Given up on life then found your way?

Hi Girraffe, sorry to hear you are so low. I can't say I been there and recovered, as I am going through it myself at the moment. I do hope you have some comfort tonight, I hear you.

I was talking to my old CPN many years ago I was quite ill, One meeting she said.

We all have negative thoughts, many of these thoughts become less problematic when our health has us trapped against a Brick Wall

Life seems more precious when we have nowhere to run.

If not already talk to your GP.

If feeling hopeless contact either NHS INFORMATION lINE on TEL 111 UK only This line will decide on an Emergency Service to help

You can contact Samaritans, they will talk 

I have been we're you're at many times, and now again. I am weak mentally, physically even down to spiritually. I cry so much on a daily basis. I have a so called Mom that has hated me and let's me know that every day. Facing less then a 20% chance of making surgery. I have so much more going on but to name a couple. For me, when I am so hopeless and nowheres to turn, I put myself away Mentally. When I know I cannot do it myself and need help Medically. I have had 2 Nervous Breakdowns and 3 Mental Breaks. I laid in bed for a little over a year in a deep depression and I don't wanna go there again. You need to think what or who put you in this Depression and rid of it. If we keep doing or being around people or things that bring us down, it eventually will make us sick. You need to do alot of Soul searching and trust me you need to rid of all negativity in your life. Most of all, if you continue to be depressed badly, please put yourself away and get help you need. I know myself I'm doing it tomorrow. I cannot stand feeling like this, it's tiring me out. I hope I helped a little

Yes,  I was in that kind of position for 35 years of my life, I am now 55.  If someone said to me that I would be living and enjoying the life the way I am at present, I would of said it was not impossible. 

During the 35 years that I was severely depressed and had no sense of direction at all. Two suicide attempts, drug using, unruly behaviour and self harming in my mid forties.

My parents and the rest of my family disowned me because of the negativity, selfishness and chaos that came along with my severe depression. I had put them through years of worry.

My long term partner left me after 11 years for someone else, at that time my two children were the the centre of my world, they were  my reason to function and exist. She told me to leave.

I became homeless and lived on the streets for 3 years. Because I have a very bad habit of being over kind for my own good, the other homeless guys, robbed me constantly for the little I had.  I grew desperate because I was surrounded by others who were street tough and I didn’t stand much chance, but I endured, not letting those who robbed me take away my kind and giving nature.

Everything came to a head when I got involved with some very tough guys. I was minding and had in my possession, hole point ammunition and canisters of explosives,( gun power). I was stop by police and they charged me for section 4 of the terrorist act and imprisoned for 4 years because I would grass up those I was minding the bullets and explosives.

Prison time is major reflection time. So I searched inside myself why was I the way I was. I went over the things that had an impact on my earlier life and I started to read as much information I could on depression. I read about head trauma because I had fell over the back of the settee when I was 8 monrhs old and i was rendered unconscious for over 15 mins. That was 1964 and back then there was little known about brain injuries. So a doctor was called, I had woken up by the time he had arrived and he checked me over telling my mum that I appeared to be fine just keep an eye on me.  

At 18 months I developed epilepsy and until the age of 6 I was seeing one specialist after another. I know have Iatrophobia, which is the fear of doctors. I outgrew the seizures at 6 year old but have struggled ever since etc.

So I had my starting point. Head trauma as an infant and I searched all information about post trauma affects of head injuries and from my severe depression, sucidal thoughts, unruly behaviour etc it explained it word for word.

It is now known that presently any child who had that kind of head trauma would have professional support all the way though childhood right through school to adulthood.

So what was done was done because of the times I fell under the radar. So I learned everything about “what is anxiety “.  Depression, phobias, self harm. And bit by bit I gained the knowledge to inner reflect.

During my 4 years sentence my mum pass away and I used this tragic life event to come out of my inner darkness and beat depression. Which is a negative entity that lives in everyone of us, it is just some people handle it differently and others it destroys. IF YOU ALLOW IT TO DESTROY YOU.  

I said to myself that depression is my enemy, because that what it is, it feeds off negative response, self pity and fear. And by telling myself that I took charge of what I think and I began to think positively. And here I am at 55 years of age with my own home, iPhone repair business and the rest is history.

Take away the power of the negative force of depression. Do not feed it with negative response. It wants you to feel worthless. It wants you to think that life is not living. Zap it with positive thinking which we’ll lead to positive response and behaviour.

With love and at peace

David 

Hi I always think being depressed is like being overdrawn at the bank.  Lets say life owes you £100 many people keep looking for that £100 and won't accept anything less.  Ie they want and expect a total cure.  Not saying you are but it is common and natural to want that.

Instead what you do is start nibbling away at your overdraft in as many different ways as possible.  Look for smaller things to start with.  You manage to do one more thing than usual - that's £5.00.  You speak to a good friend and that's £10.  You get some meds from the doctor and that's another £10.  You seek counselling and that's £15.00.  Get the idea?

By now you are up to £40, not perfect but a lot better than you started with.  x