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Got a few questions regarding Diazepam

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jonathan1985
jonathan1985

Hey Everyone 

I have just signed up to the site to ask for any information/advice if any one can help.

Lets start from the beginning,..

I was first prescribed sertraline approx 5 years ago due to feeling very anxious and having a few panic attacks after a minor car accident. Every time i got into a car from then on i had to get out so i started to avoid any sort of transport and would only go to places i could walk to. Fast forward a few months and im walking to the doctors for a general appointment and half way there i have my worst panic attack yet! It completely blew me out of the water, I was stuck in a world of panic for what seemed like a life time. I managed to get to the doctors after the feelings had lightened. On returning home I felt so scared that I became agoraphobic for a good 2 years and did not leave the house at all. I was given a higher dose of sertraline which seemed to keep me on a level keel until they started to stop having the effect. I then moved on to citalopram 40mg and have been using them ever since. About 3 years ago i had 25 sessions of CBT at my home (as i was agoraphobic) and he managed to help me to the stage where i could walk my dog around my estate for about 5/10mins. I then started to talk to an old girlfriend and after explaining all my problems she decided to help me and we started up our relationship. I needed someone to help me to get out, someone to give me the push, and to want to do it not only for myself but for her too. Roughly christmas time 2013 she managed to get me to go to the local pub at the top of my street for a few drinks and ended up having a really good time. It felt so good to see all my friends and to feel free! Im not going to lie, the alcohol helped me to open myself up more and to feel more comfortable but to just be out felt amazing! For the next 6 months i start to get more and more confident but do start to rely on alcohol to take off the edge. I wasnt addicted to it but definately used it as an aid. I decide to move out of my family home and move in with my girlfriend which is approx 30mins away. I spend around another 6 months at our new home but not really leaving it that much unless i had had a few drinks to get me out. I decide to talk to my doctor for some advice and explain to him that i am using alcohol to block out my thoughts/feelings and feel that it is not facing the problem only masking it. He gives me 15x2mg Diazepam. I take one (after being terrified to due to the stories you read about addiction etc) and it does a similar job to what the alcohol did. Makes me feel relaxed and confident that i can deal with my anxiety etc. I have recently got myself a bar job in town working part time but use Diazapam to enable me to get there/feel comfortable around people and to get home. I work approx 3/4 days a week and take one 10mg tablet an hour before i start. I realise i have written my life story to get to the question i have but if i take them like this will it be ok? I dont want to take them forever i just feel a bit overwhelmed with getting a new job (1st job in over 5 years) and feel they help me so much. My doctor says he wont give me anymore incase i abuse them so i am going to have to buy some myself. I feel i have come so far in the last 2 years but do feel apprehensive about taking too much diazepam and having withdrawels etc when i decide im well enough to stop taking it. Any info/advice would be greatly appreciated, Sorry for the long essay but i feel you can get a better idea of my situation now. Thanks

1 like, 16 replies

16 Replies

  • pat03161
    pat03161 jonathan1985

    Posted

    Hi Jonathan 1985...Diazepam have a way of sneaking up on you...life is so much better, at first, then you realise that you are dependant on them and you will feel worse when you try to stop using them.  Your GP is right not to prescribe anymore.  But you have said that you will have to source the prescription from elsewhere...best to,return to,the GP NOW and get on the correct Withdrawl programme because stopping them abruptly will be dire.  Go to benzo.org and read about Diazepam and how they affect you and why you need them. Talk to you GP soon and be guided by him/her
  • nicola10405
    nicola10405 jonathan1985

    Posted

    Hi Jonathan,

    I agree wit Pat, I've had similar experience as yours athough I never drank Alcholo, just never liked it.  I am on Sertaline and years ago was prescribed Valium and Xanax, no one told me they were so addictive, I wish i'd never taken that 1st pill, I trusted my doctor.  At least your doctor understands the evil's of this drug. 

    You said your doctor gave you 15x2mg tablets, later you said you had to take one 10mg tablet before work.  So are you getting them elsewhere?  Online perhaps?, I'm not judging you AT ALL as I was in the same predicament.  Valium do help so much in the begining but you do build a tolerance and need more and more.  So yes if you had only taken the 15 x 2mg tablets it really should not be that hard to stop, as they are really meant for short term use max 3 weeks, so at this point it's mainly a mental addiction and thats hard in itself.  Although if you if you keep on taking them they do creep up on you and then your physically dependant due to the effect this drug has on the central nervous system.

