Genital herpes causing depression
Posted , 9 users are following.
I could never talk to someone in person about this other than my therapist but they don't really understand unless they'e been through it, y'know? so here i am begging for help on the internet instead.
i got diagnosed in January, i have been wih my boyfriend for 2 years now, what happened was he has always gotten cold sores, and neither of us knew that you could get this from oral to genital sex.
He's been so very supportive of me, and he doesn't think of me any less and he does his best to make me feel better about it. But i can't. I can't comes to terms with this and it's almost been a year now. I just have no confidence left, and i'm scared to have sex with him too. I don't want him to get it, that is my worst fear.
I'm 19 years old so the fact i got it this early in life has made me really depressed. I start to get suicidal. I almost feel guilty for feeling this way because i have read many of you got it from one night stands and are single, so lots have to worry about coming out about it eventually whereas i don't. But it's just all the baggage that comes with it. They say the first breakout is the worst one, so i never know if a little bump is my breakout or what. I hate that i have to be careful with having sex now too. Before my boyfriend and i obviously never worried about it because we knew we were 100% faithful to each other, now i have this crap to deal with.
Im just sick of bottling all of this up because no one around me really understands what it's like. I just need someone to talk to and help me through it because im sick of doing it alone.
1 like, 12 replies
alysa68560 t1234
Posted
Hey,
The first thing you need to know is YOUR NOT ALONE!!! I'm in the same boat as you.. besides my partner of 6 years (we took a break and that's when I contracted this.. at least I think), no one else knows. I don't even have family in the state I live in so I'm really alone. But I found sooooo much support, information, and comfort online!! I too was suicidal for the first 3 days.. I also wanted to end my relationship because the thought of giving this to my partner was killing me inside. But with time it gets easier!!
With this knowledge is key, it'll help you understand what's going on with your body and also help you accept it. It's so great that you have a supportive partner. I know from my expierence that makes a huge difference. But to be honest from what I've been learning your type of herpes (hsv1) is the best one to have genitally. I've read it doesn't shed or reacurrer very often, so that's a plus!!
I on the other hand have hsv 2 and am currently going through my first outbreak. And I'm also very scared to have sex. We hope that after this OB is healed we can have sex again but honestly I'm not sure I'd even be able to enjoy it because all I'll be thinking about is omg what if he got it!!! Especially being newly infected I'm more contagious right now. It'll suck that we'll have to use condoms every time and that I'll be so paranoid. But everyday I'm starting to accept this and all the baggage it comes with. It's hard for sure but there's no way to take it back now... what's done is done and I realized dwelling on the past only made me feel more depressed. I just plan on taking steps to get healthier and try to stay as safe as possible during sex and just living day by day. I'm also a crazy science nerd so I do believe that eventually there will be a "cure" of some sorts. I know there working on it now, so knowing this gives me hope for the future.
If you and your bf truly love and care for one another you can make it through this. Some days might be hard and some days you might feel a little more at ease. It's a rollercoasrer ride for sure. Acceptance takes time and everyone is different, so for you it could take more than a year for someone else maybe months. It does suck that your so young with this.. but truly it's soooooo common!!!!! Lots of people get cold sores, and don't know they can transmit it genitally!! Your not alone in this unless you choose to be. There's so many forums and websites where people share their stories and how they made it through. You can make it through this, take it one day at a time and try to stay positive.
t1234 alysa68560
Posted
thank you so much your support has made me feel a little bit better. it's definitely like a roller coster, sometimes i go can FOREVER without thinking i have it and that my pills are just part of my vitamins everyday and other days i get so down in the dumps.
are you able to have sex without condoms safely? this is my biggest problem for some reason because i always hated them and now i feel like i have no choice but to use them if i want to try to protect him from it.
just sometimes i get scared that he'll get it regardless and my hard work will be for nothing. i just would hate to pass this along.
sarah53590 t1234
Posted
You're sure he doesn't already have HSV? Just no ob?
t1234 sarah53590
Posted
I don't think he's been diagnosed with mouth herpes but every couple months he gets an OB, and us being so young weren't aware its possible to spread mouth to gential.
