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I know this seems sudden as I never post on here, but right now Im in dire need for somone to listen. You dont need to respond, just read and understand... If I vented this to anyone irl they'd think im overreacting or whatever, so a forum full of strangers seems to be the best audience.
Do you know that feeling when your just... floating through life? That's what I feel like I'm doing. I go day by day, doing what needs to be done. Nothing more nothing less. I have no real aspirations or dreams in life. The emotion called "Passion" is completely foreign to me. Nothing is exciting for me.. everything is just is.
I have a few friends who I have a good time with, but in the end I prefer to isolate myself and even I don't know the reason why. I've always been the "backup" friend if you know what I mean. I feel like the icing to an already perfect cake.
When people are lonely because the "main" friend isn't available or is out of reach, they come to me because of my pleasing and agreeable persona. But I've never had a loyal friend, which is fine, at least I affect other people's lives in a positive way. I don't care much about not having a loyal friend and I'm assuming it's because I've never had a fulfilling and meaningful relationship in the first place.
I have no idea what I want in life. Doesn't really matter what I do, or where I go. I don't have any real plans either. I just wait for whatever comes next, or whatever's given to me. I'm unmotivated. I don't put effort into the things I do because I can't find a reason to put effort..
I feel like I'm just breathing, not living. An empty vessel waiting to be filled. I'm an observer, looking at people take action, while I have no idea what to do and what action to take so I end up not doing anything at all.
I don't feel depressed, but I'm not happy either.. and I have no idea what this feeling is called. Neutral I guess? I see life as.. life. It doesn't suck, but it's not awesome. I don't see the sunshine and rainbows in things, and don't see them as storm clouds either. You get the point.
I always feel like I'm forced into situations, but I just go with the flow cause it's easy. I feel like I'm on a boat where I just let the winds takes me wherever it whims, instead of taking control and setting the sails towards the destination. I wish I could just get life done and over with.. I can't remember the last time I felt anything real.
Hopefully some day I come across something that will give me that rush in my blood, the drive to actually try. But right now it just feels so empty. Purposeless
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