First battle with Anxiety, is this normal?
Posted , 3 users are following.
For about 3 weeks I'm dealing with, what I and my GP believe to be, anxiety. For 30 years, I have never experienced a long term feeling like this. I believe I have had 2 or 3 panic attacks in my life that I can pinpoint the exact cause of, and these lasted briefly and there were no ill affects beyond the day of the incident. This time is different, I cannot pinpoint any cause and it has been near constant for over 3 weeks. My biggest source of anxiety at this point is the constant thoughts. I have created a fear in my mind that I cant shake. I fear that I will lose control, break from reality and harm my wife in some way. I have no history of violence and these thoughts absolutely terrify me. I rationalized that, I am not the type of person who would do such a thing, to which my mind then elaborated on my fear that I am now afraid this will happen in my sleep, when I have no control over it and will wake up to something awful. I know this should feel irrational and easy to dismiss, I have no history of sleepwalking as well. However, I am now in such an elevated state that I can't shake this fear. And in the brief moments when I am able to get my mind to think clearly, and calm down, I then worry that by not worrying about it I am only increasing the chances of something bad happening.
In the beginning, I would get terrible heart palpilations, shortness of breath and feel sick when these thoughts come. Now, my physical reaction is much more subdued. This all makes me worry even more that I am somehow becoming "okay" with what I am afraid of.
2 likes, 4 replies
alex28917 AnxiousP
Posted
The panic attacks and all that do sound like anxiety, i agree, however the fear of killing someone sounds more like OCD. If you research 'harm obsessions' you'll get what i mean. It could be that your harm obsessions are a result of your anxiety, OCD and anxiety are very strongly linked so it's hardly a leap.
Remember that you will not harm anyone, i can assure you that you are in full control and the fact you are so freaked out by it alone proves that. People who have the same sort of fear as you have never actually responded to these thoughts.
I hope that made sense, I'm a bit stressed atm so not 100% articulate, for which I'm sorry. I hope i could help, good luck in your recovery x
Amykins21 AnxiousP
Posted
I totally understand what you're going through. I've suffered with anxiety for about 3 years now. I went through a spurt of feelings like this about my husband. I know that I'm not that kind of person and would never harm anyone. I was so distraught about these thoughts. They were more of extreme fear of losing control and doing something stupid. It was just fear of going crazy. I actually saw a therapist about this bc I was so scared. She assured me I would never do such a thing and the reason being is 1.) I am not that kind of person
2.) people who actually go crazy DONT realize it and DONT have these thoughts of being scared they will lose it, they just lose it and don't think they are doing or thinking anything wrong. If you are aware and scared about these thoughts, you will not actually do it. I promise.
Anxiety is a nasty thing. These thoughts will pass, but just keep telling yourself they're just thoughts. I will never act upon them. It's just that stupid anxiety beast.
AnxiousP Amykins21
Posted
Unfortunately, since my real fear revolves around losing control somehow in my sleep, I find sleep very hard to come by these days. And when I do, I wake up multiple times immediately panicked until I can "check" and see that everything is OK. I also find that being tired makes everything worse. Vicious cycle.
Amykins21 AnxiousP
Posted
Aww ya I understand. When I don't sleep my anxiety is through the roof. Maybe drink some chamomile tea before bed and maybe an epsom salt bath a couple nights a week? That could maybe help relax you to be able to sleep.