Gone worse!!!

Posted , 6 users are following.

I put a discussion on last week about finding out my partner cheating on me with my best friend but I'm still snapping at him! Things have took a horrible turn we went out last night and when we got home I started arguing with him again! He was really horrible to me and refused to try and sort it out! I've now come to stay at my mums as I feel I need time to sort my head out! I'm going for counselling because of my insecurities! But why am I the one who's feeling guilty and trying to fight for us when he obviously can't b bothered

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19 Replies

  • Posted

    Because you are trying to justify his actions by assuming that you must have done something wrong.
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  • Posted

    Dump both of them. Sounds like neither deserve you.
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  • Posted

    Don't think like that. Be happy with who you are. At the end of day there is no point being with that person if they make you feel so low.
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  • Posted

    To be honest sounds like the guy is a idiot and your better off looking elsewhere but it is easier said than done.
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  • Posted

    HE slept with YOUR best friend!!!

    There is NO justification for this in my opinion! Someone who can hurt u like that and show no remorse is just nastY and totally disrespectful!!

    Please dont feel guilty over this.. this is wat hes trying to do, make it like its ur fault so that u will forgive him for his sordid mistake!! If he makes u feel guilty then he doesn't have to. .

    Please let him go for ur own sanity as ur sayin ur arguing with him, this will only continue until he gets sick of it and eventually leaves u, if hes showing no empathy just now then be weary of any empathy he shows u in future (this will just be more fake promises).. if he leaves u then u will be the one pinning after him! And thats worsse!

    Hes guilty, not you!

    Let him pine after you! Dont contact him again, let him do the chasing, if he loves u and genuinely feels terrible then he will show u this.. It's part of his game.. hes keeping u at a distance so u will eventually give in and forget it!

    Could u ever really forgive and forget this? Is ur relationship not ruined from here on anyway?

    You deserve someone who would never betray you, somone who wont make u upset like this.. I learned the hard way love.. get out now xxx

    P.s look up narcissistic behaviour n see if any of it applies to yoo! My ex was a piece of work and reading this stuff is opening my eyes big time xx

    Hope ur okay! Xx

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  • Posted

    P.s u have the upper hand just now.. dont let him take it back!!!
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  • Posted

    Steph, I don't know how old you are but I'm guessing quite a number of years younger than me (i'm 40). This will sound harsh, and I don't have any right to say this to you...but my advice would be to cut your losses and run, before it's too late. Don't let this guy ruin the rest of your life. You still have a chance to break free and make a good life for yourself.

    I was with me ex for 20 years, and he wore me down till I was a broken woman. I found out he was carrying on with other women on nights out, right at the start of our relationship, and we argued (and I cried) alot but I got all the 'smooth' talk. And I fell for it. But then it started to mess with my mind as he had a way of twisting things to make me feel like it was my fault. I went through all the exact same questions about myself that you are asking yourself now. And it only got worse as the years went by. It got to the point where he didn't even try to hide things from me anymore and it got all sick and twisted. I was a complete insane wreck by this point, had lost all sense of myself and my self-esteem was rock bottom.

    The thing is, I was convinced I loved him. And maybe I really did right at the start. But as the years went by he had me so confused between his lies and his professions of love towards me. I was blind to how he really was. Completely blind. I kept hoping he would change and that we would be 'ok'. But it never happend. I'm so sorry to say that the old cliche that a 'leopard doesn't change it's spots' is very much true I believe.

    I know people can have an indescretion and be entirely remorseful. And some couples can work through this. But I hate to say this to you, as I know how much pain you must be in right now, but to cheat on you with your best friend and then to make YOU feel bad about it. NO NO NO!! Steph, listen to your family. Let them support you through this. Cry, be upset, but move on with your life. You are better than this...better than him. You deserve to be happy.

    As for me, I TRULY felt that no-one else would ever have feelings for me. He had beaten me down so much. I was wrong. I did meet someone. It's going very slowly for a variety of reasons, and that is perfectly fine by me, however we are excellent friends, and he is the most perfect person for me that I could ever have hoped to meet. And that would never have happened if I had still been with my lying, cheating, manipulating ex.

    I know you love him. And perhaps he really does love you, but if he has no respect for you (his fault...not yours!) then that love just isn't going to be enough. I'm sorry if I have made you feel worse, but I would absolutely hate for you to go through everything I did.

    I send you the very best of wishes. xxx 

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    • Posted

      I've just read this and cried 😢! I'm not far behind u I'm 37 just destroyed as I have been soooo insecure the past few weeks & ive said I'll go to counselling to help us he said ok! But it's me who's fighting 4 us not him! I moved out today he's not even bothered to get in touch xx
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    • Posted

      Oh I'm so sorry Steph, I really didn't want to make you cry.

      I wish I could say something to make you feel better. I know how incredibly hard it is when you love someone and they just leave you feeling like you have no solid ground beneath your feet. He didn't have to do or say (or not do/say) much to make me feel like there was a gigantic black hole underneath me.

      I do think it is good that you are away from him just now. I think you need time to gain some perspective on all of this. I never did that. I was always caught on the 'inside' if you see what I mean. It was him that eventually left me you see. Which resulted in me having a complete breakdown. But I'm so glad now that he left, as I now have gained that perspective, and I get shivers down my spine just thinking about what it would be like if he was still here. 

      And I'm sure your partner isn't a 'bad' person. Mine wasn't. Not really. So I know you will have good reasons to love him. But if he is causing you this much pain, (and leaving all the effort to fix things up to you) then something just isn't right.

      I'm sorry if I'm sounding all doom and gloom. It's just that I know exactly what you are going through right now, and how soul destroying it is. But I also know it doesn't have to stay that way for you. If you can I would stay at your mums for as long as possible. Don't try to go back to him while things are still so confused. You need time to think and to sort your feelings out. And if you do decide to go back to him, I hope to god he realises how lucky he has been and puts in the effort to mend things, like you are doing. 

      Above all...don't for one minute feel like this is your fault or that you have failed in any way. That is simply not true. He failed. Not you.



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