Guest t1234
Posted
Hey! I agree! You're not alone, and I'm in the exact same position as you. I am 19 and I've been together with my bf for 1 year now and I got diagnosed with hsv1. I got it because my boyfriend had a cold sore and we had oral sex and we didn't know you can get genital herpes like that. It really does suck the fact that we're so young and we have to be more cautions of it. And I understand you when you said you feel suicidal. Trust me I've been feeling like that for 2 weeks after I've been diagnosed with it. But I got him, and my family to help support me, and stay optimistic. One thing that keeps me optimistic is I know the technology we have now and how much we've improved, I'm sure they'll find the cure for it. Hopefully when we're in our mid 20's. But yeah it's not the end of the world. Trust me theres more to look forward too. And I'm trying my best to always stay positive and learn to accept it. You're not alone and we can fight this.
t1234 Guest
Posted
thank you, it feels really nice knowing someone of my age has made the same mistake by accident. for some reason i'm the one who's having the hardest time accepting it. do you and your boyfriend use condoms? we never used to so it kind of sucks now and i really wish i was comfortable enough to not use them but i don't want to risk giving it to him
amber01875 t1234
Posted
I've definitely been where you are, I'm 20 years old, and it really hit me hard when I got my diagnosis during an extremely painful first breakout a few weeks ago. I didn't leave my apartment for around 4 days other than to go to my gyno or to pick up my medication at a local pharmacy.
I kept focusing on the fact that such a horrible thing happened to me that I couldn't see all the good happening around me. I have not completely healed emotionally, but I think what helps me mentally is whenever I think of a negative thought, I avoid it by thinking about something that I'm grateful for. And not even that, the negative stigma of what people thing about HSV is so distructive. SO many people live with it that if someone does not accept you just because of a diagnosis, you'll know that they aren't mature enough to either be in a relationship with you or be around you.
Online forums like this helped me a lot. Once you realize that so many other's have HSV , yes you have to be more careful about sex, but at the same time, it forces you to mature earlier about so many things - which is not necessarily a bad thing!
I hope that whenever you are feeling down, you have supportive friends or family to turn to, or even more, talk to us!
t1234 amber01875
Posted
i think what gets to me is i don't have any friends that i trust to talk to about this. I'll call my mom up if my thoughts start to get too bad or my boyfriend is normally there to comfort me when i'm freaking out.
Thank you for your kind words
i am finding a lot of comfort in forums so it helps a little bit and i kind of like to be able to share my experiences with others too i guess
amber01875 t1234
Posted
That was literally exactly how I felt. I bottled it up for two weeks and when my mom finally texted me a million miles away asking if anything was wrong, I totally just broke down and finally accepted that I was diagnosed with HSV from a one-night-stand basically.
My closest friends know what happened, and they do feel sympathy for me, but I totally get you when you say that no one really 'gets' it- no one who hasn't had GH won't understand the pain of the first outbreak.
That's where forums come in, and I realized helping other peope through it, heals me emotionally bit by bit. Everyday, finding a routine lifestyle, not to mention 3am baking sessions, also really help
steven78649 t1234
Posted
I hear you. I just decided to get tested after waiting and worrying for seven weeks. Definitely not worth it. Will be getting the results in 10 days. It's just a skin condition like acne or eczema in a way. It's normal to feel depressed, however don't let it rule who you are 😀.
t1234 steven78649
Posted
I guess that's true that it is a skin condition I wish it didn't feel like it's the end of the world
Takenc t1234
Posted
I was diagnosed in June of this year. & I was the same way when I found out. I wanted to kill my self. But now I've excepted it and i am fine. Still frustrated but am okay now. I want to let you know that am here for you. Please talk to someone. It's a horrible feeling going threw this on your own.