Frustration people's unhealthy habits
Posted , 5 users are following.
Hi all, I'm 34 years old and have been on dialysis for a year now and have been entered in the transplant list. I was diagnosed with IGA Nephropathy 6 years ago and was told the disease SOMETIMES progressed to ESRD and when it did it would be something like 20 years before that happened. Unfortunately for me, my disease progressed in 5 years, and the multiple doctors I've seen have told me the progression or getting the disease was because of a fault of my own. It just happened, there wasn't anything I did or didn't do that caused it. Which is incredibly frustrating. I've always eaten healthy, I used to exercise regularly and always took care of myself and my body so this feels like a huge blow.
My parents have always been healthy people, they take care of themselves and get their routine medical checkups done, they eat healthily and exercise. They both live very healthy lifestyles, they really set up a great example for me and I'm so grateful for that. My in-laws, on the other hand, are some of the most unhealthy people. They never workout and they constantly eat junk. They are both obese. When I was diagnosed with CKD I tried to get them to make a lifestyle change because they were already showing signs of heart issues. My father in law has high cholesterol and his doctor advised him to cut out red meat, fried foods, etc. And my mother in law takes baby aspiring for some heart issue. I really wish they could understand that the issues they are having are manageable and fixable before they become more major problems (like heart attack, stroke, diabetes, etc). They've never listened. Now that I am on dialysis and my life has completely changed where I have so many food restrictions, traveling is harder, I'm EXHAUSTED all the time, and I rely on a machine to keep me alive, I'm becoming very angry and resentful toward them. My father in law sent me a picture yesterday of a pizza joint that was holding a pizza eating contest (as in eat these many pizzas in x amount of time and win a prize), and he texted "I had to!" My immediate reaction was to get p****d at him. I responded to his text saying in so many words that I was on dialysis and attached to a machine that is keeping me alive while he's eating whole pizzas??? Like, get a clue. You're wasting what could be a perfectly healthy body while there are people like me who would give anything to have healthy kidneys or a healthy heart or whatever. And while I understand he can do whatever he wants with his life, the lack of sensitivity around the fact that I don't have any control over my body is so depressing. In my view, if you have health problems that are caused by your own actions, against the advice of your doctors it's kind of like ok well what did you expect and when I look at my situation it just seems so unfair. Like I honestly have always been so aware of my health and eating right and exercising, yet I was the one to get this horrible disease. Just seems so unfair.
I think the fact that I really do love them and care about them is why I'm so frustrated with them. I wouldn't wish dialysis or kidney failure on anyone, so why won't they take care of themselves? They have the change to live healthy lives but I feel like they are wasting that chance. How is it possible for people that are close to me to not see how hurtful that is. I don't want to feel this way but I'm starting to feel resentful toward them (and honestly anyone that just doesn't care). I love them both and they are both very nice people but the cluelessness and lack of perspective is bothering me.
Full disclosure, I do go to therapy and have talked about this with my therapist. I just thought maybe some people out there who are dealing similar emotions had any advice on how you've managed them. Therapy helps quite a bit, but I'd love to hear from people who've actually experience the same feeling or are dealing with dialysis at a young age.
0 likes, 4 replies
marj01201 corina91140
Posted
Corina,
I, too, sometimes find myself pondering why we humans do what we do. But then I remind myself that we each write our own stories. And our stories are really quite complex. For instance, my sister was a lifelong substance abuser. At first glance it's quite easy to judge her--why didn't she commit to treatment? To better understand her life story one would have to know that she also struggled with depression. Her substance abuse issues evolved as her way to treat her severe depression.
Of course there were (and are) other, much healthier treatment options. But, gorvreasons beyond my understanding she chose the option that ultimately cost her her life.
It's certainly sad, very sad. However, no matter what our family tried to help her she chose drugs. They ultimately changed her thinking and even her personality. It was an illness.
My point, we each write our own stories. We're all flawed. We each live with the consequences of our choices. So I don't tend to judge others--I strive to approach them with compassion. I want to be sure they know about options. But I respect their right to make their own decisions just as I make mine.
Marj
mikewordman corina91140
Posted
Hi Corina,
First off, I too have iga nephropathy and I was told the causes of this disease are as yet unknown. So you shouldn't blame yourself in any way, it is what it is and nobody can predict whether they may get it.
As regards your in-laws: I understand where you're coming from but in order to resolve this I suggest you talk to them about it. Simply a matter of telling them you are sensitive to the issue of seeing others live a less than healthy lifestyle and, while you aren't judging anybody, ask if they could please bear it in mind as its something you are sensitive to given that your dialysis limits your life. Something like that. I'm sure they will understand. Better to talk your feelings through with them than wait for another incident to accidentally trigger you.
Finally, it helped me to bear in mind that my condition was not fatal, that I had the benefit of technology (dialysis) to save my life unlike previous generations, and that my limitations were temporary - and so are yours. You will get a transplant, you will regain your health, and you will live your life. It *will* happen. If you focus on yourself and the bright future that awaits, anything others do becomes irrelevant.
fran32391 corina91140
Posted
Corina,
I am not on dialysis, my gfr is 22 so yes I am not as far along as you are but do have many co-morbidities that cause me problems. I, like your in-laws am one of those people that is driving my family and friends nuts. They have graciously offered me their kidneys only to be told, "no thank you"." I will also be refusing dialysis. My choices are not easy for them to understand, still, it's my body and they are choices I've made. As Marj said, we write our own stories, we make our own choices. My family and friends would rather I make choices they would make. I know it's hard for them to understand but I can't live my life by their choices, and although they don't agree they respect my wishes and choices. I do take care of myself and follow my Dr instructions but that won't extend my life by much. They struggle, I know they do but I'm so glad the discussions are finally over and we can just enjoy our time together.
I would say, enjoy the time you have with your in-laws. Their time will probably be cut short, their choice. Whatever the reason they have made their choice.
ravi61542 corina91140
Posted
Hi this is Ravi age 30.I am also suffering with iga-nephropathy stage 3 it's diagnosed in last September...my and my wife's life has been totally changed after this disease I have a food restrictions traveling restrictions and m getting weak day by day ...I can understand your situation because m feeling the same