    If you get too this stage and have to stop becasue you cant get more etc, it was in my case and many others i've discussed with is absolute hell withdrawals and they dont just take a week or two it can take months even years till your actually yourself again.  The withdrawal symptoms range from major sweating, inner tremors like your whole body is shaking from within and shaking on the outside too, no sleep at all, depression & your anxiety will 10 fold, feelings of paranoia and as you have already stated you had before, agraphobia. sezuires the list goes  on.  I cant really explain how bad it is, its beyond beflief  Major Alocohol and Herion withdrawals are easier and shoter than Benzodiazepam withdrawals, now that's saying something.

    If you get to the level that you are addicted and need them just to exsist, dont just stop taking them, like pat said go to your GP and try and get a plan to taper down mgs slowly so your brain and body can adjust, even that is bad but I once stopped cold turkey and ended up in hospital with seziure's that went for so long they had to knock me out for a week and when I came too I still felt  sooooo Bad.  They can also really effect your memory, I had periods that I still just do not remember.  It's been so hard that I am back on them.  Like you I was prescibed them for Major Panic and Anxiety but my doc kept giving me scrips every month and I had not looked into it.  I dont take them to get high or have fun just too feel normal, just to be able to smile again.  I trusted the doc.  Wish I had looked into it them, I''ve had so much experience now with them could write a book.

    Like Pat said go Benzo org or any webites regarding these med's to learn about them.  I wish you well and you seem to have a good Doc, he does not want you too become addicted so be guided by him and be honest with him.

    TAKE CARE.

  • jonathan1985
    jonathan1985

    Posted

    Thankyou both for your replys!

    I was started on 2mg but they barely did anything at all so i asked for an increase up to 5mg. After a short while i realised that only 10mg would make me feel a lot more at ease so i asked for 10mg. I dont take them every day, only when i have to work in a busy environment or say go to town shopping etc. I honestly dont feel well enough in myself yet to do these things without the aid of diazepam. I am scared that if i dont take it then i will revert back to staying indoors and be a prisioner in my own home. When i take them i take 1x10mg approx 1 hour before i am due to leave the house and only ever take one a day. I am positive i am not addicted to them (YET) however I have to admit i do rely on them to enable me to feel a lot more at ease in stressful situations. Roughly i probably take approx 3-4 10mg a week depending on how often i go to work etc. I really dont want to get addicted to them but the alternative scares me more. Catch 22?

    • nicola10405
      nicola10405 jonathan1985

      Posted

      Hi Jonathan,

      Yes it is a catch 22, understand exactly where your at.  Funny drug it really help anxiety but also creates alot.

      Only my opinion, your not taking that much, just watch it, thats all.

      And if your doc wants to stop your prescritions, remind him of his duty of care, he gave them to you therefore he cant just take  you off.  Agrahobia is not a fun thing, I always have it unless on my benzos and understand why you dont want to go back.  I believe once they have you hooked on them you should be able to take them for however long.  For medical reasons,not just FUN at all.  Thinking of you, im going thru a bit of hell at the moment too.  Dont be to hard on yourself.  One thing i've learnt is worrying does not help or change anything.  I have been cut down and really dont no my next step.

      Keep in touch. Good luck, Nicky

    • jonathan1985
      jonathan1985 nicola10405

      Posted

      Thanks nicky, it can be really tough at times, seems like a constant battle!! wish i could just get rid of it and live a anxiety free life,.... Suppose we just have to keep positive and keep fighting. Hope you are ok and can figure out your problems too. smile
    • nicola10405
      nicola10405 jonathan1985

      Posted

      Johathan, I hope you are travelling well as can be expected. 

      Doc's say if your only taking Val's or any other benzo every other day its ok, you wont become addicted but in reality becasue of their incredibly long half life and your quite new to them they are in your body working for you for a cpl days.  As you build a tolereance to them, which you will, your mind and body will talk you into taking more and you will feel it when you don't.

