Five year relationship over due to herpes

Thank you for your reply. I explained to him the only possible way I contracted this is through him. I said he will go on to infect others if he isn't careful but he is sure that it isn't him and that I am a dirty whore (what I was called by him)

I think me being single is my best option now. I just couldn't face the rejection. Hopefully in time things get better

Definitely a jerk! Unbelievable. The audacity of some guys is disgusting. You are better off without him from the sounds of it. Just a pity his parting gift to you was herpes. Were you confirmed by swab test? Did they do an IgG antibody test at the same time as your first outbreak?

I also took time off from the dating scene et al. and am only taking baby steps as and when I feel like it. The man scene sucks where I am, so taking a break actually makes little difference, lol.

But, yes, time to yourself is not a bad thing if you can throw yourself into your job, a hobby, health and fitness, or whatever. Alone time with no focus is less ideal, though, as your thoughts may wander and make you upset.

On the bright side, things do get better with time. It may not feel that way now, but you'll start to feel like your former self once you adjust and get your mind around things. Taking a proactive approach to your health and fitness can help both physically and psychologically.

It really has left me with no trust for men. I know all men aren't the same and I know I was unlucky but it has really abused my trust.

I was confirmed by Swab test during an outbreak and a week later they rang and confirmed herpes type 2. I am unaware of igG antibody test. Do you need both tests to come back positive to have a confirmed herpes virus? I was only swabbed which came back positive, they didn't say anything about another test. I was just tested and sent on my way with aciclovir.

I am definitely going to focus on work and perhaps get myself into the gym lol. The man scene is awful where I live too, finding a genuine man even with out herpes is a struggle.

Sorry to be personal but are you also herpes positive? If so for how long? How long did it take you to come to terms with it? Sorry for the 101 questions I just don't have any one to talk to about this

Yes, I have had gHSV2 for close to two years now. I was super stressed and emotional about my diagnosis in the first few months, but came to terms with it as time went by. Getting into health and fitness really helped me on all levels, which is why I suggested it. These days I feel exactly like my former self, but healthier (besides the herpes, that is!).

A positive swab is considered definitive, and if combined with a negative IgG test at the time of your *first* outbreak, that would have proven it was a very new infection (not enough time to produce detectable levels of IgG antibodies), which is the reason why I was asking. Extra proof to show your ex that it's him, although I suppose he'd just say you must have recently cheated, heh.

I was married 6 years ago to a man for 4 years. He told he had herpes that he got from his ex wife and that he had a script for valtrex for when he had a breakout. Since all of that was new to me I accepted what he said. We got married and never used condoms. He never had an outbreak and neither did I. When I left him 2 years ago I had a full panel of blood work done including a separate one for herpes. My blood work came back negative for all stds and I had to wait 2 weeks for the herpes. 2 weeks passed and I called and they said there was a mix up in my blood work and it had to be retested-whatever that meant. 3 days laterish it came back negative. Fast forward a year later and I had a couple one night stands not protected and got my first yeast infection ever and I'm 47. That was last February and in June I met a guy who I thought we were really good together and he moved in with me. So during the week of Labor Day last year I felt I stinging down there and I thought I cut myself shaving. It only got worse with the burning and stinging then my right thigh started tingling like needles and I felt like I was getting the flu. So this went on for a week and went to ob gyn and he swabbed one of my lesions and I thought I was going to come off of the fricken table. Needless to say I'm positive for herpes 2 and I cried and cried. I told the boyf I end and he said it wasn't him-naturally but I know for a fact that he was a whore dog before me. My ob lasted two months and I could hardly walk. I have basically stayed with some sort of tingling, crawling sensations and itchy by my rectum. I've done a lot of research and that has left me more confused than anything. I believe that the Drs don't know a lot about it and so cannot help us. I just bought more vitamins today. L lysine, zinc,magnesium vitamin c and i still have my probiotic. I take one valtrex and one acyclovir everyday. But I know that there is always something there that doesn't feel right. When I read we can't have caffeine chocolate or alcohol I was like fricken for real? Not only is this the worse thing ever now I can't cope with it with any of the stuff I luv! Ugh. But now for the dating. I'm no longer with the guy who gave it to me and have moved outta state. I can't barely even say the word herpes let alone say it to a guy I like. I've been rejected my whole life and can't bare it. So a couple of weeks ago I met this great guy so far-and I said I wanted to take it slow get to know each other and he agreed but we were so attracted to each other that we had protected sex before it came up,in conversation. We've had protect d sex several more time and now I feel like crap that I haven't told him. But now how do I go back and say it? He to,d me that his last long term gf used to lie to him all the time and that's why it ended. So how can he view me anything but a liar. But then I think what if after e month we don't work out anyways.....I feel like a Lone Ranger wearing the Scarlett letter... And it's always on my mind. The whole time people are talking to me I'm thinking u don't know that I have herpes. I still can't believe it's happened 

Sorry to hear about your situation, but fyi, you do not need to avoid chocolate, caffeine or alcohol just because you have genital herpes. The whole lysine/arginine diet thing is not clinically proven (merely extrapolated from lab-only conditions, which is a far cry from testing in actual humans) and not suggested by leading HSV experts, who only recommend a healthy, balanced diet.

