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Going thru Menopause

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AVR1962
AVR1962

4 years ago I noticed issues with irritability, bowel issues, repeated bladder infections and yeast infections. Each each my doc runs tests to see where my hormones are. Here I am at 51, having hot flashes, irritability that sometimes keeps me at home and away from people, I have good days when I am happy and then days I feel depressed. I am still taking the pill and my symptoms seem mild in comparison with a friend who is also going thru this. Sleep has been disrupted now for over 3 years, although in recent months it has been better. Probably my worst symptom is my irritability and I realize I have to keep my mouth shut and just allow what ever is happening around me. I have felt like leaving my husband of 22 years, when I am around friends I sometimes have to just become quiet because things they say or do will get under my skin. This last year has been hard. I have had 2 months at a time without a cycle. Right now I am just waiting for all this to be over. If anyone can lend advise I would greatly appreciate it.

0 likes, 19 replies

19 Replies

  • wendy1207
    wendy1207 AVR1962

    Posted

    Hi, I have beengoing thru exactly the same.  Try Kalms, they work for me with the irratability, as long as you take them exactly as they say and they do take a while to get into your system, but highly recommended, and they are herbal.  Good luck .
  • Chrisy
    Chrisy AVR1962

    Posted

    I think you need to speak again to your GP and maybe get some help with your anxiety issues.  I had similar probs at the peri-menopause stage.  Took Citalipram for a couple of years to help with anxiety and irritability.  Particularly if it is stopping you leaving the home and affecting your marriage and friendships.  Remember you are not the only one who feels like this.  Good luck
    • AVR1962
      AVR1962 Chrisy

      Posted

      Chrissy, good call ith the anxiety. I do have an appt set up. I did recently purchae an over the counter supplement for anxiety and when I take it I notice a difference. 
    • Chrisy
      Chrisy AVR1962

      Posted

      Hi AVR  Good luck with your appointment.  It is probably the hardest thing for others to understand if they haven't been through it.  I am out the other side mostly.  I have my memory back and my anxieties are mostly under control again. I feel human again so there is hope for your future.  Good luck.
  • tbird29466
    tbird29466 AVR1962

    Posted

    Make sure when you have your hormones checked that you are off of the pill for a good long time.  My menopause doctor said to stop taking the pill, wait until the end of the breakthrough bleeding, then wait another month or so till you get your next period, and then 21 days from then you can get your hormones checked.  Any other way, the birth control pill will through off all measurements.  Just fyi, my internal medicine doctor didn't know this and I wasted a lot of time and money getting useless bloodtests
    • AVR1962
      AVR1962 tbird29466

      Posted

      Thanks, my doc said just 3 weeks. Perhaps this is what thre has been no chnage in the hormones. Here's another odd question for anyone who can answer it. My female doc mentioned that taking the pill can actuall make the cycles contniue. Anyone know anything about this?
    • jayneejay
      jayneejay AVR1962

      Posted

      hi ladies...

      also i forgot to mention, in early peri the hormones are so erractic that having the FSH blood test can not always be accurate ... it all depends on your hormones on that day, they could be totally different a week later..

      this happened to me and the doc said I was in peri but the FSH blood test result at that time years ago said all normal, this can be very frustrating..

      if you take the pill, the test will be not worth having... you need to be in a natural state to be tested... the pill is a hormone and will give false results.

      jay xx

  • jayneejay
    jayneejay AVR1962

    Posted

    Hi AVR 

    I am aged 49 and almost in year nine of peri ... what I can say is..

    in my earlier years of peri ... I had constant bladder sensitivity, always wanting to run to the toilet... seemed to be worse if I was out... and also I did and still have symptoms of thrush ... although not always actual thrush ... but symptoms, I have started using Replens MD vaginal moisturiser to keep all the dryness and irritability at bay, it works wonders.. I totally relate to what you are saying... Vit B 6 is a god send for such symptoms .... and a must for peri and post peri ladies... along with other supplements for bones etc Natecal ( Vit D3 and Calcium mix) 

    as for sleep i have been an insomniac for 9 years as long as I have been perimenopausal... I have help for that but only for when I am totally shattered.. not for the long term.. ( zopiclone) i struggle actually nodding off, it doesnt happen .. unless I have Melatonin ( natural) or zopiclone for as and when emergency sleep.. 

    i am afraid that yes, I can also relate to irritabilty, and anxiousness and its so easy to take it out on a loved one, but I dont as I know it can be the worst thing, I think we go through unsure feelings and thats mainly about who we are at this change of of our life, the sensitive bladder does stop... I am fine now bladder wise,  but still in peri.. been 8 months since i had a period only had two in 2013 and three in 2012.. so still not out the woods yet, I still find that each month I get like a PMT but no period, and this is usually very achey body for about a week, a mild headache or two, vicious headaches if a period does come, I still have the flushes they have come back lately, yet they did stop at one time.

