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Having read all the comments in this discussion I thought that maybe my first 3 weeks can help someone and maybe I can get some support. I am now starting my 4th week on Naltrexone. The first day was horrific, I was so angry with myself and the world, drank loads of wine and three sleeping tablets to drown it all out. Second day a hangover from hell and again tried to drink normally but vomited violently. Even though I made a serious decision to get my freedom back, I was feeling sad, mad and was mourning my old life. I need to mention that I started with the 50mg dose immediately not knowing to start slow. The third day, I did not have a drink at all, which must have been the 1st time in years.
Ha, here I thought, well I must be one of those where the method works immediately, which in hindsight is complete nonsense. It takes time to change your thought patterns.
However, my wine consumption halved in the 1st week, but increased to a one third in the second week and in week 3 it increased slightly again.
I must say this does not make me happy. I am torn between being patient for the method to work and feeling guilty that I have not cut down more. I have terrible dreams and wake up panicky and anxious.
I do not take sleeping tablets regularly. I have someone that controls my tablets, so only in extreme situations can I beg him for a sleeping tablet.
I do drink my first glass of wine slowly and consciously and the wine does not taste the same, but I think I enjoy being intoxicated, so I continue to drink irrespective.
I do a lot of sport, but in the mornings, so mostly my fuel is alcohol. In the evening I want to relax and drink wine. The habit was formed over more than 20 years and is not easy to break.
I have however seen some real positive changes in the last 3 weeks. I have a lot more energy. I beat my personal best over 5km by 1min, which is completely new to me. I take time to do my house chores. I love my vegetable garden again and spend hours weeding, planting and just watching it grow.
The bottom line is that alcohol is a jail, with a sentence for life unless I break out of it. The only time I socialise is at the gym or an organised run. I never go out in the evening, because I want to stay at home alone and drink wine and watch TV. I am single and live alone and with all the wine drinking I actually enjoyed being alone. I never felt lonely.
However, now that I start cutting down the wine, I really feel the loneliness as I don't have the wine to such an excess anymore to dull my senses.
Anyone out there feeling the same?
By the way, I think more about wine now than before I started TSM, but I guess that will fade.
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