Girlfriend is Bipolar and I'm at breaking point

Posted , 8 users are following.

I'm a private guy and this is my last resort! I've been with my girlfriend since June last year - we are both 40 next month - I love her too bits without question and outside work this is the first time I've been exposed to mental health issues ( I hate the phrase mental health as it purports a negative stigma). When we got together very early on my partner told me she suffered with bipolar - I'm a level headed guy so I took it upon myself too research the condition from various sources to get as much information as I could. I can now see the manic and depressive triggers - I've tried all the support mechanisms I have read about - being supportive, being understanding, giving space and not pressuring, being over concerned, arguing back and being assertive (which I hate). When we are good we are good but far too frequently I receive negative comments, more often personal and insulting comments, all the time I get told stories of her past life and relationships which I'm told were so fantastic, I constantly get told her life now (which I take to be the life with me) is so boring and rubbish - I was sat on the sofa 2 days ago and we were talking about going on our first holiday together in May and then my girlfriend descended into a calm but hurtful rhetoric of how she would ignore me if I wore the shorts and t-shirts that I own - how she would not talk too me if I used the goggles I use in the pool at the gym whilst on holiday - small insignificant things but after so much insults over the last few months - I started to cry! What took the biscuit is on the 18th Feb my daughter from my previous marriage would have been 4 years old! I mentioned this just in passing on the 19th Feb whilst we were watching telly as a similar subject came up on the programme and my partner acknowledged what I had said (she new about it from early doors) and then immediately started taking about her abortion 12 years ago which was her choice to have as her relationship at that time was going nowhere which I also new about. Yesterday we were fine - really good, tonight I'm getting a barrage of txts saying we are over, she can't see me or talk too me - I'm thinking she is in a depressive cycle and this has happened before on 3 or 4 occasions - I love this girl so much but I'm needing help as too what if anything I can do more to help - any comments really much appreciated!

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7 Replies

  • Posted

    Hello.

    I feel your pain so much. My BF is also bipolar. We have been together over a year now.

    He broke up with me once over a month ago for a very stupid reason, he said he had so much going on at that moment that he couldn't deal with having a relationship, the only thing going on at that time was he sold the hpuse and was moving to an apartment. Normal things that for me it's not a big deal but he stress out so much all the time.

    I let him be, I even told him not to call me or text me. Couple of weeks ago he texted me and we have been in contact since then. We haven't come back together officially yet. But I know it's very hard to deal with situations like this and it takes so much patient but if you feel she is worth it and the time you had together is precious I would say give it another chance.

    I wish the best of luck to you.

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  • Posted

    Hi My partner of 2yrs also has bipolar & it's been a rollercoaster relationship since we met ! I too have done much research so I can understand the illness !

    I've experienced several times all the issues you talk about & txt breaking up the relationship too & my honest opinion is it's never gonna change , there will always be ups, downs & good days & bad days but my partner is never abusive , violent or insulting as to why I'm still with him !

    You have to accept & adjust as this was the advice given on this site by a wife of a bipolar sufferer !!!

    It does seem that they only focus on their own feelings & not able to consider how they affect others around them although I'm not saying this is on purpose it's just the way they are.

    Hope this has been of some help

    Good luck

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  • Posted

    Hi I've read all the comments and I'm definitely in the right place i have been with my partner for about 5 months she too has bi polar and I'm new to it I would just like to find ways to eleviate some of the stress without creating more..all answers much appreciated ty

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  • Posted

    I'm bipolar and sorry but bipolar and abusive aren't synonymous. Does she responsibility for her words; is she on medication; what coping mechanisms does she employ to manage herself; does she apologise; is there any insight on her part? As with any health issue the full responsibility can be on loved ones only, we're does the person end and the disease begin.

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  • Posted

    I have Bipolar, it is very common to make rash decisions ( your girlfriend ending relationship on regular basis) is one. The insults towards you is no excuse for Bipolar, yes every Bipolar person is different just like every drunk person is different. Sounds to me like a narcissist and a bully. Usually they insult others to make themselves feel better. Hope this helps x
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  • Posted

    I really need help.   I am struggeling with my boyfriend.  He goes into these moods then wont talk to me for weeks etc.  Always negative.  Keeps leaving me and then feels sorry he does so.  Its a tremendous rollercoaster ride for me mentally.   I am at breaking point as we have been together for 7 years like this.  I love him so much its unreal but at the same time its destroying me.  He ruins every special day for me.  No support when I need it.  One minute he is super fine  and within a split second he is a different person.  He then turns to not talking to me its like he is in severe depression or something.    He would ask me to book a holiday for us and then he wouldnt respond at all    I cancelled so many trips its unreal.   I think we broke up every 2nd month for 7 years for NO reason at all.  Then he says I must fight for us   then he says he doesnt care       I dont want to leave him as I really love him  but at the same time  I am changing fast too  as I have to be extremely careful what I say etc.   I dont know what is going  on anymore.    He wont tell me if he is indeed bipolar but it looks like it to me and I do not know how to deal with it    as its mentally messing me up     I do not even think anymore.   There is no pressure  nothing  as I told him I cannot move in with him like this  nor marriage    as I did move in with him and within a day he said he needed space.    Then if I move out again   he says he is sorry  he doesnt know why he is like this.     I have never been in a situation like this.   If there is anyone out there who can give me positive feedback  I will appreciate it.   

     

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  • Posted

    He does take sort of responsibility   he always says he is a mess and it wont happen again.   But within a timeframe of about 2 weeks it does happen again.  I kept marking it on a calender and I could see the pattern for over a year.  Every 3 weeks  its that time again.   Me being ignored,  etc.   What I did notice is that he is also becoming ill in those times,  like always some kind of infection or so.  He REALLY then doesnt want anybody around him.   Its like he goes into a complete shutdown.   In the beginning of our relationship 7 years ago  I once pitched unanounced at his place   and I was quite surprise to see what was going on.  He actually opened the door which he normally in that state refused to open for me.   He was busy cooking   looked different like he was in a daze   and all the curtains were drawn etc.    Oh  and he is always tired.   Its like my needs doesnt matter at all.   Its like he doesnt want me to be happy.   I also noticed as time passed  that the timeframe for him to get like this is becoming shorter,   not every 3 weeks  but lately every 2nd week.   I am at breaking point at this stage,  as it doesnt matter what I offer which way,   he refuses my help or assistance.    It dawned on me whatever I go through  I will have to do so always as he goes away if I am in a crisis.   He then is negative,  non responsive at all.    Please tell me how to deal with this.    I do not know about his medication  but I do know he does take something  but he refuses to say anything about it.  He just said I am not stupid  I can guess.   
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