Getting Help & Slowing Down

glad to hear you're getting help. It's absolutely essential. And it won't be forever by any means.

i have a 9 year old and 5 year old, and they are definitely missing the routine of mummy. However, your recovery for the long term is a priority, and if you need to have him out of the house at relatives, friends, school mates, then JUST Do IT.  The sooner you are proper,y strong and fit again (and better than ever!!), the better for both of you.

Ask people you may not otherwise have asked for help. What's the worst that can happen?

i've just turned 7 weeks, and have had a LOT of help with the kids and housework so far.

I got up this morning, and was able to do almost all the things I normally do with them in and around the house. Outdoors - park visits etc are a bit trickier until I'm driving and able to walk a bit further or stand for longer periods.

this time last week I thought these limitations were going to go on forever. But they DONT.

at 2 weeks out, you are so exhausted still from the op and sleep deprivation, that explaining calmly to a 6 year old who quite naturally wants instant feedback and attention is nigh on impossible.

if you have to use TV and other electronics to help keep him occupied, this is ONLY For the short term. It goes against all my values to drop the bar on tv, electronics and snack foods, but it's got us through this time, and won't have harmed them .

letting go of the household routines for a bit can be stressful. I just tried to make sure that one area of the house was ordered so that when I took a rest, I could close the door on everything else and be in peace.

re itching and dry skin. You've probably been told that's the meds. It's tricky but imperative that you have the right level of pain management to get you through your exercises and rehab, and to keep your stress and tension down, which can affect how well the body heals.

re sleep - one of the things I've been lucky with. But lots has been written on this forum about sleeplessness. Others have had films and books available to watch overnight to help get back to sleep. AND they've made sure they take a sleep/rest in the afternoon. Oh - just remembered, relaxing music and guided meditation tapes help a LOT.

hope that's of some help.

do post again if you want to let off steam or ask for suggestions, or just say hello.

lindsey x

You have to keep reinforcing that you didn't want leave him with Nana, but only because of the surgery, and that was something that had to happen, to make you well again, and be able to play with him better.

Bring it down to his level as much as you can, being a boy, would he be interested in seeing your nice big cut on the side of your leg, if you feel it wouldn;t scare him, show him, and explain how the Dr replaced the bone in your leg, let him feel for the bone in his arm, and explain the magic of special surgery when bone wears out or gets hurt, that Dr's can replace that bone.

My grandson, about the same age got very distressed about my hip replacement surgery, we only reliased afterwards just how he was seeing it.

He thought Nana, was going to lose her leg, and it scared him, you should have seen the relief on his face when he saw I had both legs after the surgery, he then saw me walking on my crutches, and began barganing for the crutches when i no longer needed them.

He wondered why we were all laughing with him.

yes my 9 year old said he didn't think he was/had been worried about me, but he kept crying over nothing over the course of a few days when I returned form hospital.

so, I did as Lynn did, and reassured him that I will get better, and I let him fall asleep a few nights in my bed, just to make him feel safe again.

it didn't take too long for the shock and tears to stop ...

I really like the advice Lindsey gave and she certainly has the relevant experience to back it up.

You seem very focused on the physical recovery side (and I totally get that) and it is hard to find peace while struggling with that. I hope though you find make some time to relax a bit too during the day. Listen to some music, read a good book, paint - really anything that might help you unwind from all the trauma your body has and continues to experience. And ... all the upheaval you've gone through as well.

I think that the suggestion of talking quietly about everything that has happecned and including how he can help you in very practical ways might reassure him about why he had to stay with your family, the 'frantic day' of activity, and all the change in routines.

Drink lots of water to flush out the meds and their effect on your body. It will also help with your skin although I also like an oatmeal based moisturizer - could be a great task for your son to help with legs and feet and back. And it might be a nice backdrop to the type of checking in conversation that I suggested above.

Good luck with everything - I just know that the two of you are going to come out of this even stronger.

Hang in there. How old is your son?

Welldone for getting help and carry on doing what you Are doing ,you're doing well

X