      I dont' no if you have ever tried Natural medicines? before the valium gets too much of a hold on you and changes your brain and body pls try a few diff alternatives.  Swiss is an excellent company and out of all the suppliments out there are def the best, they can be a little pricey but if they work its well worth it.  I've been trying them all but unfortunatly becasue my brain is so use to the medications they dont work as well.  There is a Sleep formula, called SLEEP.  It has St John's wort in it which is quite potent, passionflower which is renowned around the world for its anti anxiety qualities, amoung other herbs, although they say dont use St John's wort if your on Benzo's and any sedatives, it can either increase the effects but usually  decrease the effects of medical drugs.

      Also Valerian & hops which is in most of the natural anti anxiety drugs.  Another by swiss is called MOOD does'nt have St Johns wort.  There are many you can look at or look into on the net before you buy.  Just a suggestion, every body's different. 

      Just dont want to see you where I am at, having to take medication to get thru the day & the constant battle of getting them once your taking more than prescribed, this creates a horrid rollercoaster ride of getting sick and trying to find more.

      One doc said to me and I quote " Nicola you were put on these drugs when they were thought to be a cure all for many ailments, mothers, grandmothers were put on these drugs 20 years ago, you and all others like you, when prescribed them, were the medical industries Test subjects, now you are paying the price for what they have now found out.  ADDICTION"

      I dont know where you live?  On the Central Coast NSW Aust. Wyong hospital offers a free detox center you book into, they tapper you down on doses with Valium, if your not too bad now but feel you could get worse do it asap, they also have Psyciatrists that can asses you.  I'm not a big fan of anti depressants but they are not addictive and usually no side effects.  May be you need to get on something like that before completly coming off the other, It can help.  It is so hard because at first the evil little yellow pills work so well.  I'm considering Acupuncture and all sorts of things at the moment,  Exersice they say eaffects the brain in the same way these meds do, give you a feeling of happieness.  As I already said, would hate to see you go down the dark track so many of us are on.  Like Pat said 2mg is too much.  I've babbled on again, I'm a gemini so there are a few people in me wanting to give you advice, lol.  You can always tell me too just shut up!, Your prob thinking "oh god all this hippie stuff & when wil she shut up"

      I think It does me some good reading and replying to these posts.  So you and Pat and all the people here, I want to say thank you for letting me type long reply's.  You all helping me.  GOOD luck and even if things get really bad and your taking more, dont feel like you cant write to me, one thing I have learn't is to never judge someone.  I am here for you no matter what.  I cant' talk as im in far deeper than you my dear.  I suppose that's why I'm so concerned for you. Wishing  you a good day!

      Thanks for listening. & hope some of this info helps.  Nicky.  biggrin

    • nicola10405
      nicola10405 jonathan1985

      Posted

      Hi Jonathan, just wanted to say hi and see how your travelling?  Hope you are doing as well as you can at this stage in your life.  Nicky question
  • pat03161
    pat03161 jonathan1985

    Posted

    Hi Jonathan,  In 1983 I was first prescribed Diazepam for stress.  It it's now 2014 and I use 1 mg every night.  I haven't needed them for years BUT my biological make up does.  I have gone through the Withdrawal programme twice and used zero Diazepam for 2 years, however, neurologically my body would NOT function properly without any. (Lots of pain, headaches and insomnia and some bad spells of anxiousness ) and still I did not resort to them but, like a fool I gave up feeling so bad and began using them again and hey presto life was great again.  They are that kind of drug..a wolf in sheeps clothing. So, whilst you are a relatively new user please heed the advice of a person whose body is dependent on them, although her mind is not.  2mg a day is 2 mgs too much and before you know it the 10mgs you take to get you out of the house and functioning will need to be more and more...and then when you stop you may experience rebound symptoms...a whole lot worse.  Check out the site Nicola and I suggested, benzo org and learn everything about this horrid medication...as I said yesterday, it is great when first used but it will turn around nd bite you...and it will be a bite which may never heal or take years and years to heal. It is NOT a safe drug when not respected by us, the patient.  GPs have become aware of the symptoms it causes and really do only prescribe it in great time of need for a very short kick stat into self help.  Get on the withdrawlal programme now Jonathan and don't allow your mind to dictate any justification on continued use.  Believe me..you think you are NOT dependent or addicted but the drug is addictive and like any drug that makes us feel better or good our minds will try every trick in the book to justify staying on using.  Don't!    I hate them with a passion but am not prepared to have more years of misery because of the damage they have caused my body...and the damage is permanent!  Good luck,  my friend.  
    • nicola10405
      nicola10405 pat03161

      Posted

      You are so spot on with all you have said here Pat.  Horrible Horrible little evil tablets, and like you I just cant face the misery either because of  the changes they have made to our body and brain. 