I eat healthily and in moderation, including two squares of dark chocolate near daily, also nuts. I drink buckets of caffeine each day and have big boozy nights out on a semi-regular basis, and it's fine.

Of course, each person is different, and I wouldn't push myself too hard in the first few months of infection whilst your body is still getting to grips with the virus (I avoided alcohol initially, a known immune suppressant, but nothing else), but there's no need to restrict yourself unless you notice a repeat correlation between something and an outbreak.

Thx felizcastus

i appreciate all your advice you bring to the forum. I read all the responses. The guy I was talking about in my post is now I feel avoiding me. Very vague responses to my questions-I know he doesn't owe me anything. Just goes back to making feel worthless again.

My giver never apologized and blocked me, so I know the feeling, plus I was stressed beyond belief, as I had never had any sexual heath issues until him. It took me a while to get over the worst of the emotions running through my head, and maybe I'll never fully come to terms with my terrible luck, but I am as close to normal on all levels as I have ever been since this all happened. I had to let go of certain feelings and take control of my health/fitness, which did wonders both emotionally and physically. Every step/pace I take is a stomp on herpes, I say! I can't help you with your current guy situation, but I would highly recommend taking back a sense of control in your life, as it will lift you up. Don't let herpes control you. You control it.

 It's funny because I did just that. I had just got divorced and I lost 30 pounds and then I joined the gym. I was feeling awesome and looking good. Then I met the guy  Who gave me herpes. I was with him for three months when my first outbreak occurred. I went into a down word spiral  and I quit the gym I gain my weight back and I was severely depressed and in a lot of physical pain. So it hasn't been quite a year and I'm still coming to terms with the label I guess because I've always been that good person  and it's still hard to believe that this is happened to me. So now I am round two of getting myself back and I am loading up on my vitamins taking my suppressant's and definitely watching what I eat . The gym is too far away for me so I decided I'm going to start running 1 mile in my neighborhood and just doing like some lunges and squats things that I know I can do at home. thanks again for your support and your openness I appreciate you

Oh, that sucks how you got it soon after a divorce when you were feeling good and just getting back into the scene again! Life can be so unfair. I used to think "Why me?" and "If only...", but alas what's done is done, and thinking that way only served to get me down, so it's good that such thoughts eventually disappeared. Once you accept what's happened, you can move forwards and be more proactive about reclaiming your life and self-esteem. I bet that once you start exercising and seeing the results of your efforts, you will feel so much better about yourself again, and that will do wonders in itself. You can do it! And always happy to help and offer support.

The same thing happened to me. Divorce, lose 30 pounds, start dating, get in a relationship and bam!! I sometimes wonder if it's karma, but I'd like to know what I did. Since I left an abusive relationship.

Hey Darana,

Thank you for your reply. Great to hear from others with the same thing as me, it's really reassuring to know I am not going through this alone.

My ex partner and yours sound similar in the respect of denial that they have herpes. It really does make you feel dirty and upset when they make out you're the cause of the virus. Then the anger sets in knowing they are being so irresponsible by not being tested for it and potentially infecting others.

My plan is to stay single for as long as I can. When I do start dating someone I want them to get to know me for me and not my herpes so I will take your advice and not inform them right away. Once we decided to take the next step and be intimate I will inform them and that's the part I really am scared for, I really hope I am lucky when it comes to that.

I would love to talk as I have no one I can talk about this with too and I only joined the forum today.

You're definitely not alone! We are all here for each other here.

My ex didn't down talk me with my diagnosis, he thought maybe the previous person I had slept with gave it to me, which wasn't the case. My IgG was negative, and swab positive which means it was super new exposure. Sometimes men have it easier with herpes than us women. Sure, some men may get sores, but they are more likely to be carriers than females.

Coming out to people has been interesting. It really doesn't bother some. So there's hope. It's just calmly telling them you have a skin condition that's a virus that forms herpes. I mention how I'm on antivirals daily to suppress the virus and reduce shedding of the virus.

I'm here to talk, or you can PM me of you'd like. Support is good, and I'm here!