For 2 years, I've had depression and suicidal thoughts because of hemorrhoids. Today is my surgery.

I would like to send you my good wishes for your surgery and your recovery.

Updates on your recovery would be appreciated, just remember you come first, follow your doctors advice and take care of yourself.

Speedy recovery

Some tips to help you along the way to healing

Takes meds

Lots of sitz baths

Lots of fiber

Lots of water

Plenty of rest

Doctors Orders.

You will be fine..

Keep me posted I will help you with any advice needed.

Sincere Well wishes to you.

DAY ONE (Day of surgery)

I'm going to call this Day 1 as apposed to Day 0, only because my surgery was scheduled very early at 7:40am

I haven't been much of a sleeper literally the entire past couple years because of the intense nighttime anxiety I would get that would overtake me regarding this surgery. That's right... I've been seriously losing quality sleep for the past two years because of the fear of getting a hemorrhoidectomy. That being said, the day before surgery, I felt content. Almost like I was at the "acceptance" stage in the levels of grief. Come to think of it, I just looked up the 7 Stages of Grief and it is scary how accurate it was to my situation. The entire week before surgery, I have been preparing myself. Switched to a soft diet (smoothies, salads, fruit, vegetables, etc.). Started upping my fiber intake, which concerned me a bit. Only because my stool seemed hard and small before. I made sure to stop the fiber after surgery because I figured I may have been overdoing the fiber coupled with my high fiber foods I was intaking. Started drinking 3L of water a day as well. Also, I have been reading literally every forum post on this website, as well as others, regarding tips/advice/expectations of this procedure. I made sure to search for "positive hemorrhoidectomy recovery stories" to realize there are good recoveries out there. It won't be easy, but finally seeing it from another perspective eased my mind and I was eventually able to drift off to sleep.

The next morning I woke up at 5am because I needed to arrive at the hospital by 6am. Arrived at the hospital shortly after. Signed in and waited in the waiting room for a bit. My mom came with me which helped ease my nerves. Before I knew it, I was being ringed to go into the surgery pre-op room. In there, I took off my clothes and got into the medical garments. I was by myself and started pacing in the room. Thinking, "Am I really going to do this?". Reality started setting in... Eventually, I gave myself a pep talk and said f**k it... No turning back now. Time to change your life for the better. Soon after, a nurse came in to ask me some questions and give me an IV (they had to poke me five times in order to find a good vein! I figured might as well take it to up my pain tolerance a bit haha). Eventually, the anesthesiologist, nurse assistant, and surgeon team came in to talk to me and ask me further questions. I was a little bit anxious, so the nurse gave me some sort of medicine in my IV that calmed me down which helped. I was then carted into the operating room. I remember talking to someone briefly, and then... lights out.

I woke up in the post-op room... I was a bit groggy but was coming to my senses. Upon waking up, I wasn't in any pain. Moreso discomfort. Like my body knew something definitely was different down there.A nurse beside my bed, started checking my vitals and asking me questions. I rested there for a bit and was given graham crackers, along with a pain pill (Norco). I was then carted into another room, where I met with my brother who was responsible for taking me home. I stayed there for about 2 hours, laying on my side, chit chatting with my brother. He told me that the surgeon told my mom that they worked on three areas. My hemorrhoids are internal, and to my knowledge only had two (grade 3). One was bigger than the other and would prolapse out every BM. It would also cause discomfort and itchiness. They weren't painful, but did burn sometimes.

Now it was time to be discharged. My brother went to get the car, and I started to stand up. I have been seated for about four hours at this point and standing caused me to almost pass out. I felt hot, started losing my hearing, and my head was going numb. Nurses helped me and eventually I came to. Before I knew it, I was headed home. Made sure to lay on the side of my body in order to not put pressure on my bum. Hit a few bumps on the way home but still felt no pain.

When I got home, I said what up to my dog and swiftly went to my bedroom command center. I live in downtown Detroit by myself in an apartment, but made sure I moved back home for a bit for emotional and physical support. I had a clean room, made bed, table with all my needed medications/supplies, and my Xbox with a monitor to pass time on. I got into bed and laid on my side. My mom brought me sliced bananas and zucchini and I took my stool softener along with tons of water. It was now about 5pm and I haven't need a pain pill since 1040am. I passed the time on my phone and Netflix. For dinner, I had boiled carrots. Again, no pain at all today but just discomfort. I did have some gas squeeze through and I was scared at first it would be painful but no pain at all! I made sure beforehand to pick up some GasX because I know gas buildup can be an issue with this procedure. I'm really trying to limit my movement for the next couple days to promote healing I guess? I don't want to make a drastic movement and have something go wrong. That being said, I have been moving around the house like a 90 year old grandpa as my young 24 year old self

Started to get into bed around 10pm. I  was not in pain but decided to take a pain pill before bed so I wouldn't wake up to any unexpected pain. I took another stool softener along with it. Also, another tip for anyone considering this surgery! I have been drinking tons of water to stay hydrated but again wanted to limit movement. The hospital had a plastic "urinal" they gave me so I was able to pee while resting. I asked for one for the road and it has been incredibly helpful. Essentially, whenever I need to go I pee into the container while laying on my side. This can be difficult at first but with some practice works like a charm. I have a pee bucket next to me, which I dump the the plastic "urinal" into when I'm done. I know it seems nasty to have a bucket of your own pee bedside, but it has been helpful with limiting movement. 