      I had some horrible news on Wednesday, a good friend who was also on these things just could not face it all anymore.  Sound Cliche but he was the brightest most loving friend and always made you feel special.  These evil drugs finally won in his case, he commited suicide, his story was just like most of ours on this forum, only 30 years old.  Last time we spoke he said he could see no light at the end of the tunnel and had gone thru detox many times we had talked about it for a long time, he was just Existing and wanted to escape the pain.  I live in NSW Aust he lived in QLD, he sounded so down that I even bought a ticket and flew to see him ASAP but not really thinking he would do that at all.  When I arived at his parents home where he lived, I was meet with absolute devistation, shock and dis belief.  His poor mother had found him.   So it is really seriouse business.  I did not get there in time and I carry guilt at the moment for that but I was at least there for his family and to help with all that needed to be done. Hope he is at peace now.  Went to funeral.  Still in shock and I'm back in NSW.   WOW what a week.  So yes Jonathon it's not a issue to be taken lightly.  Take care and pls becareful.  Thoughts are with all that have this battle.

    • pat03161
      pat03161 nicola10405

      Posted

      Hi Nicola,  I am truly sorry to hear about the death of your friend.  Please don't carry any guilt..you went to him but he had already chosen to leave. So very sad.  Some folk really can't see any way forward and end up.taking drastic action to stop the demons of mental,health problems.  In this day and age it should not happen that folk are unsupported by good mental health care but, if Australia MH care is as poor as it is in the UK I would guess that the help wasn't available. Diazepam is certainly a drug which needs better after care for users.  I often think that the medical professionals have. O earthly idea of the horrors of withdrawal from it - except in research terms. Too,bad they don't seem to hear the voices of users of the drug which they actually prescribed in the first place...often without any continued monitoring of it...and certainly no care about proper Withdrawl and after care.  I really hope you are OK Nicola and will come to terms with your friends death, which was NOT your fault...just his choice.  Thinking of you.

      Pat xx

    • nicola10405
      nicola10405 pat03161

      Posted

      Pat, thank you so much for your kind words, I do realise I really could not have done anything about it, think I'm just in shock still.

      So true RE: Medical professionals have NO IDEA of these horrors of withdrawal and yes they only go by their research studies.  I dont think they put much effort into any studies or It would not be this way.

      I no when I talk to my doctor about the horrific way I have felt he kind of nods his head and say's "no what you are experiencing is not from withdrawal, you have too be strong in the mind"  I am, as we probably all are strong minded and try our very best to feel better and positive.  Just makes me so mad that they dont take it seriously. The mental and physical side.  Then, like my friend, when it all becomes far too much after many attemps at getting BETTER, he is considered as ,just another drug addict, no thought , respect or responsibilty taken. 

      I didnt mean to go on and on. 

      Mainly wanted to thank you for thinking of me, a very kind soul you are Pat.  Take care, you have made my day a little brighter.  Nicola xx

    • pat03161
      pat03161 nicola10405

      Posted

      Hi Nicola,  It's an uncomfortable boat that so many of us travel in isn't it!  You are very right when you say how doctors generally dismiss us when we try to explain how we are feeling...and how they have no real notion of how hard we actually try.  I guess that is the way the world has become in many respects - seemingly uncaring on many fronts.  Never mind, keep trucking, my friend and never give up...we are more than a "pill"- so much more and we will live our lives to the best of our abilities and have great days among the bad ones.  Thinking of you Nicola and keep a rainbow in your thoughts to reflect all the beauty of who you are.

      Love Pat x

    • nicola10405
      nicola10405 pat03161

      Posted

      Once again Thank YOU Pat, Helping me stay positive.

      Every time I read something you have written here it resinates with my own thoughts exactly, I suppose we are going thru similar situations in our lives.

      Although we have never met, I feel I know you.

