Got a blood test slightly out of range, now fighting panic attacks that I'm dying
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So, the older I have gotten, the more afraid fo illnesses and dying I have become. I think it got much worse after I got married last summer as now I would hate to leave someone alone aftre just promosing my life to them, if that makes any sense.
Anyways, I went in for a normal physical exam last month and decided to check my blood results online a few days afterward. BIG mistake to do when you suffer from anxiety! I saw that one of the things that it looked at was T.Bilirubin (total bilirubin), and that mine was slightly above the normal range (mine was 1.8 and the lab test said .2-1.3 was normal but I also saw that 1.8 was in the range based on some medical sites?). Me having the anvious brain that I have I start googling this and of course find everything pointing to liver problems and hepatitis etc, which scares the ever living hell out of me. I am 29 and consider myself a social drinker with occasional "big nights", but I am also in no way an alcoholic and do not guzzle fifths of vodka daily like people on "Intervention".
So in my panic I call my doctor (I don't wait for her to call me of course) and her nurse said that eveyrthing looked good but that this was the only thing out of range (there were two other liver tests on there and they were in range), and that she would like me to come back in 4-6 weeks to retest my blood to see if "any other tests need to be run". The nurse didn't seem worried about it, and clearly if the doctor was, then she might want me in sooner, I hope...? I try to find solace in this conversation weeks later but it doesn't always work.
So for the last 3-4 weeks I have been living with crippling anxiety that I am going to get handed this card that I am dying. The anxiety makes me remember the symptoms I googled for things like "liver cirrhosis", and now I think my brain is making those symptoims a reality in my body. The simple idea makes me literally dizzy and rigid with fear. I talked to my mom about it and she said that her total bilirubin has risen before too and that it went back down again, so I really don't know how scary this actually is.
My follow-up appointment is a week from yesterday, and while I pray that it goes well, and I try to focus on the positive and the fact that I'm probably making this all up. The back of my brain however is still always screaming at me that I am dying and my life is over. I have kept this from my spouse so that he does not worry until he "has" to, aka an actual issue is diagnosed, plus he laughs at the fact that I always think I am dying of something. Normally i am not this extreme with ym fear, but lab results make things a little more tangible and scarier.
I don't know what I am looking for in this post from people...I think a few "shut up you're being ridiculous" repsonses would help, but only if they are genuine. I know ultimately I will have to hate my lfe until I get the thumbs up from my doctor that I am indeed fine, but I am not guaranteed that. Ugh I don't knwo what do to until then besides kill myself with the anxiety. 
0 likes, 2 replies
jan34534 ashley30103
Posted
Your Bilirubin wasn't high enough to be of concern.
I can tell you what is more concerning than that .....
like me, your anxiety and worry are going to have far worse effects on you then your blood results. Please don't do this to yourself. I wasted 30 years of my life worrying about every symptom and every blood test etc. nothing bad ever happened. Are you aware that negative thinking actually produces negative changes in the brain? Positive thinking actually produces positive changes in the brain. Your brain will do what you tell it to. So if were constantly worrying the brain will send out chemicals in the body which are good when we need them but harmful if they're in excess. That is the fight or flight response . Chronic anxiety is constant fight or flight response.
listen to your doctor and if she says everything's OK then you must believe it. They're not going to take a chance and tell you that if it's not true because then they'd be in trouble. Start working on managing your anxiety such as visiting a counselor which has really helped me. They see this every day. Be a fighter for yourself
ashley30103 jan34534
Posted
Thank you. It is comforting to hear that it is not a crazy high number to be overly worried about. I will wait to get the final word from the doc next week and hopefully I can report back that all is well and that I can finally breathe again!
I think my brain is conditioned to sense when I can really be happy and worry free so that in repsonse, it finds ways to make me worried about absolutely nothing. I think I have the most anxiety over my health, but it has been some sort of anxiety since I was 16.
I will absolutely try to help with this anxiety and thought about talking to a counselor. We are making a big move to a new city and a new home, so I will see how things chnage after that. Hopefully they will!
Thank you for your repsonse, for what it's worth, it does help ease my anxiety a little bit.