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Getting up is the hardest part of the day

Posted , 4 users are following.

Loljane
Loljane

I've posted on here once before regarding my depression and anxiety consuming me. I've been on medication for a bit and im hoping to see a therapist very soon but the emotional effort it takes to just get out of bed is killing me. I spend two hours every morning convincing myself to get ready and leave the house for work and it makes me feel sick. I'm really struggling but I can't afford to be off as I've said before as we'll lose our house but I don't know if I can deal with it much longer. I often wonder about getting hit by oncoming traffic or hope I'm involved in some accident that will mean I can stay home and not have to see anyone. I'm in a bit of a rut tbh and it's horrid.

2 likes, 5 replies

5 Replies

  • kelly8973
    kelly8973 Loljane

    Posted

    I know how you feel i really do. Im signed off but get no sick pay and i see no light at the end of the tunnel for me at all. Doctors are at a loss as im sensitive to ads and basically ive been left to it till a psychiatrist can see what to do which could be months. I try and think positive but i just cant. I have teenage boys who say youre always ill they dont really know about the depression just think im ill. Im just so tired with fighting it now. I look at everyone enjoying life and ask what ive done to deserve this turmoil. Im angry my mum died and left me alone to cope. So youre not alone hun. Can i ask if you know what triggered youre depression or if youve had it before and what meds youre on and for how long? X
    • Loljane
      Loljane kelly8973

      Posted

      That sounds rough sad I find it so hard, I'm not a mum but my partner has a little boy who's 6 and he comments how I'm not good at playing and I prefer to relax as he says. I just find it hard to interact with others unless forced to. I've been like this since I can remember but recently I changed jobs and I feel lost. I have no contact with others really outside of home. I'm currently on fluoxetine. I've been on citalopram previously. I just know that I need help and it's going to be a long road to recovery, I'm in my mid twenties and feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders meanwhile my friends are having the best years of their lives. I hope you get an appointment soon I really do. Xx

    • lwhitworth67
      lwhitworth67 kelly8973

      Posted

      Sounds like me. No one understands depression. I can see no light at the end of the tunnel either. Well, do I see the light, but it's the oncoming train! lol Children don't understand either. They see things through their own world. Mum is supposed to be the one that holds the family together. Mum's can't be "ill". It's sad. And it just adds more pressure.

      There is not a single positive thought that I can find. I feel the same... why is it everyone else seems to be getting their lives straightened out, have good jobs and don't have to worry about bills and lack of money and everything else.. I spent my whole life struggling and I'm no better off now than I was then. I used to enjoy photography. I even started doing a little freelance work here and there. Now, the only thing I enjoy is sitting in front of the telly so I can forget about my horrid life for a little while.

      I'm on meds, but obviously they're not working. But, most of this is situational and there is no medication for it. I just have run out of ideas on how to cope. Currently I take Prozac 40mg every morning and Lamictal 100mg every morning. Amitriptyline 75mg in the evening, another Lamictal, Melatonin and benedryl (I have trouble falling asleep). I see a new provider on the 25th and am hoping we can find something else to help with the depression and the anxiety.

      All you can do is get through the day a tiny step at a time. But sometimes even that seems futile. Hug to you my dear.

    • kelly8973
      kelly8973 lwhitworth67

      Posted

      Thanks for replying hun.

      I feel like screaming. Im in absolute agony today with stomach issues i think are due to these horrid ads im on which i cut down the dose just under 2 weeks ago. Im waking up at about 4am my whole body tingling which makes me panic more which leads to having to get up.i am suppossed to be back at work in wednesday after 6 weeks off but how can i

      I dont answer the phone as it's all companys wanting money. Iwith no sick pay and worrying about money it just makes everything worse. Have to keep turing the heating off because cant afford it. Im basically eating nothing. Bad enough suffering depression without the side effects medication causes.

      I really just want to pick up the phone and tell these companies to "@#$#@ "

      Im so tired of fighting. There hasnt been one day this year ive woke up and not felt ill

  • lwhitworth67
    lwhitworth67 Loljane

    Posted

    AAww....hunni, I know what you are feeling. I lost my job at the end of May and I've been able to stay home. BUT, it has cost a lot. Hubby is the only one working. We don't even have enough money to pay the rent every month, no less to buy food and pay other bills. It's horrid. I feel so guilty for being home. I've buggered out of job interviews because they just send me into a panic. 

    And I understand the effort just to wake up each day. I hated my job. Add to that chaotic stress and family issues and bills... who would WANT to wake up to that every morning!?! I used to do the same thing. It took me more than an hour to just psych myself up enough to get dressed. But then I had to make sure I was ready on time so I didn't miss my bus. By that time, my hands would be shaking and I couldn't put 2 coherant thoughts together. By the time I would get home at night, I'd be exhausted from it all. 

    I don't like interacting with people either. I have social anxiety to boot. I am perfectly happy with staying home and not having to go out. But again, I know it's a severe financial blow that we can't afford. I had actually stopped looking for work (but I didn't tell hubby). I just keep hoping that with his new job, once things are sort of on track then it will get better. He actually makes more money than I used to. 

    I've gotten so down that I've become suicidal. I'm on medication as well, but it doesn't seem to helping at the moment. I know a lot of it is situational, and there is no medication for that. I'll be seeing a new therapist/nurse practitioner in about 2 weeks. Maybe she'll be able to help me. 

    It is horrid. Mental illness is horrid. It steals our lives and our very selves. No one understands. They think it's just something to shake off. If only it were that easy. I made the mistake last night of telling my husband that I've started feeling suicidal. He just said that now he has one more thing to worry about and why would I do this now, when we have enough problems to deal with. Well, sorry,  honey. My brain chooses this, not me. I could bury my head in the sand, slap on a smile and pretend like this isn't all happening just so he doesn't have to deal with this right now. I regret even saying anything. I feel like such an idiot.

    Anyways, hon.... I know exactly how you feel. For us, just waking up in the morning is a major accomplishment. Hugs to you lovee. Here is you need to talk. I do understand.

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