Going backwards

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My mum is back in my life after 10 years, unfortunately my step dad died in April from cancer was very hard to watch. So I knew I had to help me mum, I done the best I could for her sorted out all her fiances decorated her flat. But nothing good enough for her, she hasn't been the best of mothers in fact she is not a nice person. Her partner left her in 33 thousand pounds worth of debt. Which is everyone else's thought apart from there's, she talks to me horrible, my husband said to me how can you let her talk to you like that. I said she has no one now so I can't walk away. The mental abuse I had when I was a kid has come back and now am 48. I can feel this depression coming back with vengeance, I cry all the time the pressure she puts on me is unreal. And I k ow if he didn't die she still wouldn't of had anything to do with me. So much happened as a kid into adult hood with me mum, that I can't go into to. She talks to everyone like there bit of dirt, so embarrassing and she's always been like that. Am not sure how am gonna cope with it all, how can you love someone and don't like them at the same time. Am so gutted me step dad died coz now iam living in a nightmare. It's horrible to say but my mum is not a nice person to anyone. She always put her men before me and me brother. But now she's on her own, she is constant on with me. And all I wanna do is runaway

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  • Posted

    hi donna, i couldn't believe what i read from you. my mum can do that to me over certain things. she hardly ever hugs me! her background was a really kind dad and really harsh mum. may be cut her off because at 48 you shouldn't feel be littled by her, hurt by her or anything else negative. you have a built a life without her. be happy with your own life. it's a tough thing to do but i wish you luck. seek counselling if necessary.

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  • Posted

    Hi Donna, I feel so bad for you. You can't let your mom treat you this way. Speak up for yourself. Let her know that you are willing to be a part of her life, and help her as much as possible. But if she doesn't treat you and talk to you like the human being/daughter then you are going to walk away. She needs you and you want her love, but love should not hurt. So please tell her that you will not continue to accept her very bad behavior. Praying for you, Mina.

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    • Posted

      I know what your both saying and it's true, I walked away 10 years ago by the way she treated me. Now it's like a guilt trip she does with me, she like I might aswell give up, I can't cope am lonely and bored etc etc. Am a good person and I know I shouldn't let her make me feel guilty. My husband and kids are like you can't let her do this to you again we won't let it. So I try now and keep it to meself, I don't know if I could live with the fact if my mum hurt herself.... Would she hmm I don't know.

      Thanks for your reply xxxx

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    • Posted

      Oh dear this is very difficult isn't it? Aren't there any family members who can help out with her? How about your brother for one? You can't be made solely responsible for her and nor should you be. She is an adult and needs to be in charge of her own life.

      My mother was always a very difficult woman but I have 3 sisters who helped out so I didn't see her as much as maybe I should have. Long ago I built emotional brick walls against her so consciously surrounded myself with those when I had dealings with her. I did have to stand up for myself though and as she wouldn't take the nice ways I had to get a bit tougher - and did. I wasn't having her trying to repeat the actions of my childhood and that was of paramount importance. In other words I did my duty as much as I could because I owed it to her as my mother and because of the guilt factor.

      You just have to accept that with aging difficult parents guilt goes with the territory but you just have to do what you can without letting it affect you too much. Good luck. x

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