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Hi, I don't come to this website often. In fact I don't come at all. I just have absolutely no body to speak to and this feeling is extremely overwhelming and it keeps bottling up inside me. I try not to cry when I write this but I tear up a bit. I have been going out with my girlfriend for over 3 years everything has been great we shared alot of great memories. I couldn't live without her. I am an absolute social disaster, I am extremely shy and awkward around people and she was my only friend- in fact she was my soulmate. We have argued for the past few months and we've both been very emotional but something broke nearly 2 weeks ago. On that day I have been an idiot towards her, I was abusive (not physically) and I upset her in general up to the point where she just stormed out and left me. Things got even worse on facebook after she said that we need to talk and she offered a break - I didn't agree we argued and alot of mean things were said in both ways. Fast forwards 4 days and we managed to kinda get back together but as usual I messed it up only about 8 hours later. Fast forward to today, I speak to her on facebook, I was very careful and nice to her offered to take her out for a meal and buy her a gift. She wasn't having it, she kept telling me to stop, kept telling me that she doesn't want to be together. I literally begged her, it was so low because she didn't give a flying **** about me but I was there like a do begging her to take me back. She didn't agree to anything when I asked her if she loves me she kept saying I don't know. About 10 minutes ago she replied again saying "I don't know I don't think so" it shattered my heart, made my body shake and I feel like I want to burst out crying. I have no friends like at all, nobody. Most people have that one person they can fall back on, well I don't. I can't sleep or eat I try to sleep for as long as I can so I can spend fewer hours at home, I never go out I have no one to go out with all I do is wander from Facebook to Youtube and I watch the hours pass by. I think about her all the time, she was the only person I cared about and now there is no us anymore. It's summer, I'm stuck at home with nothing to do no hobbies, nothing. Next year I will have to go back to school and I will be in most of her lessons. There is nothing I can do, this anxiety and depression is crippling me I can feel it coming back. I suffered from depression 3 years ago and she was the person who turned my life upside down and now she's gone and things will be the same again. I just wanted to get my feelings out, I know that I will be crying all of today, tomorrow and possibly the whole week I just can't move on.
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