I made sure to set my alarm at 5 hour intervals throughout the day and night for a sort of pain check monitor. My alarm woke me up at 3am and I was not in any pain, so I drifted off to sleep again. The Norco was very helpful getting me to sleep.

DAY TWO

Woke up in more pain than yesterday. I'd say probably a 4/10. Got up eventually which seemed to do something to my bowels. Starting feeling something funky going down in the region and sort of panicked a bit. Grabbed my pain pills and made my way to the bathroom. Immediately started filling up the bathtub with hot water along with my sitz bath in the toilet. Took my pain pill fearing a poop was incoming... Realized I needed to relax and hopped into the hot bath... Pain started drifting away and started feeling a sensation moving down my bowels... Started controlled breathing and then... farted!.. Yup, that's it... Nothing but a false alarm. Was pleased that passing that much gas didn't cause any pain, just discomfort. Sat in the bath for a few hours passing time on my iPad. My lovely mother brought me strawberries and blueberries for my breakfast. Took my stool softener along with it as well as drank tons of water. Afterwards, made my way to my bedroom where I just stayed pretty much the rest of the day until about 5pm. I know I need to poop in order for things to heal up properly. I don't want to be that story where I poop on day 6 and am constipated and all hell breaks lose. So I decided to get up and walk around the house for some light exercise to get my bowels moving. Chit chatted with my mom for a bit and had a few M&M's to reward myself haha. Was feeling very groggy and tired at this point so decided to go back upstairs to get into bed. Had zucchini again for dinner as well as my stool softeners. Decided to take only half a Vicodin to get to sleep as I wasn't in too much pain. Still had my alarm set at intervals to wake me up for my pain check monitoring. Drifted off the sleep around 10p. Surprised at the lack of pain so far, but still fearing my first BM.

DAY THREE TO SEVEN (Pooping marathon)

I'm summarizing these last few days into one post because they have been more or less the same. I will give specific details if it pertains to a certain date.

I woke up on day 3 in a bit more pain and discomfort than usual. I have been setting alarms at four hour intervals throughout the day and night (even through sleep) to check on pain levels. My pain levels have been very manageable at this point with never topping more than a 6. Basically from what I've read on many other forums, pain start to ramp up once your bowels start moving. Pressure starts to build in that region as your body prepares for a BM. In the mornings what I try to do is start the day with a hot bath to relax. As soon as I got up, I knew my bowels were activated because I started hearing and feeling movement in my intestinal tract. I made my way to the bathroom and then it started to hit me. I went into semi-panic mode and started filling up the bathtub with hot water. I also grabbed my sitz bath and filled that up with water and then placed it into the toilet. I managed to pop on my bluetooth speaker and started playing loud music to mask the incoming screams from my mom. At this point I'm hyperventilating to remain calm... I grab my squatty potty and start to put myself into the squat position on the toilet. I pop a quick pain pill to help alleviate the impending horrible pain. My heart is racing and I am prepared for the worst. My body starts doing it's thing and I start to brace myself. The entire time I'm telling myself to let it happen and don't let the pain get a hold of you. Breathe through the pain. Don't strain. Don't hold your breathe... Breathe... Just... Breathe...

And then it happened... My grimacing face soon turned returned to it's upright position as I thought... That was it? I had no pain whatsoever. Like I definitely felt the poop going past my incision wounds/stitches but it wasn't painful whatsoever. I guess it was moreso of a pressure. That being said, what I passed was an extremely small amount. It was very soft, thanks to the 3 stool softeners I've been taking a day. I'm guessing those helped tremendously with the pain. As soon as I was done, I cleaned up and then hopped into the bathtub and began to relax. The rest of the day I basically was going back and forth from my room and the bathroom. I have definitely spent the majority of my time in my room these past few days passing time with Netflix and playing some video games. I can't stress how important it is to have things like that at your disposal. Something to pass the time and distract you from the pain is part of the healing process. Do your best to make the environment you will be resting in the most comfortable environment possible. I watched a lot of Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives with Guy Fieri haha. Guy is one wild dude... He has to have the best job ever, right? Gets paid to travel the country and eat at some of the best restaurants?! Like c'mon now, sign me up! But why the hell does he wear his sunglasses backwards on the back of his head??? Anyways... I found the most comfortable position for me to lay down in was having my lower body definitely on it's side. I'd do this by laying on my back with my upper body propped up a bit with pillows and then twist the bottom half of my bottom so that the least amount of pressure was on my butt! If you are considering this surgery, definitely look into getting a heating pad! It's been awesome in helping relax and alleviate pain in the region. I simply just wrap it around my bottom and the heat seems to do the rest. I switch between this method, as well as applying ice packs to the region. 