      Thinking of you also, yes, we will never lose the beauty of who WE are. xxx

  • patty12816
    patty12816 jonathan1985

    Posted

    good morning, i'm writing from palm springs, ca. in the USA. I had a caffeine overdose in may of this year from drinking too much coffee--and they gave me ativan, never telling me how horrible and addictive it was. i tried to get my own physician to put me on a taper schedule, and with our insurance we have to go to a psychiatrist through our insurance. well, the guy i went to said i was old and needed it. then i went to another and had to beg her to put me on valium for a crossover because i was so sick and dropping huge amounts of weight. i have now crossed over from ativan to valium but have 10 mg to taper and will probably start in a month. but will probably start at 1/2 mg and hold for 2 weeks and see how that goes, etc. etc. and as i go down i hear it gets worse--so i have to hold longer or titrate--meaning you use water, vodka or milk to establish a smaller daily dose. i have always been very health conscience and hard to believe drinking too much caffeine and having to go cold turkey has made me so sick, and then the added problem of giving me ativan. please keep me in your prayers and let's keep in constant touch. on top of everything my shrink has this tendency to want me to get off asap and not at my own rate, like "i can get you off in a month" and i said i hadn't even crossed over, held the dosage, etc. so that perhaps is her training but i don't feel she is in my corner. i told her after dropping 25 lbs in 3 weeks and crawling around on the floor i had no intention of doing anything but tapering slowly--and my own physician agrees--aren't shrinks who are involved in withdrawal interested in a person withdrawing as long as it takes in a healthy way?
    • pat03161
      pat03161 patty12816

      Posted

      Hi Patty,  First- I am so sorry you are having such a hard time and will keep you in my prayers.  Second- Please read the benzo org site, which thoroughly covers the drug, Diazepam.  perhaps your psychiatrist might benefit from reading it as well?!  I think ignorance in the medical profession and mental health arena is astonishingly bad.  It seems we, the public, are too quickly prescribed heavy duty medications without any concerns about a correct and well managed tapering off programme being mentioned.  Diazepam cannot be stopped cold turkey, or without proper tapering (which can take a long, long time).  I would dearly love those who blithely prescribe Meds to us, to experience the awful side effects they cause...perhaps they would not be so quick to scoff and look blankly at us as we plead for help and good, sound advice.  Please read the site information which I have suggested and take a copy to your psychiatrist and don't ASK for help, DEMAND a proper, managed tapering programme be given to you and that they monitor your progress with care and perhaps a little empathy?

      I sincerely hope you will be OK.  I am thinking of you.

      Pat (UK)

       

    • nicola10405
      nicola10405 patty12816

      Posted

      Wow Patty, never heard of a caffine overdose, I drink quit alot also.

      I've never had ativan as in Australia we dont seem to have it.   I understand it is an addictive med.  Then crossing you over to Valium well it will help how you feel with coming off the Ativan but it is also a very addictive drug.  I kind of understand him wanting you off in a month probably so you dont become addicted to Valium as it should not be used for more than a month.

      All so confusing and yes Phsyicatrists should be educated in these areas.  Every person is different and reacts differently but I do understand that you need to taper slowly, Ive had the exact same problem as Ive been prescribed so many of these drugs over 7 years & like you was never told of the addictiveness of these drugs and only now that they no the dangers they want to just cut me off, I have been in a living hell, Ive told my story on many posts RE Valium in this forum, so wont go thru it again. 

      I agree the body and brain need to adjust slowly to these chemical changes, it can be dangerous to go coldd turkey and very uncomfortable to say the least even tappering quickly.  I've stated here before, remind your GP or Shrink of his duty of care, he is responsible.

      Since joining this forum, I cant believe how many people are having the same problem and the medical industry, DONT understand they only go by text book ways.  Until you have experienced these horrid withdrawals they dont understand, and it's so frustrating.

      So many people may get to that 5mg and from there on it's harder and harder and relapse.  I did go for 7 months the first time but was barely exsisting and wanted to die.  I had seziures etc.  Tried again, same thing.  I was put on all of these meds due to a violent marraige which I left and was deppressed, panic etc.  I'm far worse of now than when I was then.  It's ruined my life.

      I had one friend that got a very good doctor but does not take anymore patents he's so busy.  He did a vey long tapper for my friend over two years and he was a sucsess. 

      Another friend recently commited suicide due too all this, he just could not go on.  These friends, I have met only due to help groups but being close in where we live, we did become very close.

      You are in my thoughts, and hopefully we can all come out of this horrid situation.  Staying positive, healthy etc as much as we can.

      Wishing you the best with your shrink, Take care, keep in touch.  Nicola

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