Finding it hard to cope
Posted , 5 users are following.
Hi,
Just joined and never posted in a forum before, so sorry if this doesn't make much sense, tbh I think I'm doing this because I feel alone and so anxious that I'm trying to distract myself and maybe get some reassurance which is apparently not good for what I have. Well anyway, my name is Jack and I'm 30 years old, I currently live with my mum and brother in South London. About 7 months ago I woke up in the middle of the night with chest pain which obviously made me anxious because I'd never experienced something like that before, since that day I've had chest pain and other unpleasant body sensations which is turning my life into a living nightmare. Everyday I think will be
my last, that I will die and never see my family again, I constantly worry I have heart disease. I've been to the doctors and a&e so many times I've lost count, had numerous tests, ecg, bloods, chest scan and eco. But nothing found, I've been prescribed citalopram which I've been taking for a few months and also attend regular therapy sessions once a week, but tbh none of these things are helping, I feel like it'a getting worse. Sometimes after work I just sit in the hospital waiting room for hours because I feel safe in case I have a heart attack. I feel like crying but I can't. I'm missing days off work and stressing my family because sometimes I just go off walking, or lock myself in my room hoping to fall asleep. The doctors say just relax nothing is wrong physically with you, but I don't believe.. I 90% believe I have a heart problem and that's why I'm acting this way because I'm scared and feel like they have missed something. I feel like I'm falling apart and can't enjoy life anymore, everyday is a battle. I don't know what to do. Sorry for whinging, just had to write something.
0 likes, 7 replies
anxietysite123 jack_69969
Posted
Omg you are exactly like me. Exactly. I have health anxiety of the heart also!! If you need someone to talk to, please message me. It would be nice to talk to someone who sounds SO similar to my issues! Also was on citalopram, didn't help me much. Now I just started buspar two days ago so praying it helps more than the other did.. It is so strange how you wake up one day a different person. It sucks to say the least.. My newest thing is fast heartrate which isn't normal for me lately.. Had my holter and echo yesterday (aside from every other test imaginable since february).. I'm hoping if they tell me results that I believe it.. Its so hard feeling like something is wrong.. Anyways, feel free to message me or Fcebook me (I'm on there more than here)
wendywilts jack_69969
Posted
All the things you are feeling are real, but you are actually creating the symptoms yourself. Try acknowlegeing the pains/symptoms then ignoring them, the more you fixate on the problems the worse they will be. Believe me I know I have been there many many times.
Anxiety makes us feel and sense every little bodily twine and change, many of which other people get but dont even acknowledge, or if they do they just ignore it,
Please try to believe you are ok because I guess you are you are, and the sooner you believe it the sooner your life will get back on track.
james79836 jack_69969
Posted
Hi Jack
As other people have said, you're not alone with feeling like this. I know exactly how it feels being told there's nothing wrong, but finding that impossible to believe!
I'm in my mid-twenties and I've had near-constant nausea for the past 10 years or so. I was convinced, despite every test under the sun, that there was something physically wrong, and I still have days/weeks where I go through those same emotions. That said, I now accept that at least 90% of the feelings are caused by anxiety, and the key for me has been to understand exactly how anxiety can cause physical symptoms.
To give you a bit of a success story - even as recent as two years ago I thought exactly what you've written - that it was too hard and I couldn't cope, and that I didn't know how to go on. Then last year, after a very long (and, yes, difficult) time of trying different medication, therapy, self-help etc., I finally changed jobs and moved from the north to London. I never imagined I would ever be able to do that, and the journey to get there was at times absolutely torturous, but I made it. I still have days/weeks where things feel impossible and worse than ever, but I always know I'll come out the other side.
If you've not already, I would ask your doctor for a referral to a clinical psychologist or other Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) practitioner. It can be extremely effective for health anxiety. Your feelings that something is physically wrong won't go away right now, even if twenty doctors tell you there's nothing wrong (trust me, I know that feeling!) so do whatever it is you need to do to get through the difficult times while you work on getting better. Anxiety is an illness just like any other, and you will get through it - it just takes time.
Keep talking to people about how you feel (I'm always happy to message privately), and keep your chin up :-)
All the best.
helen20833 james79836
Posted
Thanks for sharing it.
james79836 helen20833
Posted
Thank you, Helen. I'm a big believer that the most effective way of coping with anxiety is sharing - it shows that people aren't alone despite what can be a very isolating illness.
helen20833 james79836
Posted
You should be proud of your achievements! Yes, sharing, it's a wonderful thing, so reassuring to be able to reach out when frightened. I loved your post! Posts like that shine a light in the darkness.
Again I thank you
helen20833 jack_69969
Posted
Hi there Jack
I was so sad reading your story and much of what you said brought back reminders of my own struggle with Anxiety Disorder, and not very pleasant ones at that. It's horrible being constantly scared, convinced there is something seriously wrong and that you might die at any given minute. Many of us have had the same fearful experience.
The tests results found nothing amiss. The problem with AD is the symptoms are so awful most sufferers cannot believe it possible to feel as they do without some life threatening illness about to strike them dead. It's a common belief when in the tight grip of anxiety/panic disorder.Surely the doctors "missed" something? They must have! But you have to understand and accept that anxiety and panic can create the most awful symptoms, emotionally and physically. It can create real physical pain anywhere in the body.
Rational thinking and Axiety/Panic disorder do not go hand in hand. The mind, immersed in fear and the body manifesting dreadful symptoms, corroborate to you that the doctors got it wrong. Those in the early days of Ad cannot accept the catastrophic effects it has upon mind and body. And until you do you will be stuck in the fear cycle.Where 90% of you is at the moment convinced you have something wrong with your heart, then 100% of you must accept that you have not. Anxiety/Panic disorder, as James so wisely stated, is an illness. Once you come to terms with that you can start to take steps to recover. Everyone here will help and encourage you but that first step is the one you must take.
You can do this! Hugs