Friends dropping like flies...

It's something that started slow and I understood.. After my surgery, when I was "laid up" those first few days, I had a gazillion people come by. People did my grocery shopping, took my dog for a walk, sat w me while I got in and out of the tub, brought me food and milkshakes, took me to the doctor, picked up prescriptions.. Called to check on me. 

Then, slowly, you realize some people have stopped calling and you understand. 

Then, your good friends start to stop coming over and say things like "why don't you walk your dog?" or "YOU can walk down the road to the mailbox" and it was not that I couldn't do it, I was a bit scared to fall or lose my balance, but I did start doing for myself. More and more, started driving myself to PT. 

Seems like every conversation I had with people had something to do with my hip, or I had hair falling out, or I was depressed, or I didn't have an appetite, or lost weight. 

I missed the birthday party of one of my BEST friends... and she was so upset, she left me a voicemail ( I think she was tipsy ) and said, "You didn't come to my party, you didn't even call to tell me why, so you know? Have a nice life, I'm through with you, I love you but I just give up, again, I love you but have a nice life, I can't do this anymore" Well??? That's pretty harsh for missing a birthday party... and especially from such a good friend. 

Less emails or text messages. Another friend, she does my hair. She gave me a gift certificate for free color and cut, then she needed $100 to make her mortgage payment the next day...now, I've never heard a word from her. I haven't talked to her for so long, finally she said "how about Monday?" on Monday, she called and said "I'm just in a funk, and I can't do your hair, but I'll call when I can work it in" Now, weeks and weeks later, still no call. I don't want to bug her because she certainly knows about the hair and the money both. So, one is avoiding me. One good friend, he met a girl and she was jealous and we never had anything going on, worked together for 15 years, lives right next door. He calls and say's "we can't be friends anymore, my girlfriend doesn't believe a man and woman can "just" be friends. So... I'm sorry. That was back about a month post op near Christmas. He never called once, "can I pick you up some things from the store?" "How are you coming along?" Nothing... and even though I told him I understood, I felt like I was just tossed aside w no consideration for my feelings. He just texted last week and said "do you think we'll ever talk to each other again?" WHAT?? I said "Right now, I really don't know" and left it at that. Another good friend, who lives in Perth, known for 9 years, I'm always writing her about the hip or I'm driving or my doctor is mean or my scar is horrible and she wrote me an email last night, she didn't say "me" by name, but she said her body, ( she has arthritis and bone cancer and breast cancer ) She's good w her cancers, but she aches and stays in bed a lot. If she can, she'll go to walk on the beach. (btw, the average price for a house there is $600,000 and a pack of cigarettes is $50 ) Well, she's very cool, had a website called Reinventing Myself full of great articles. So, her email said that she'd been in pain and that she felt like a sin eater, that when she gives her energy away to other people, it makes her weaker and weaker. That she needs some lightness in her life, free from problems, free from drama, politics etc.. and I know she meant I was dragging her down and sucking the energy out of her. That she needed a "break" again, not mentioning my name. To build her energy, and to feel better. I wrote back and apolgized for anything I'd done, that I know I'd loaded her down with my problems, and I didn't realize it. She had said all the energy she is losing is literally killing her. So, I didn't take it personally, I just told her I understood and for her to get well.. and she sent a link from youtube "access" a place where they have discussions on healing your body, and how to get rid of problems, etc... so, I got the picture after watching the video. So, it was like, 1, then 2, then 3, and now #4. I can't afford to lose anymore friends. At this age, you only have a handful of good ones. I don't know what to do to change or repair these frienships. It's hard to not have someone to call, if they won't answer your call. They see it's you, and just let it go to voice mail, then never call you back. I emailed another friend and said "I don't mean to bug you, but I haven't even talked to you since April 14th!" She said there was nothing wrong, that she was getting her dad settled in an assisted living center, she was his chauffer, did his shopping and she also has twin 11 year old boys. But.. I had emailed her and thought "here is another person who doesn't care to talk to me anymore" I have some issues with anxiety, and sometimes just don't want to go to parties or be around groups of people. I shouldn't get a "have a nice life' phone call. Now, I'm afraid to say anything to anybody... "my dog has constipation" or "I took a nice hot bath" because my days are really not that interesting. 

So... maybe don't burden your friends so much, and use this forum to talk hippie things, not them. I never thought about it until it was too late.

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