GF trouble with anti-dep, loss of love, Sertraline vs. mirtazapine

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Hello, Im new here but I was just trying to get an idea of whats going on with these drugs.

So my gf of 4 years was taking sertraline for a month or so before she decided she needed a break from the relationship, she said she felt like she couldn't love anymore and that she didn't want to burden me with her problems along with a ton of other things. A month has gone by and communication carried on although I felt like the relationship was doomed, lost forever. I still want to be there for her and help, just in case she comes back around to me. But it seems like it may take years and I dont know how long I can hang around.

She is now reducing her sertraline doseage over a week and will move onto mirtazapine due to other side effects the serts were giving her. I understand mirtazapine does the same thing to the brain as the SSRIs but in a different way.

I was just wondering if anyone could tell me if the mirtazapine causes a strain on relationships? A feeling of not being able to love? And if you can give me some advice on how to go about treating her right in this new territory of experimenting with anti-depressants?

Thanks, hope it wasnt too much waffle for you to read. I feel abit lost and I just want to help. 

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6 Replies

  • Posted

    Been taking mirtazapine just upped to 30 mg. And i dont feel that emotional numb feeling ssriS gave me.
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    • Posted

      Thanks for your reply!

      Sounds promising, how are you doing with the mirtazapine? Are your relations with other people effected by taking this drug?

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  • Posted

    Hi John,I took mitizapine and I felt like a zombie,loss of memory and put on weight I was only on them 3 months and i had a horrible withdrawl,I don t know how old your girlfriend is  but experience of anti depressants are not good,I know everyone is different,but I ve decided to get a counsoller,don t get me wrong I d love to find that magic tablet that helped my anxiety and panic attacks but I ve not been lucky enough to find it.Please tell your girlfriend to think very carefully about mirtizapine maybe you could luck at people's experiences on this site.i hope your girlfriend feels better soon,be patient with her,and let her go at her own pace,gently engerouge  her to just do simple things,maybe go for a walk,listen to her,everyone reacts differently to all anti depressants,but mirtizapine withdrawl can be very hard,good luck to you and your girlfriend 
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    • Posted

      Tanks for your reply.

      Im sorry to hear about your experience with Mirtazapine, I understand it effect people in different ways and I have encouraged her to look up other peoples experiences and proceed with caution. We are in our early 20s, she did use SSRIs for a few months when she was in her early teens and is wondering if that has exacerbated her condition. Anyway, I know these anti-depressants are all trial and error and there may be one that is right for some people, but it seems like it's a futile attemp to completely heal. I get that it may help lift you to a better place and from there it may be easier to work on the depression. But I worry that long-term use will encourage a dependency on the drugs. Maybe not addiction as some arn't addictive in the biological sense, but chasing the happy feeling through pills rather than doing it the hard way and slowly working on it and building yourself up by altering the lifestyle, CBT, exercise and confronting any buried emotions.

      How are the counsolling sessions going for you? Is there any other experiances that you have had that have had a positive effect on your mental health? Is there anyhing else I can do apart from just being there if she feels like she wants to talk to me? What were the effect you suffered through the withdrawl? I am being patient and showing I am there for her, leaving communication open and welcome, its just hard to find the right balance between space and involvement at the moment. I had left the house because she said she thought it was for the best as she didnt wan't everything to get messy, and for the past month I have been away at work. Its been pretty rough, its just hard to gauge where we are at right now. I will be going to see her soon, hopefully she is more stable and I can get some answers.

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    • Posted

      You are one lovely man your girlfriend is a very girl,i wish my husband was like you.

      i think you re spot on about medication,from what I ve learnt through my experience,they really should only be used for couple of years,your girlfriend is very young to have to start the rolla coaster that is anti depressants, to be through full my withdrawl from mirtizapine was hell I would nt wish it on my worst enemy,my memory still isn't 100% and I stopped taking them nearly 8 months ago.i pay for my counsoller and I m finding it very helpful,it's just like chatting to a friend and she gets me to think about situations differently,for example my dad died very suddenly and I know I took it hard,but after 9 years she thinks it's still effecting me, because of the shock my brain has gotten stuck in that momment of panic and upset. It can be very interesting and I think it would be healthier for your girlfriend to maybe try something like that first and see how she feels.For me just having someone to lean on makes things better, I hope what I have said is helpful to you.your girlfriend will be scared that's why she s trying to push you away,she doesn't want to drag you down,when your mind can't think properly and you re panicking it's one of the scariest things to happen to you,think of something that you are scared of and imagine you have to face that fear every minute of the day and you just want to escape,that's how it feels to have anxiety/panic attack.i hope this helps you both good luck 

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    • Posted

      Thanks for the kind words, Fudgeybear. For the record what you have said has been very helpful. Most of the people I have spoke with have told me I shouldn't put up with it and to cut all ties, but these people dont understand what depression entails and what the drugs can do to peoples emotions. In my heart I know I should do right by her.

      I think the councellor is a good idea and I will mention it to her. If they encourage you to consider different angles to situations, I can imagine when she is feeling down with the depression thoughts can become short sighted and there may be no way around certain obsticles in life. Im sorry to hear about your father passing and the extent of grief you have suffered, I hope you are managing it well.

      Have you experienced any disconnection or apathy towards loved ones while taking mirtazapine? Have they altered your mental state at all, apart from your memory?

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