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I'm not in the best frame of mind at the moment and just wanted to put my thoughts out there.
My wife and I split up over a year and a bit ago, due to me having severe depression and us growing apart. The relationship lasted 6 years and for 3 of those, we were married.
She wanted me to move out of the house we rented (which I did). I found a place, paid 3 months rent for her (she earnt half what I did) and I paid off her 3k of debt.
After a few months of being single I started the divorce proceedings as I wanted to move on with my life.
It's been roughly a year and it feels no further along. She has claimed she isn't the respondent and that her name is wrong (even though it was copied by my solicitor directly from the marriage certificate). She is trying to extort money out of me by saying that I have to pay her a lump sum of money or she'll go after my pension.
She is claiming that she is "entitled" to half joint savings even though she contributed nothing and the money was in my account direct from my wages. I know in the view of the law this is correct but it feels so wrong that because I didn't blow my wage each month (like she did), it could be a payday for her and I get punished for thinking of the future!
Due to moving out I had to put a rental bond down, bought new stuff for my flat, got a bit of a social life again, I paid for the solicitors and as I mentioned given her a chunk of money anyway. So my savings have been substantially reduced, to the point that there is barely anything left now.
In order to try to resolve things financially, (I don't want her coming out of the woodwork in 10 years time asking for money), I have made her an offer that she can keep the stuff in the house, doesn't have to pay me any money back or contribute to the solicitors fees and will get an additional 3k. This would then be done as a clean break / consent order by the solicitor to make sure it is all legal.
She had 14 days to respond or the offer would be removed (in an attempt to get the process moving) guess what. No response! So I guess the next step is to go to mediation and I will be claiming stuff back from her.
I am so frustrated and confused by her behaviour, I just feel so powerless to do anything and I can't work out if it is greed, stupidity or just emotional mind games on her part. I haven't spoken to her in over a year and there has been no contact what so ever and yet I still feel in a state of limbo because I feel this is hanging over me!
My depression has improved substantially since the split and I'm about to start another job, (less money but it will be doing stuff I enjoy!), so there are positives. However, the whole process has made me a bit distrustful of other people now, the person I once loved acting in a way I didn't think possible, it just makes me think I must be a bad judge of character.
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