Day 4 was definitely not fun whatsoever. I believe I figured out the most effective way for someone to wake up in the morning wide awake and alert! Okay so get this. Do not set an alarm whatsoever. You're body will do the job of waking you up. If you time going to sleep correctly, you're body should randomly wake you up around 7am with some painful spasms. Now here comes the trick! As soon as you try to get up, painfully start shitting your pants excessively. Nothing like pain, poop, and blood on your clothes to wake you up. Haha this is basically the way I started my day. I began beanbag hopping from my room into the bathroom where I managed to get the usual stuff ready (fill the bathtub, sitz bath, pain pill, music, etc.). This entire time I had fecal matter and blood going down my legs... Sorry for the visual but it's important to not sugar coat the reality of this surgery. I sat down in the sitz bath and immediately starting pooping even more. I was thinking "What the hell did I even eat? It's not like I entered an eating contest the night before?!". It's important to say that the BMs were painful but not horrible like I've been seeing on other forums. The pain has surprisingly been helped with ibuprofen. Do not underestimate the power of alternative meds instead of prescription narcotics. Over the course of this recovery, I have definitely used ibuprofen more than the Vicodin. I am in constant pain and discomfort but find the trade off of not being constipated worth it so far. Again, the stool softeners have been amazing! Needless to say I made a mess and it took some time to clean up everything. For the hell of it, I took another pain pill just in case of any post-BM pain or spasms. Good thing I took the time to clean up everything before my bath because the first thing I do when I enter the bath tub is... poop some more! Yay! I feel like I deserve a "I pooped today" sticker that you would get as a toddler. It seems as if I am having trouble controlling when I poop. I guess like when I have the sudden urge to go, I have a solid 10 seconds before the inevitable happens. The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. Switching from watching Netflix and playing video games to going to the bathroom to poop in the toilet only to get into the tub and involuntarily poop in the bath!...

The rest of the days of recovery up to this point have pretty much been the same. Oddly, I have noticed that pain has been progressively ramping up in general. Nothing drastic but it is definitely noticeable. I have been taking more pain pills the past few days compared to the first half of surgery. I attribute this to having more firmly formed stools because of increase of fiber and a cutback on stool softeners. I did this because at first I felt my poop was too mushy. I wasn't diarrhea but it was not properly formed stool. I am taking the healing process very seriously and one of the things that dictate that is your stool's consistency/form/shape/etc. If you have your stools too mushy or liquid you may not heal properly (heal too tight, possible anal stricture) as that region wasn't able to stretch properly during the healing process. Switching up things with increased fiber and reduced stool softeners helped with more properly formed stools but also caused increased pain. I am not adjusting this ratio again until I find the perfect fit. That's the thing with this surgery... It's going to take a lot of trial and error to find what is best for your body. I think the most important thing that trumps all if your fluid intake. I am drinking at least 3L of water a day and this helps immensely with the healing process.

I'd say the biggest issue by far I'm having with recovery is the swelling. I had three grade 3 internals removed and am having extensive swelling on the outside of my butt. At first, I found this extremely concerning and thought I now had new hemorrhoids or that my operation went wrong! The swelling is definitely painful and can make it very hard to properly clean. I am unable to fully wipe because of the pain and swelling. I read that this is very common and should go down with some time (anywhere from two week to even a couple of months!). My follow-up with the surgeon is tomorrow which is something I'm looking forward to. I will be able to get answers to specific questions and he'll assess my progress. I do hope he does not examine me too extensively because I am unable to even properly wipe myself because of the intense pain. To be honest, I feel like I have been doing better than most people when it comes to this barbaric recovery. The horror stories had me absolutely petrified and caused so many mental health issues for me. So far... it hasn't been too bad! Don't get me wrong, there are times were I am in a lot of pain and feel as if I'm at my breaking point. There where times were my breath was taken away from the painful spasms. Times where I was yelling out curse words while on the toilet. Pain was involved with every step of the way but it's nothing I can't handle.

If I were to put it on a scale:

The general constant pain/discomfort: 5/10

Pain when going BM: 7-8/10

Spasm: 9/10

Glad to hear you getting through this. But many recoveries differ. As mine I didn't have to rush to bathroom or have any accidents like you described. But had extreme pain after bm that lasted for 8 hrs or more.

No blood until 6 weeks later.

Never had runny stool always formed soft.

Im 10 plus weeks now yesterday was a normal day finally. Maybe im healed. Hopefully. But Mon. and Wed were hell. Pressure and pain half the day n poo Monday like 5 times before noon. Not a fun day with pressure n pain as if i was unable to empty my bowles.. This has happened more now that the pain is gone. But i still feel like a cactus is coming out of me every time a have bm even today. So the after pain is finally come to an end. My age i believe is a factor. The older u are the longer the recovery. I go see colorectal dr. Jan 11th hope he can do an rectal exam this time around as I hope to be100% healed..

Word of advise don't rush back to work or gym it will only set u back.

Take care Max.

How are you now, three years on. Have they come back? Life back to normal? @MaxwellSmart