replaced three years ago and a pacemaker fitted ten days ago and handle all of my own meds. And I keep a check on what I'm given. Last year I was prescribed Amiodarone when already taking warfarin and my INR shot up. The cardiologist who prescribed it did not know that the warfarin should have then been reduced nor did my GP or the INR nurse at the surgery. I had to research it and tell them why my INR was so high.

      After my pacemaker was fitted I was given Diltiazem in hospital plus a prescription for another two weeks supply. The hospital discharge medication notification just said 180 mg Diltiazem MR and my GP gave me a prescription for more yesterday.

      The ones I got from the pharmacy yesterday were the same maker but a different colour from the ones I had the previous week so I checked in BNF and found that there are several modified release versions and that I had been given the 12 hour modified release version that has to be taken twice day rather than the 24 hour release  once a day version.

      I have had several instances of contra indicated drugs being prescribed. So many of the people you see in cardiology are just passing through as part of their general training and our lives are in their hands. 

      Some hospitals give out a Medicines Record Chart that lists the Name/Strength of the Medication, the dosage and five boxes marked with the times of day to take each one and what it is for.

      Or you can buy special containers to put the medications in for the week ahead marked with the days and times. My 92 year old neighbour looked after all of her ones that way................If she could do it???

      Some people use a reminder function on their mobile to tell them it is pill time.

       

  • christabel87486
    christabel87486 betsi75

    Posted

    Hi,and I am sorry that things are really difficult for you at the moment.

    Having recently undergone open heart surgery myself can I say that it is very early days for your husband. The effects of the surgery take time to recover from, mentally as well as physically but there is a lot of help out there. If you are offered rehab sessions at the hospital then take them as this leads to more help and advice it also builds your confidence and recovery is much more positive. Yes, things have changed but you can recover - and well.  If you contact the British Heart Foundation then they can send you booklets to help you understand all that is going on. They are there to support you and all the family.

    I wish you all well. It will come right in the end  just hang in there.

    • betsi75
      betsi75 christabel87486

      Posted

      Thank you.. As a nurse myself, everyone expects me to have the answers and provide all his care when at times I feel I'm struggling juggling him and the children & working full time... X
    • derek76
      derek76 betsi75

      Posted

      With school Summer holidays is he having to look after the children? 
    • betsi75
      betsi75 derek76

      Posted

      No Derek, I'm off for 2 weeks now and made arrangements when I was in work or I worked from home....
    • derek76
      derek76 betsi75

      Posted

      That's good as kids need a lot of attention and entertaining during a long wet summer.

      How does a nurse work from home?  Once when I came out of hospital I was given a 24 hour number for emergencies. When I phoned it on a Saturday morning I could hear taps running and a washing machine spinning in her kitchen.

    • betsi75
      betsi75 derek76

      Posted

      Im fortunate to be a lecturer and therfore can be flexible to work from home...the cardiac rehab nurse came to see us today and said she would refer him for rehab..but feel everything is pretty much up to me to sort when my background is not cardiology..... Well done you on your independence! Ive bought a medication dispenser ready which he will have to start using! 
    • derek76
      derek76 betsi75

      Posted

      Wow, I did not get a visit from a cardiac rehab nurse. Cardio Rehab Physios kept in touch by phone unti I started to go to classes when recovered enough. I found them rather a waste of time as they were not energetic enough. I was definately the oldest there but the rest had never walked or exercised in their lives and the classes were to suit them. Then we had the long blame game lectures afterwards for getting in the state to need stents, bypases etc. I objected as lifestyle was not the cause of my heart valve problem. 

      That's it tough love to get him to sort his own pills out. Initially I was on about 14 a day. With that many how do you know which is causing your side effects?

       

    • betsi75
      betsi75 derek76

      Posted

      Indeed... Hopefully he will get stronger each day.. You take care too x
    • derek76
      derek76 betsi75

      Posted

      I had it easier than a neighbour who had a second floor flat without a lift.

      We live on a fourth floor with a lift but I made the point of usually walking up the first two flights.

      Care? I had another problem develop last month a numbness in my left foot and lower leg that I now also have in the right and I cannot walk without hanging on to my wifes arm. At first I blamed bisoprolol as at the same time I was lacking balance and having dizzy spells. I stopped the bisoprllol and the balance and dizzy spells stopped. Now I am having neurological tests but the doctor who did nerve coduction tests agrees with me that it is probably coming from my lower back.    

  • Luvheart
    Luvheart betsi75

    Posted

    So sorry to hear about your husband. You don't say how old he is, but his heart attack and subsequent surgery will have frightening him. I understand you feel like your world is crumbling, but things will improve. This has been a complete shock to him & he feels sacred for future.

    My partner had bypass surgery at the age of 56. He didn't have a heart attack before but would have done without the surgery. At first he was scared to even laugh in case something went wrong. He is now coming up to 80, (he's 18 years older than me) & although faced with many health issues not associated, we still manage to have fun. Try to bear with your husband. I promise, with your love and support, he will come through this. Take care.

    • betsi75
      betsi75 Luvheart

      Posted

      Thank you for your kind words. My husband is 51 years old. We have only been married 3 years and it has come as such a shock. My children are also young, the youngest being 10 years old.

      I lost my mother at a young age last year and feel it's one bad news after another. We were due to go on holiday abroad today for my birthday a I'm 11 years younger than him. He is truly a wonderful man and I am blessed that he still has his health.. Just feel it's hard at the same time..

  • roxyroy
    roxyroy betsi75

    Posted

    Its early days hang on in there things will get better he just needs a bit of time and space to come to terms with what has happened to him and he will feel responsible for your situation. Cardiac Rehab makes him feel he is doing something positive so encorage him to go.
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