Found out I have severe depression and partner being unsupportive

Posted , 6 users are following.

Hello,

I apologise in advance I could be completely overreacting but needed to talk... a few months ago I was told I had anxiety and put on 20mg citalopram which was increased to 30mg. Today I had a phone call from let's talk and she said I have severe depression and needed to speak to someone about my erratic mood swings going from really low to so excited and happy. My shopping habits are also out of control and although my partner knows of all the debt he has been angry all day with me moaning about our financial state and how it's all my fault - I get this is true but all I have wanted all day is a hug and to be told it will be okay (probably sound really needy!!) I have been in a mess all day and it's like he isn't even bothered about what has happened. He even said that we should split up and although I knew he was joking it still hurt. I have tried to explain how I feel but he won't listen just starts moaning about money - this isn't the only thing that is going on but he won't listen to that either. Please can someone help m on how I can help him understand??? Sorry for the mon! And thanks for your help x

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10 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi charlotte

    I have been suffering with anxiety and depression now for 2yrs 5 months. I live in a housing accosciation. 3bed house just me and gf. She works full time and paying all bills. She doesnt really want to know about my depression and when i ask for reassurance i dont get it either. Saturday she walked out on me after an arguement. Which sent my anxiety thru the roof. I have no money to pay my rent or bills as i relied on her. So i know what your going thru. My answer is if my partner cant help or see me thru an illness then oneday il meet someone who does care. So dont worry to much. Just ask him if he cares about you and take it from there.

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    • Posted

      Hi Stephen I think you answered you own problem I suffer from depression real bad ya know but I've never relied on anyone.

      I'm kinda old fashioned anyway if I'm honest and although I'll run ppl up the wrong way her I think the man should be the bill payer etc I work full time suffer majorly with insomnia and I think I still have to get up get out and work ya know pills etc can only get us so far you know ya have got to give your own life purpose

      Again as I said relationships are hard if it feels all one sided then people tend to get bored stress maybe even selfish and say sod it it's never to late to try to better your self ok maybe not a job full time maybe a work from home thing or something

      I sound harsh at the moment I know that like I'm not understanding but honestly that's not me I've got the biggest heart and I empathise with everyone sometimes tough love is the answer maybe she just wants to motivate you ya know

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    • Posted

      Its true what you say. I am looking for work but cant find any at mo plus i seem to want to stay in all the time. My anxiety is getting worse im only 54 but your right that i got to help myself
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    • Posted

      Small steps stephen first try to find something that you enjoy personally mines the gym it's like my escape haven I also am anxious so go at 2am ya know no one is there then so it helps once you start to feel good about something you'll feel more motivated if she she's you making the effort what more can she ask for to do what she's done so far says she loves you feeling don't disappear over night ya know you still have a chance there if you want it you know what I'm saying if she sees that her leaving like that gave you a kick up the butt so to speak she's going to see your willing to fight for her and she'll come back if you dwell in it she's going to think it's pointless she can't carry you do you see what I'm saying I hope you can see this for what it is and not as it sounds

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    • Posted

      Hi stephen. Im the same with kigh anxiety n would rather stay home. I work p/t just now but im gunna go for more hours as soon as my new meds settle if they do.. a mind with nothing to fill it becomes overwraught! U still have a chance , try a course show willing. Baby steps xxxx
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  • Posted

    Hey Charlotte

    How you holding up, ya know I can relate to Botha sides here I mean yes he's going to be annoyed about the finances maybe a split pot would work better for you two instead of pooling it together this way you split the bills and what each has left each decided what you can do with what's left if he wants to save allow him to if you chose to be spending it then it limits the amount clearly,

    You know relationships are hard at the best of times always under each other's feet etc try to take take out with friends and such alone ya know this way you'll both appreciate the time you spend together and not take each other for granted as much

    It seems like your spending to cheer your self up like a retail therapy thing donyou have any hobbies you could pursue that wouldn't cost as much I imagine when your buying you feel good but then crash after would feel selfish and as he is panicking over more he's probs ( although not intentionally) not being supportive I don't think he's made at you for you Hun I think it's more fear of the debt ya know it's a scary thought to think ccjs bailiff action all those thing or working for nothing can seem pointless have you thought about cbt maybe speak to your doctor about it impulsive buying and thing like this are often able to be changed and you may benifit from it the main thing is you try to understand each other's point of view stand strong together and go to your sessions together allow him his input and im sure you'll be fine together I hope so

    Try to romance a little more ya know make the time together about quality show each other why you fell for each other in the first place have cost nights in as well as time apart it's the only way thing will work if you spend to much time together yourll suffocate each other

    Hope things work out for you both cyber hug coming your way x mike

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  • Posted

    Hi charlotte ive been off the forum a few weeks unwell n ive missed all u guys. So HEY ! Im still super anxious goin thru med withdrawal & start up of another & can relate to yr impulse spending etc more in the past. As superflous said yr partners right to be worried , financial implications can weigh heavily on a relationship making the good parts fade away. But u dont feel good thats why u do it. Unsure if u have ever been tested for bi polar or not as one of my friends from way back was the same. Her partner moved out became educated on mental illness & together they made it. Good luck sweetie. C.b.t therapy def worth a try ??hugs x

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  • Posted

    Hi Charlotte. I'm sorry to hear what a tough time you're having. I've been lucky to have my partner's acceptance from the start but he won't ever talk about feelings. Sometimes he listens to me for a bit but I can see he just wants me to stop. Maybe he feels helpless? Some people just don't want to hear things that will cause them more worry or pain and, if he cares for you, then it will. I guess a lot of partners (sorry to anyone here) are emotionally illiterate and don't want to change.

    I'm concerned about your health though. Someone on the phone isn't in a position to make a diagnosis, any more than we are. They may understand about MH but you really need to get a professional/medical diagnosis. I've had severe anxiety and panic disorder for as long as I remember and bouts of depression more recently but you have other symptoms. Each person is different. Each person responds to medication differently - have you looked up the side effects of citalopram? I know it didn't really help me and my last attempt at it gave me the shakes all the time. Maybe these hyper feelings/spending are the result of the meds? Maybe it's a symptom of something more than the initial diagnosis of anxiety (a bit too simple a diagnosis?).

    While it's good to know there's someone at the end of the phone, people you can turn to, I wouldn't accept their diagnosis. Go back to your doctor and report the changes you've noticed, especially as they are affecting your daily life and relationship. Maybe find out if citalopram might be making certain symptoms worse. If there's any chance of that, you can go to your doctor with that information as well as reporting what's happening in your life - your doctor might need to consider an alternative rather than an increased dose. 

    And no, you're not completely overreacting!

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  • Posted

    well you are obviously Bi Polar as i also am, and I think you would be  Bipolar 2, the depressions can be very bad i find and   when you take what you would normally have which is stablising drugs ( never an anti depressant on its own and you can  lose all mood control) if you are truly that bad you need a higher dose of anti depressant and something like Lamotrogine or gabapentin to stop you swininfg. They might offer you lithium which I have never had but for some people it works but if can have alot of side effects and you have to have your blood tested very regularly to keep the balance right

     The only trouble is that bipolars or manic depressives as we were once called loose their highs on stablisers, which for some of us are absolutely necessary unfortunately.

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    • Posted

      by the way regarding your partner, let him know you are bipolar ad make him realise you are ill  and have a very bad problem, I am afraid if he isnt there for you in sickness and in health is he any good for you atall. Not nice i know but sooner or later you might think that, I hope he comes round when he realises its bad

       

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