Finding love again at 51

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im 51. Was married for 25 years. Divorced. Had a boyfriend for nearly 4 years. We didnt live together but finished yesterday. He said the spark had gone, he's 56. Feeling fragile, like a teenager. Texted my 26 year old son to say that me and my boyfriend had finished lol. Didnt think I would be going through all this at this age. Does anyone else feel upside down re relationships and going through all this hormonal stress?

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13 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Alison,

    I'm so sorry to hear about your breakup. I know they can make you feel very fragile for a while. I am divorced but i decided i never wanted to be in a relationship again. I was still sad and fragile for a while but each day got stronger and stronger and i love not answering to anyone else, i love being my own person. i love having my home the way i want it and not having to put up with someone else's mess or moods etc. I've been happily single since 2008. I'm not saying there aren't moments when i miss the feeling of having my hand held or having someone to have dinner with or feel loved but i get over those feeling fast knowing those are fleeting. I'm not saying single life is for everyone and for those who found life long happiness is wonderful for them. I guess you have to be willing to take chances in the dating world and some may not work out and break your heart but then you are still open in case that right person does come along. I am not willing to go through the possible heartaches and i know that i may be missing out on a possibility of someone right for me, but i'm ok with that, i'm ok with my choice and i'm happy. Will you be?

    I hope what ever choice you make, it makes you happy. Good luck and hang in there.

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  • Posted

    Alison I'm 47 and still single. And really want a partner but have never had the luck of attracting anyone even when I was younger. Only one long term boyfriend that dumped me after 6 years on my 40th birthday. And I feel the same as you, hair shedding, giant fibroid and all these bad peri anxiety hormone symptoms like I'm a hot unattractive mess how can I find someone now at my age when men want younger? Or women who can have children still. But I'm trying to still have hope as you do hear stories of women finding people later in life. My older sister has always been a cougar and at 55 is dating a 40 year old and very happy. So hope you and I can get lucky in love too. 😉

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  • Posted

    I'm sorry but you will be fine!! 51 is still so young. Plenty of ppl find their mates in their 50's and 60's. I even see marriages at this age. I'm married but have this fantasy of living by myself-- Just as Shylee was saying.. I get to have my house the way I want it and just do as I please-- such a blessing I think or maybe it's called peace. If you want a date get on-line (take it with a grain of salt)-- many men are lonely and I'm sure would love to go out to dinner with someone. Or take this time and enjoy being you-- be good to yourself! And just yesterday I was talking to a friend and she was telling me that her friends mother (70's) is now divorcing because she has found a boyfriend who gives her such pleasure (I guess the husband didn't).. I didn't get all the details but that just proves that you can find love at any age.

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    • Posted

      I too have a fantasy of me living on my own... Perhaps one day we will be strong enough to do that. If I ever live on my own one day and happen to have a new man in my life I will never live with them under the same roof. I would love to keep my own space and also I believe it keeps to relationship more exciting. All the best

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    • Posted

      I have been living on my own for two years, I enjoy my freedom and independence of not having the responsibility of a relationship, especially when one is facing such a big life change situation like menopause. Some men don't understand how difficult it is for a woman going through the change of life. Nowadays I do what I want, not have to worry about men issues.

      I must say I do miss the company of someone to hold hands etc, but the feeling disappear when I look at my no complicated single life. Plus I have my two wonderful dogs who are my best friends.

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    • Posted

      Yes-- we can't forget our 4-legged friends!! I told my sons that when I'm old-- just make sure I have access to a pool (I enjoy the water) and a cat or two to sit on my lap.

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  • Posted

    So sorry to hear how you are feeling. I am 50 and have been married for 25 years too. Going through a very BAD patch with my husband. I don't know if it is me or him anything he does or says throws me to the roof. So much anger in me. It is difficult with our hormones and moods to maintain a healthy relationship. Perhaps his expectations were different. What spark was he after. I feel you still find sparks in him... I hope you will come a cross someone who can appreciate you more. We all feel vulnerable at this time of our lives. All the best and hugs to you

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  • Posted

    Thank you everyone so much. I will be ok and take some time to just be. Whatever happens will happen or not 😃

    its so conforting to pop on here and see your responses.

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  • Posted

    Hi Alison,

    I am so sorry you are going through this. Breakups are brutal. We suffer physically and emotionally when we lose an important social connection.

    There were two things that people have said to me that did help balance me out. The first was--whatever is going on with him, I love you. And that is true. All the women here are so lovely and supportive. We love you!

    The second thing I was told was to thank your ex for leaving. Maybe not to today or tomorrow. But eventually thank him for leaving because he made space for the right man to come to you. And he will.

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  • Posted

    Hey Alison, Don’t beat yourself up.... think of it this way... it’s God pointing you in another direction. I know breakups hurt and can hurt really bad, but always keep in mind, that everything happens for a reason and that you will come out on the other side better. Sending caring thoughts!

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