Fluctuating Moods / Overthinking & Brain Fog
Posted , 3 users are following.
Hi, I am back here with another post. I noticed my side effects on 10mg had lessened and I am no longer having the physical symptoms such as nausea and diarrhoea which is really good as it means my body is getting used to the medication. However, I don't think my mind is...
While all the vomiting and severe anxiety has subsided. I am experiencing a massive fluctuation in my mood as well as overthinking and brain fog, something which I had when I was 14 and in school. This lasted about 2 years until it quickly subsided without me even knowing as it just became a part of my life in that time. Since I am in quite a vulnerable state and I have lived with lifelong paranoia, nervousness and mild anxiety it suddenly shot up this year with the pressures of life and turning 18. I feel like this has brought on a relapse of what I experienced before with the mental fog and overthinking.
As for my fluctuation mood... I woke up today at 3pm because I haven't been able to sleep at all. I got up and felt great for 10 minutes like I do every time I get up. Then the constant mild panic came over me, it always takes a new form.. a few weeks ago it was health anxiety and now it's monetary anxiety, classic GAD I guess. So I go downstairs to make some breakfast then I suddenly feel really great like I can do anything and I suddenly want to pursue all my goals I have set at once, such as going out for jogs and getting a job as a teacher, I want to do it all at that very moment. Then I will forget what I am thinking about or something and my mood will suddenly shoot to the other end where I am panicky and think that I am getting dementia or something just because I have to keep reminding myself on what I was doing or my future plans in life. I even have trouble typing this post as I will forget what I am thinking of mid sentence. So my mood for the last few weeks has been extremely unstable and I am on 10mg of citalopram and have been for 6 weeks now. I have beaten the side effects (mainly) but I can't get over this mental fog and fluctuation of emotions I am feeling. They range from love, to sorrow, to panic, to happiness, to anxious.
I am not sure if I need to up my dose of medication to 20mg as I hear that it's the standard dose and that 10mg is only the starting dose in most cases. I want to be able to manage without being so volatile because wanting to go out one minute then wanting to just lie in bed the next spirals me into a really bad state of anxiety where I have to reach for the diazepam tablets before I have a full blown panic attack. Would I notice my mood getting more stable? I'd much rather feel neutral about everything for the rest of my life than happy one moment then sad the next, it's draining me.
Thanks for reading,
Kyle
0 likes, 2 replies
bethanie50616 kyle99
Posted
You gave me hope when i was in a really bad way so i hope i can do the same for you.
Ive been in the place you are, when i was your age i started with the panic attacks and all that it got to the point i dropped out of college and didnt go to uni cause i just couldnt do it with my anxiety and panic disorder, i had therapy which kind of helped i guess it was nice to talk to someone about everything but i dont think it was amazingly beneficial to me. I managed to get myself out of this by setting myself little goals at first then they got bigger and bigger until i didnt have to do it anymore. I also accepted my anxiety, so what if i have a panic attack? Its not the end of the world its not gonna last forever and then it was like as i stopped being scared of the feeling of panic and anxiety it didnt have that hold on me anymore. Anyway it has come back but its mainly the depression at the minute like i panic i cant get out of situations i feel trapped i did develop agoraphobia but it seems to have gone? I havent had a panic attack in about a month so thats good. But now its just the feelings of dread and anxiety thats the problem, but since ive been on 20mg i can bat the feelings away more. Im not happy by any means but i am finding it easier to tell my mind to shut up. Its like half my brain wants to destroy me like tells me i dont deserve happiness and i should be alone and no one loves me but the good side the logical side is slowly getting stronger and thinking rationally. Its a long process but i believe we will both get through this! Your doing so well, by what ive read your doing a few hobbies? Which is a huge step, my steps at the minute are putting makeup on and smiling and saying hi to people at work but for you to be able to go out and do that is amazing! Are you finding any enjoyment out of doing them? If not its just the stupid depression! Its not going to win this battle with us because we are strong people that deserve happiness, you say you would rather feel neutral for the rest of your life than so up and down but you deserve to feel happiness and we will both get there! I promise.
Bethanie x
kyle99 bethanie50616
Posted
Thanks for taking your time to reply. I have been fluctuating a lot lately. I am just feeling overall quite low and I keep overthinking all my activities. I know its not forever and that I have been fine for a couple years prior to relapsing into my anxious state. I dont think that 10mg is doing enough to help me as I still get random onsets of anxiety although my panic attacks are less severe. I only get panicky when I am outside by myself so I usually just go out with friends or family. I can completely relate to the feeling of dread and anxiety as thats why I am on the medication in the first place. I just want to get back into not worrying and just enjoying myself. Everything just has a tint of dread and depression with it that I cant shake off. In general my anxiety isnt as bad but now everything is just a little bit upsetting. I can accept that I have anxiety but I cant accept the thought of its going to be around forever. Im also not scared of anxiety anymore as I know theyre just feelings but they slowly take their toll on me. Worrying about my medical interview and not being able to find a job. I am doing my jui jitsu twice a week and spending more time downstairs with my parents instead of being holed up in my room. One problem is that I have still felt quite lonely even though im socialising more. The doctor said my depression was probably caused by my anxiety too so theyre tackling that more and I heard that a higher dose is usually more effective for anxiety.
Right now I am just trying to accept my thoughts racing and just to let them come and go like if anything important comes into mind though I start to panic because organising my thoughts is difficult. Just the fact one minute I am really happy and the next im really anxious just exhausts me.
I hope that we can all find a way to beat this horrible condition and be able to live happy and fufilling lives. I am looking after myself with healthy eating and lifestyle and I hope you also recover quickly as we all deserve happiness.
Best wishes,
Kyle