Fistula and depression

hlo everyone. i am from India and i m suffering from a great abscess into my rectum. i urgently go to the general surgeon. they said we have to operate it. so next day i got my surgery and the pus is coming for two months. but after two months i got a cyst like thing. i told my doctor to examine but my doctor said this is nothing. and he said apply some hot water into it. after applying hot water the cyst become more bigger and then doctor said we have to operate again. so i did my second surgery again. the doctor mentioned that the cyst is a fistula actually. but he said we operate it and you have not to worry. you are fine. i m happy that i m recovering from that pain. in between this my marriage is fixed. me and my whole family is happy. but after 4 months and my second surgery there is a pop up in my second surgery wound.. after destroying the pop up. a small hole into it. but again doctor said that everything is all right. after 5 month the discharge and pus doesn't stop from both the wound. so i go to the doctor with my dad. and then the doctor said that to do mri. after mri he saw a fistula trackt of 8 cm. that is high ano. and need to surgery again. i scared and cried. i gone through depression anxiety suicidal thought. my life was hell after mri. so we decided to go to the best colorectal surgeon. so we are going to the colorectal surgeon on 12 jan 22. hope everything will be alright. and i live my life like previous. i did some mistake between the surgery and recovery period that i eat food from outside like burger chicken. and smoke. because my doctor never said anything to stop. the second thing i say that do not google about fistula and donot see any video on YouTube. and the 3rd and most important do not go to general surgeon goto best colorectal surgeon. only see positive story success story. i google every thing related to fistula and i got disappointed and depression. i put my story again when i fully recovered and live my life before.

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