Friendships, families & marriage

Posted , 3 users are following.

Hi,

2 years ago I came out of a 7 year relationship. I'd just bought a house with my ex, we were engaged. She wanted marriage, kids, a dog...etc...

It was kind of a mutual decision to end the relationship. She was set on getting married and having kids. I'm not bothered about marriage and don't want kids.

The 7 years we were together we had a good social group of friends and did a lot together with friends. We were all mid 20s, couples. Anyway when I split up with my ex, all my friends were in the process of getting married and starting families. Most of them now have 2 or more kids. 

My social life with my friends has fallen apart. Some of my closest friends I barely speak to. I rarely get invited out with them and if I do it's usually family things... Like taking the kids for a day out. I'm open to this but there seems to be this thing now where I have to constantly try and arrange things such as bbqs, meals out...etc. I've been trying over and over and always seems to be me having to drive to see them and always work round their plans because of their kids.

I'm 30 years old. I wasn't happy in my last relationship because I know I don't want to have kids. Memories of socialising with friends, going in holidays, bbqs, family get togethers, days out...etc are making me feel crap. My social life has crippled. I've also said to 1 or 2 of my friends that is rather socialise without having to drink 10 pints of lager or end up in a nightclub somewhere.... Which has caused a few issues. My best mate also gave me a load of hassle when I started dating this new girl, basically telling me that I shouldn't date her and should be back with my ex (presumably so I could play happy families and end up having a kid I don't want and be in a relationship I'm not happy with)

Anyway sorry to ramble. I'm just feeling down about it. I miss how things were loads and miss seeing my friends and having a good social life. It's bothered me for the past year or so. Not sure what to do.

Thanks

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7 Replies

  • Posted

    30 years old is still young.  It's good that you recognise that you're not ready to settle down rather than string someone along.  Like most people who have come out of long term relationships, they have to rebuild their lives, their social lives.  I've managed to do that and I'm in my 40s with two young children.  
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  • Posted

    What do you mean not settle down?

    I want to settle down... I just don't want kids. I think I'm pretty settled at the moment, I have a nice house, good job, nice car, girlfriend who I care about loads.... I just miss the fun times socialising with my friends. 

    I'm well over my ex, just miss certain times we all had together with friends.

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  • Posted

    I think you are right. If you are not happy move on and do what you feel will make you happy in the future.  Don't listen to negativity do what is right for you.

    Richard

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  • Posted

    It looks like you and your friends have different priorities in your lives. They have gone down the route that is opposite to what you want from life. It's time for you to move onto new social circles with other young couples without kids.
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    • Posted

      Yeah I agree.

      It's difficult. I think my best friends assumed that I would get engaged to my ex, start a family etc... But it's not what I wanted.

      It sometimes feels like a punishment that because I chose to split up with my ex and not have kids, I've been ejected from the social groups I used to be apart of. I've felt quite lonely at times, but know that I would regret starting a family I didn't truly want.

      I find that some of my friends judge what I do and maybe to a certain degree they think I'm wrong or making a mistake for not wanting to have kids. They can't just accept it. It's caused a bit of friction. I have found it quite hard to deal with, having known friends for 15+ years and spent some really good times with them, and now rarely see them as each of our priorities have changed in life.

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  • Posted

    To be honest I really want to have a vasectomy. I'm worried however being only 30 years old that my GP will refuse or be reluctant. I've been certain about the no kids thing probably +10 years. 
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  • Posted

    Hi Ned,

    yeah, I think it is time to leave these friends in the past. Remember the good times and move on. Just as they had made their life choices, so, have you. Your choice is also a very valid one. You shouldn't be put under the spotlight, just because it does not fit into their ideals. It's refreshing to see that you know what you want and won't be pressured into changing your mind because it doesn't fit in with others norm. Wish you all the best.

     

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