Girlfriend with anxiety in love two weeks ago says she feel nothing now and breaks up

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I have been dating my girlfriend for 4.5 months, but we very close (texting for hours nightly) for 5 months prior. She has said that she has anxiety and it has been getting worse with work stress. Unfortunatly, I work with her. We are the same role in different parts of the company about 3 hours apart. We would see each other on weekends and 1 weeknight a week. We share information and collaborate, but not really effect each other other wise. A few weeks ago she said that work stress is really having an effect on her and that she asociates me with work. She statred picking fights with me blaming me for things that happened in my area of the company before I worked for the company. She has told me she has pushed people away in the past, but even 3 weeks prior to our break-up she told me that she was "crazy in love"  and that she had never felt what she feels with me with anyone before that she can remember (even her ex husband in the beginning of their relationship.)

We had lots of talks about us and I was certainly frustrated because she started pushing me away and I told her that she had told me that is what she does and we have always agreed we would work on things together. 

She requested a physical break but said that we would talk/text. We did, but the text would be discussing us and I would get frustrated when she was acting apathetic.

Then we were supposed to go to a conference together. We were going to meet in the city that was only and hour away from where I live and she called me that day and told me not to come that night because she had a hard day at work and didnt want to say something she would regret. I said ok. I still went to the city and stayed at a friends house but didnt contact her that night to give her more space.

The next day I asked if she wanted me to stay that night she said she did. After the conference we were going to go to the zoo and we had agreed to it weeks before and she suddenly didnt want to go and said she needed to do work. I said it wasnt about the zoo it was about spending time together not at work. She worked for 30 minutes and then stopped. That night I expressed that she wasnt being affectionate and still pushing me away and she said she was sorry and felt bad. The next day she was very affectionate, holding my hand, went back to the room and was intimate with her talling me she loved me, went out to drinks with the comany. She got drunk but was still affectionate and when we were away from our co-workers kissed me very passionatly out of no-where. 

The next day she was a bit colder again and very hung over. She said she wanted to talk, but we didnt have time. We agreed to meet the next day at a location between the two of us. We met, she said she didnt love me anymore and gave me all the things back of mine that I had in her house and even things that when we were just friends I had given her.

That was 5 days ago. She stated that she didnt want any contact with me except work. I told her i am here for her and care about her. I text her the next day and told her I cared about her, then Monday she text me asking work advice- even though there was no real need for the advice.

Two-days after I text her that I never want to lose her as a friend and that i am her. She said she wanted to not lose our friendship either.

I am very confused and dont know what to do. She said a couple weeks back she wanted to see a counselor but had not got one scheduled at the time of her breaking up with me. I do love her, and we have a rediculous amount in common likes and morals and ethics, I have to come into contact with her at work sometimes, but I hate acting like nothing is wrong and I am fristrated because I cant beloieve she feels nothing for me after saying she had never felt something like what she felt only a couple weeks prior and saying she loved me two days before.

Do I wait? do I go on no contact? She says she is getting counseling help but hasnt yet.  Will she come out of this and want me back? Like I said I love her, but the anxiety for me is bad because I was blind sided but have to see her. We never fought and really only disagreed a few times that were remedied quickly.

It is hard to believe her feelings are just gone. Especially when she says she still cares about me.

Please advise.


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7 Replies

  • Posted

    Just anxiety related it sounds like. I know your there for her and that's great but maybe she just needs some space and figure out what's important in her life...

    Hope everything works out 4 u.

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    • Posted

      Thank you! I appreciate the support. It is just so hard for me to believe she just stopped loving me. I am a scientist by trade and look for data. I would love to know the stats for people that leave other because of anadonia/anxiety/depression and come back. Just to know what I should be hoping for.

      Thank you again!

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  • Posted

    Well, it sounds to me like she is confused.. But that anxiety problem seems like an excuse to her erratic behaviour towrds you.. Be careful.. She might hurt you if you let her carry on..

    Why don't you give her a couple of weeks with no contact? Shoukd be enough for her to realise she realky likes you.. Or not.. But I have been there.. Dont hurt yourself more by staying round when someone is pushing you away.. Show her your worthy by standing for yourself too! Believe me, I've been there!

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  • Posted

    All I can suggest is you give her space, and see how things go. Sometimes when people work together it can be a real problem keeping work seperate from a work place romance.

    She needs space, 


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  • Posted

    With some people emotions can be turned on off both on purpose and uncontrollable. She sounds very confused.

    Also is she truthful all the time or does she lie to you. If she lies about stuff that's not a good sign.

    Has she always been like this?

    She must see a counsellor asap, not put it off.

    You must be very confused too.

    I don't really have a definitive answer but I've recently had a break up and thru my fault we fell apart. I wasn't truthful and scared of being honest with her but it caught up with me in end.

    Hope this helps


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    • Posted

      She has always been very honest with me. And have no indication that she has ever lied to me. Even after the first time she said hat she loved me about a week later she back pedaled and said she wasn't sure and that I was very important and she didn't want to break up. We didn't and after a couple of weeks of going on spending time together she said that she did love me and that she had the whole time but was scared and worried. I would like to think that it is the same now but now she had broken up and immediatly have all my stuff back doesn't want contact except when we have to for work. She still insists she cares about me.

      Thank you for your response. Information from people helps I think. I am sorry for your loss of the relationship. I appreciate you sharing.


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