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I have replied to alot of discussions but never started one. I am due to go on a holiday in 4 weeks. Its only to the Lake District - a couple hours drive, to a lovely house we have been to before with some other family members. Normally I'd be looking forward to it, but I had an accident a few months ago which I am mostly recovered from apart from I have a drooping eyelid because one of my eye muscles has dropped. I had a fall and whiplash basically, and it all started with that.
I am having an operation for it - its only a short op, and I only have to have a local anaesthetic, and it'll take about half an hour, and the eye surgeon has agreed to do it on the NHS, even though its officially cosmetic.
I am just getting more and more phobic about seeing people, and since I had the accident in fact have only gone out occasionally wearing tinted glasses, or to medical appointments. I havent even got the confidence to walk to the local shops. I've had quite a rough few months, with quite alot of pain and discomfort, and am nearly through it. I just desperately want my eye op done before my holiday, or I will feel most of this year has been wasted, and I actualy think I'll probably pull out of the trip. I dont have much confidence, and have suffered from depression and anxiety for a long time anyway, so I cant just laugh this off as I know I should do. Due to mental illness I lost my career, my driving licence, most of my friends, and now am trying to get off diazepam. I generally looked after myself physically and actually felt that my looks were one of the only advantages I had left. I know this sounds really shallow.
I have made an appt to see the eye surgeon privately this week as I am considering having the op done privately - if I actually can - theres only a few weeks to fit it in, so even that might not be possible.
Otherwise It'll be mid-late September on the National Health I can barely even look in the mirror wihout wearing glasses. I know its a pathetic phobia, I just cant seem to stop feeling this way.
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