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Frustrated!!!!!

Posted , 8 users are following.

Shevardnadze
Shevardnadze

Hi all,

I haven’t done a post in a while. Quick re-cap ... husband drinks every day min 8 units, beer. Has been slowly creeping up but ongoing issue for ten years. Gave him ultimatum to leave back in Feb and he sought help from GP then addiction service and (on my advice, from reading on here) requested naltrexone and got it. 

He has now had the pills for several weeks bit hasn’t taken a single one! Still drinking every night. Stopped seeing addiction counsellor. 

Why???!? Why not try the medication? He says he can stop on his own but ... doesn’t!! After admitting it’s an issue now  says he deserves a way to relax. Well, it’s causing me the most stress i have EVER felt. I an crying with frustration!!! I don’t understand! I’ve read so much about it but i cannot understand how this works. How can you know there is a problem one day, even tell strangers about it then just pretend it isn’t an issue the next day? This is mental torture!!!  😢😭😫

0 likes, 15 replies

15 Replies

  • RHGB
    RHGB Shevardnadze

    Posted

    At a guess, I would say that he went to the GP and then addiction service to placate you. Why hasn't he taken the tablets? Because he doesn't want to, he like drinking and the feeling it gives him. Very hard to give up when you don't want to.

  • vickylou
    vickylou Shevardnadze

    Posted

    RHGB has hit the nail on the head in his reply. He’s got to want to stop for himself, and not for you or anyone else.

    I used to be like that, say all the right things to the right people, placating them. The fact he’s got the medication and not taken one tablet speaks volumes.

  • Shevardnadze
    Shevardnadze

    Posted

    RHCB and Vickylou that’s exactly what i thought and asked him ifnrhat was the case. He said ‘no’ but i guess lying is part of it. Maybe he is even lying to himself. He can’t give me a straight answer. Just cannot get my head around it at all. Thinking i should end things so at least i can be happier and a better parent but then i feel that is cruel to him and un-caring
    • RHGB
      RHGB Shevardnadze

      Posted

      Maybe it is ultimatum time. You or the alcohol. Time to tell him to start taking the medication and if he agrees, make sure you are there when he takes it and doesn't get a chance to remove it when you're not looking. That might sound somewhat untrusting, but when people are hooked on alcohol, they will do anything to get it/not be stopped enjoying it.

      I speak from experience.

    • Shevardnadze
      Shevardnadze RHGB

      Posted

      I think so too, bit if he doesn’t want to stop isn’t taking the medication futile anyway?
    • vickylou
      vickylou RHGB

      Posted

      Totally agree with your reply and as you know, I too speak from experience.
    • vickylou
      vickylou Shevardnadze

      Posted

      Shevardnadze

      I knew I had to do something about my drinking after spending the night in a police Cell.

      I’d been to a party and had my last drink about 2/3am. Drove my 3  kids to dschool and a police car followed me home.

      I was still over the limit from the party and had I known that, I’d never have driven.

      My wake up call, how low could I get.

      Both

      For many people and definitely for me, the thought of never being able to drink stopped me from seeking help, 

      Both RHGB and I took acamposate( campral) an anti craving drug. When taking the medication you don’t drink. Basically speaking, it resets your brain and all thoughts of alcohol disappeared

      I could go on and on, but your oh has to want it.

      good luck

    • Shevardnadze
      Shevardnadze vickylou

      Posted

      Thanks Vickylou, he took a Naltrexone last night, says he does want to stop drinking the way he is, that he sometimes enjoys it but not the way he is doing it. So fingers crossed xx
    • RHGB
      RHGB Shevardnadze

      Posted

      No, because it will work, whether he likes it or not. Just make sure he keeps taking it and not spitting it out.
  • cm51881
    cm51881 Shevardnadze

    Posted

    It sounds like he doesn’t think it’s a problem.  Get him the book A Cure for Alcoholism.  It is ultimately his decision and outside pressure may make him uncomfortable.

    Best of wishes as I know it is hard to understand, especially when you love someone.  

    I started the cure a month ago and am using a medical support team.  The only people I talk with outside of them is this forum.  Otherwise it is MY OWN project and I don’t want to be watched over.  

  • susiepie
    susiepie Shevardnadze

    Posted

    Oh!my goodness you must ( are ) be going through hell. I think you actually need to start looking out for yourself. I know how heartless that sounds but you’ve stood by and watched and hoped that it’ll get better, until he shows genuine strength to look this demon face in the face and fight for himself, you and family then you do need to give him the ultimatum. I’m so sorry if I’ve said anything offensive, but if a tiny bit helps that’s great. I’m a drinker and it is a huge struggle, it’s like trying to climb a muddy slippery slope with plastic socks on. Wish you the best lass 🤞😊 x

    • Shevardnadze
      Shevardnadze susiepie

      Posted

      Thanks Susiepie, he has been taking the Naltrexone now for about a week so we will see how it goes. He still hasn’t really a clue how it works as he hasn’t read anything about it that i have forwarded to him but we will just need to wait and hopefully he will stay motivated to keep taking them. X
    • Joanna-SMUKLtd
      Joanna-SMUKLtd Shevardnadze

      Posted

      I'd suggest you sit down together (no excuses on his part!) and watch the 50 minute documentary about this treatment.  Google 'One Little Pill' and there are a number of ways to watch it.

      Seriously, if he hasn't read anything and doesn't really have a clue about how this treatment works, and the best way to work with it, then the chances of him sticking with it and therefore succeeding with it are extremely low, I'm afraid.  Your guard should be up if he also doesn't want to watch a documentary with you, because this non-interest in what he is doing is a huge, big warning flag that he isn't doing it for himself, he is doing it to appease you and take the heat off him for a little while.  The ideal time to watch it is just after he has taken the tablet, because he has to wait an hour anyway, and like I say the documentary is 50 minutes long.

      TSM done incorrectly can actually make a person's dependency/cravings worse, as the brain can get confused if it sometimes gets the endorphin rush through non-compliance - intentional or simply not understanding it properly - and then at other times the endorphin rush is blocked by the naltrexone.  The brain will really dig its claws deep as it the pathways get an increased rush of endorphins on those non-compliant occasions.

       

    • Shevardnadze
      Shevardnadze Joanna-SMUKLtd

      Posted

      Thanks Joanna, good idea to do it together, will try to watch when we get home as we’re away just now. So far he is compliant but i realised how little he knew when he was in a pub, ready to meet me for dinner and told me he hadn’t taken the meds but what harm could it do! He took my advice and came home instead but wasn’t happy so I’m not sure how sustainable it all is. He is also still on half a tablet as is finding the side effects bad. Been about ten days now every day as he is a daily drinker. X
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