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God Please

Posted , 15 users are following.

susan39015
susan39015

The day started like they all do... actually there really isnt an end to the day because i toss and turn all night, weird vivid dreams, digestive issues and so on. You open up your eyes to get slapped in the face with that INSTANT anxiety feeling that literally feels like your being kicked in the gut that leaves me fidgety and unable to focus. The day didnt go well with how i feel, arguing with my husband while we were on the way to the cemetary so i could put flowers by my parents which i basically threw in the cup holder blew them both a kiss and left.

Laid on the bed with the 100 symptoms I feel everyday physically despite the Drs saying im fine. Im watching tv just watching people LIVE. I dont remember what that is like. I found myself praying for God to take me please God take me now. My beautiful teenage daughter who is about to graduate is such a strong girl she has a tic disorder that she deals with very well, that I blame myself for giving it to her. She walked into my room and sat on the bed and i asked her how things went, she went to get coffee wth her best friend since grade school who is a boy and they are having some troubles. She started to cry. She laid down next to me and I wrapped her in my arms and ran my fingers through her hair and wiped away her tears and told her i loved her. It was like she was 2 again. I squeezed her and was sobbing on the inside because I didnt want to have a break down in front of her thinking about all the ways ive failed her and my other daughter and how much of their lives ive missed that I will never get back because i was checked out mentally and feeling like s**t physically. I then prayed God please let me feel better please take this all away so I can be the mother my daughters deserve.

Thats all I just really needed someplace to go and ramble ❤

4 likes, 9 replies

9 Replies

  • marisol06794
    marisol06794 susan39015

    Posted

    hello susan I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through but I totally understand I've been going through this for 5 years now and it's horrible my life has changed so much I have no energy anymore I don't exercise anymore I've gained 35 pounds I don't want to exercise I'm so exhausted I I can eat with digestive problems dizziness nausea I've gotten every symptom in the book name it I've got it all I just want to have a normal life and be able to enjoy it with my family I'm always tired shortness of breath headaches it's just so much going on and these mood swings oh my God I could be happy 1 minute crying the next and don't get me started on my bad moods my poor husband I don't see him all day because he works 10 hour shifts and instead of me being happy when he gets home it's like I've seen the devil I argue with him over any little thing and all he does is keeps quiet I really thank God that I have him he is really supportive and loving he says I can't understand what you're going through but I know that it has to be difficult because this ain't you but with God's help we will get through this together it's so tough what US ladies have to go through but hopefully we'll get through this try to hang in there I know it's not easy as I write to you I'm laying in bed exhausted don't lose faith God is wonderful and I know he's always here for us I will have you in my prayers hope you feel better soon!!!

  • Guest
    Guest susan39015

    Posted

    Aww Susan - I know exactly how you are feeling. I know, I understand and I get it...I really get it.

    I struggle almost every day. The past 4 days have been more difficult than I can remember having in a very long time. I am sad, anxious, have pains in my chest, arms, head....I can't escape from it. I mourn for the woman I used to be. I am envious of all the women that are living their lives with passion, joy and good health.

    Days like this I throw my hands up with tears in my eyes and just ask for help to make it through another day. I pray for health physically and emotionally. The thought of having to live the rest of my life like this is incomprehensible. It has got to get better - somehow, someway - it has to get better.

    Hang in there. You have more strength than you think.

  • Guest
    Guest susan39015

    Posted

    I've gotten so good at faking feeling good. Everyone thinks I'm better, but they have no idea. Nobody knows what it's like, except for you all here on this forum. I wonder sometimes how long one can endure all this?

    And I wonder if one day I'll wake up and be back to feeling normal? It can't last the rest of my life, can it?

    • lexie41068
      lexie41068 Guest

      Posted

      hello Suzanne, I too hope this won't last, learning to fake our emotions is not easy but I know I have no choice but to. Please God help us.

  • RISKYBIZNESS
    RISKYBIZNESS susan39015

    Posted

    I truly like what you shared because it is so raw and familiar.

    I t can get better but it takes a lot out of you on the way there. everyday can be a struggle true but there are great gals here that share a lot of wisdom on this forum.

    God bless and give you what you need to help on this journey.

    Regards.

  • Sassyr12a
    Sassyr12a susan39015

    Posted

    Hey Susan

    Your post broke my heart, I completely get it and I'm sure you verbalise how most of us feel on times. I just wanted to send you love and hugs, and to say keep on moving, get off your own back and stop kicking yourself, stop blaming yourself.... This is flipping hard! I used to feel like I'd failed my little boy, always feeling so anxious and worried, I used to think I was the worst mother - just not good enough. But if you ask your girls their opinion I can guarantee they won't agree, because like most of us, even though you feel broken on the inside you are always pushing through for your family, being supportive, solving problems, drying tears, school runs, trips, parties.... That's what they'll remember xxx

  • 2chr2015
    2chr2015 susan39015

    Posted

    your title is how i have been feeling today as well. All of the ladies posts are such a blessing. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have this forum. I recently broke my foot and had to have surgery. Physical Therapy was rough this week so my foot hurts, I had to have a temporary crown put on one of my teeth and the edge was rough and cutting underneath my tongue. Its been so painful, I couldn't even hardly talk yesterday. On top of all that, I have the FLU! Tomorrow makes a week. fever, chills, sore throat, cough, the whole nine yards. So yes GOD PLEASE! i feel like I'm dying slowly and as miserably as possible. It's 4 am and I am laying here burning up with a fever. Convinced myself I now have pneumonia and its gone to my brain and I'm going to die.

    I want to be like those people I see on tv and at the grocery store or in the pick up line at school. Here is the only place I can get any comfort to know I am not alone in all of this. I hope you feel better today. ((hugs)) ... I'm seriously thinking it cant get worse for me!

  • susan39015
    susan39015

    Posted

    I wish i could thank all of you individually but I am a complete mess today so I am sending out the biggest thank you and tons of hugs and love to all of you amazing, kind, strong uplifting women. Your words of kindness and encouragement mean so much to me. I wish we were all close to each other so we could meet up once a week. Ive never wanted to hug so many strangers haha altho I dont consider you ladies strangers -you are friends. Love, hugs and happier days to all xoxo ❤❤

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