    I think anxiousness is the worst for me at times, and feeling that something awful will happen... hope this all helps so you know your not alone... i am not on HRT, I take estroven Max natural tabs, Iron every other day now, Vit B6, Vit B12, Vit B1, Natecal, and Maca... Vit B 6 is excellent for peri, and aids weight control etc... 

    Jay xx

    • AVR1962
      AVR1962 jayneejay

      Posted

      Thanks for your reply. Goodness, I had no idea this could last that long and still have random menstration for years. I have several friends who went thru menopause in the early to mid 40's and for them all everything just stopped one day. I guess they were the lucky ones. 

      I do use melatonin and B6 for sleep.

      My bladder issues and my yeast issues have stopped and under control. I do take an over the counter supplement which helps alot for anxiety. I guess I just have to keep plugging along.

  • colleen55279
    colleen55279 AVR1962

    Posted

    Hi AVR1962, I feel for you, I went thru peri menopause when I was about 42, a very difercult time for me then as my mum was 42 when she passed away from breast cancer, along with many other issues in my life at that time. I felt like leaving my husband of 22 years as well, eventually I did, but in the meantime I got myself into some professional help and I had a friend who was a physciarist, she recommended I take evening primrose oil along with some medication for anxiety. This all helped, moving along till 2000 when I had a hysterectomy partial, I still have my ovaries, then came the flushes, weight gain(just a little) and the insecurity I felt with every decesion I made. Here I am now at nearly 63 and can now say I love myself and my life now, menopause can be the pits at times, and everyone will be full of information and advice, including myself, of how to handle it all, my advice is to be gentle on yourself you and your body are going through a rough spot but you do come out the other side, sometimes trying to retain a sense of humour and some good friends do help. In the meantime also try and find a good naturopath who can do a saliva test for your hormone levels which she/he can prescribe some supplements to adjust those levels, which will improve your life no end. I hope this helps and I am always willing to chat if you need to do that as well, cheers Colleen
    • AVR1962
      AVR1962 colleen55279

      Posted

      I think I need a leash on my tongue! Things are just hitting me wrong. This last month has been thrst month yet. Yesterday I went to the cashier to pay for gas and they had a new system and you now have to take a card from the pump to show which pump you were on, the cards have the pump number. I did not know about this new rule. I get to the counter and the cashier tells I need the card. I ask why and I was a bit defensive. I was only told it was a new policy. I told the guy it was rediculous. I then go to another cashier to pay. The guy infront of me does not have a card but this cashier warns him and tells him next time he will need the card. I would normally not say anything but yesterday I did. I told the guy he got lucky, I was told to go bnack out and get the card. Then I turn to the cashier and tell him that if they are going to impliment a new policy they need to have it posted on the pumps, told him that sometimes the lines to pay get quite long and sending everyone back out to get their pump card will make the wait even longer. The guy was very kind and he could see I was upset, he then explained the reasoning for the new policy and by the end of the transaction we were laughing.

      Came home, was sitting at the computer on a media site and husband puts a comment I did not care for on my page. It really ticked me off. I got up from the computer, told him I did not care for his comment, I was stern but under control. He then tells me the comment was not for me but for my friend instead....still it was not nice. I went to bed.

      Right now I am confused as to whether it is the hormones that are causing all the tension between my husband and I or if I have finally gotten tired of some his ways and am drawing boundary lines for his behavior.

      I had 3 years of counseling, stopped in Jan as I felt I was making steps for myself but I might have to go back.

       

    • jayneejay
      jayneejay AVR1962

      Posted

      AVR ..

      bless you hun, you sound all over the place at the moment..

      years ago when I was married ... I was like this, I was put on anti delressants for years although not depressed, they seemed to space me out and mask my real issues... but I mustered on, kept going back to GP, then on one visit he asked my husband to attend aswell which he did, and bingo... it all came out, I said I am not depressed, the problem is him ' meaning my poor husband' and that was it I recognised my real problems, my husband was laid back, hard working, and not one to make conversation, or be understanding, head in a PC all night long, it was like I was not appreciated and didnt exist, and we grew apart and when I said we should split up as my love had gone ( he just seemed to wind me up all the time) although hard, I then got my life back a new career and wow life was good.. but...... this may not be your issue.. queation is are you happy with your life and what to do or what can you do if your not... it may be peri making things feel ten times worse.... that was just my story from years ago that I thought I would share...

      sometimes we stay in a situation that becomes a situationship not a relationship, I had two young children at the time too..  do a list of positives and negatives in your everyday life and a pattern may emerge .. please I am not interfering it was was you put that reminded me of a few things i went through years ago... take care hun xx 

    • colleen55279
      colleen55279 jayneejay

      Posted

      Hi jayneejay, I hear you and AVR1962 wow it must be that we as woman do and take so much before we realise that sometimes it isnt about us, and the life we thought was ok when you analize the pros and cons it doesnt suit us anymore. We are not being selfish, if we were selfish in the first place maybe we wouldnt be in that relationship. Situations are all different, different horses for different courses so to speak, but at the end of the day, if we arnt happy no one is happy. AVR1962 after 3 years of therapy one would expect some sort of direction as to where or what is the best for you, maybe look around and find someone who can hear what you are saying and assist you to get your life back on track, again take care xx cheers
    • AVR1962
      AVR1962 jayneejay

      Posted

      You are so on target here. I mentioned previously that I had been to 3 years of counseling. Learned alot about me and my parents, how I was treated, why I tend to take too much, learned about my husband and stekids and the roles they all have played in my life. The one thing I told one of my counselors is I think my marriage is killing me. 

      Husband was aloof when we met, we could talk about his ex or mine and about the kids, he had 2 and I had 2, we were both divorced. But if we talked about his fmaily he closed up. I noticed I was the one with the ideas, I was the one going to him, I was the one smitten and I didn't think he was but when I woudl ask (lack of reciprocation) he woudl assure me that he had just nevr pursued any relationship. I should have known right there.

      he was Air Force and 10 days after we married he had orders to Italy. We all went. He was busy with work, gone more, working longer hours. He seemed to enjoy the time with the guys more than he seemed to like being with me and the kids. He told me to handle the istuations with the kids, basically he didn't want a part of it. He was drinking more which I was trying to establish limits for and he did not like it. This was drunk to the point that he could not walk down stairs, drunk and passed out in the bedroom snoring on Thanksgiving day with guests in the house. He didn't like the limits I was trying to enforce and basically started having an emotional affair. The girl was not aware of his feelings but he was very infatuated with her.

      After that porn and hiding it, strip shows on the interenet, more drinking, more infatuations, not helping with the kids. If we did talk abotu a sitautionw ith the kids and I woudl ask him if he woudl take care of his sons it might or might not happen. The boys were acting out with stealing, lying, porn, even a set fire in our house.

      No support for me. I was like a single parent. He did not act like he cared, he was in his world mostly spending time on the internet or playing solitaire or watching Star Trek.

      I have focused on my family, my home, my career, my interests and my freinds but getting my husband involved in anything has been like pulling teeth.

      There were a couple incidents a few years back and I finally drew the line with husband. I was done living this way. It had been that went to him for intimacy and I stopped. It was the only tiny bit of a shred of toucing and holding I got from the marriage. We have had alot of counseling for various things thru the years. He has been diagnosed as emotionally unavailable and passive-aggressive. Counselors have flat out told him what he did wrong and why I have felt the way I do. he seems remoresful and does try when we are in counseling but it never lasts.

      I stayed for many reasons. I did not want to put my daughters and his sons thru yet anotehr divorce. We had a child ourselves and I knew how difficult divorce is on everyone and did not want this for her. If I did not ahve my interests and my career I think I would be a basket case by now.

      The bio daughter we share is now a senior in high school and I told myself I woudl stay til she graduates. Well, that day is approaching. Still not sure what is going to happen. I did tell husband just this week that I am tried of him plugging himself into the computer and tuning us out. I told him he needed to find a way to get out od himself and get more involved with our lives or I walk.

      Husband did retire from the AF but he still works for them as a retiree and we live overseas still.

       

    • jayneejay
      jayneejay AVR1962

      Posted

      AVR 

      well I think you have just answered your own question and why you not happy hun..... I wouldnt put up with that... and... you have to think, happy kids are happy when your happy... I use to talk to mine and tell them i was not happy and why... my Ex hubs was RAF, and then i married another RAF chap that lasted one year the second marriage, he changed the day i married him, i had to wait the full year before i could divorce him... and after the first unhappy marriage I did it quick as was not going down that road again..

      and now.... I have been with another RAF chap for 8 years and not got married..

      I do think and I have always said... ( only my oponion) that RAF men are one on their own... they do not in my experience function well on their own, if they have no orders, then no action from them... that was and is my experience of RAF men... but maybe I go for that type of personality ...who knows... when they are out the RAF in Civvy street, its even worse, they are only programmed in RAF and civvy street is hard it seems... 

      chick, you need to be happy... think what really will make you happy.. and go for it.... dont waste your best years on some one who has no respect ... you dont get those years back... maybe I am wrong to comment, but I feel I must based on my experiences and share ...  Jay.... xxx 

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