Got herpes? Don't panic!

I posted on another discussion and felt it helped others, so thought I'd post this by itself. 

In 1997, only a few months after we had our 1st child,  I contracted HSV1 genitally from oral sex from husband with a small cold sore on corner of his mouth. We did not realize oral cold sores were herpes.  Surprise!  I had a whopper of an initial outbreak that lasted few weeks but never had another in nearly two decades.   Although for some time I was certain my life was over as I knew it.  I spent a lot of time researching HSV1/HSV2, reading other's stories. Thought I would add mine.

After almost 20 years, I still remember the panic, the worry, feeling  I was "damaged".  My hubby and I were kids and way too young to even be married (19)..  Our marriage was very rocky. If we divorced, how could I ever find another with "THIS"???   I swear a day didnt pass for months without me having a mirror between my legs searching for the looming sores I was sure would come any day. I was traumatized by initial outbreak.  It was awful.  I had minimun of 20 open sores, swelling, and sharp pain - like when salt/lemon gets in cut. Two decades has not helped me forget. I feel for everyone with this (and other) virus without cure.  No one chooses to get this.  I felt betrayed that my hubby gave it to me but also accepted that neither he nor I knew a small cold sore on the corner of his mouth was herpes.  

I will guess most people felt betrayed after realizing they contracted herpes.  That is why I think many people feel need to inform any potential partner of their infection.  Admirable?  Yes.  Would I?  No way. Especially if he/she knows ANYONE you know, which is more than likely.  The risk of  psychological harm to you (or anyone with HSV) by hateful gossip is worse than small risk of being contagious (provided you be absolute certain you have no symptoms) with what really amounts to basically a benign skin condition. I would never, under any circumstances have any sexual contact with sores/symptoms.  There IS a difference between being relatively safe while protecting your privacy and being aware you are quite contagious but passing it along anyway because the other person didn't ask.  That is probably how many have gotten it.  Even if it is basically a skin condition and won't kill you, it isn't pleasant have sores on genitals/mouth and will likely result in that person also spreading it.

I found this on CDC's website (as to why they do not recommend routine HSV1 or HSV2 testing if person has no symptoms):  "It is not clear that the identification of persons with HSV infection would decrease the spread of HSV in the population. There is no evidence that detection of HSV infection through testing of persons with no symptoms suggestive of herpes leads to a change their sexual behavior." 

The CDC doesn't recommend routine testing because they don't think it would affect a person's behavior.  Hmmm.  Good enough for me.  No way would I announce it.  If I was dating, having casual sex, etc. and person asked me, if real close, then yes I would. If it's not looking like love, I'd decline on sex instead of lying.  No disclosure is different than lying....to me anyway. I  know of probably a dozen people I grew up with that I have heard slashed by genital herpes rumors.  I always shrug off with "Oh, probably just rumors started by jealous or vengful ex and is a lie!"  But that is me.  I assure you many are not like that.  And honestly, if I were in situation where a relationship came into the picture with someone I heard herpes rumors of, it would likely affect my decision.   

I've read a lot about herpes and see huge variations in symptoms, being contagious and how often person has OB's.  Looks like most people have less OB's the longer they have virus. I have read many stories where the person has bad OB's and then it just stops. Herpes simplex virus is an interesting virus (NOT the having it part) in a biological sense, with that it affects one person to another so differently.  I assume it is how our individual antibodies handle the virus. I think the virus goes dormant, hiding out in the nervous system, after it is attacked by a person's  antibodies.  Maybe some people, or with time, virus cannot get a good "hold" to create symtoms because the body is trained how to quickly destroy the virus right away when it attempts to 'come out of hiding."  My thoughts...I don't know if there is a scientific explanation.

I also want to mention  that hubby and I had 4 more kids after initial OB, all vaginally.  I see many women worry about that.  Of course if you did have OB and went into labor you need a ceserean.  I was offered one of the suppession medications at end of pregnancy but I refused every time as I thought "Why would i have outbreak now after X years?" - Each pregnancy being farther out from 1997 initial OB. I would NOT have refused meds though if Id had OB's.

The best advice I got a few months after I had become infected (that allowed me to put the mirror away and stop the worry)  was this:

"Let your body take care of itself.  Don't worry about it!  Forget it and it will forget you!  (Yes, I know its not that simple, but her reasoning was that the more a person dwells on something, the more often it seems to occur.  Self fulfilling prophecy, if you will.)  I don't know if that is all crap, but I know from experience if I get a headache and start in with "Go away!  I hope it doesn't go all day.  This is a bad day for this!" or think   "Please don't let my back spasm the day of my son's birthday as I've got so much to do!", etc., I set myself up for trouble.  I have trained myself (usually - lol) to live and let live.  Get a bad headache?  I accept I got a headache and go on with my day.  Almost always it disappears without me even realizing it, until I recall I even had a bad headache (or whatever) earlier.  At near 40 years old, with 5 kids, one a college student now, getting married very young, breaking up with hubby, dating someone new,  reuniting with hubby - with more stressful moments than I care to remember -  if I learned a thing in my life it is that being POSITIVE, even when standing knee deep in crap, is extremely powerful.  

"If you think you can, you can.  If you think you can't, you can't.  Either way you are right."

Assume comes from the poem, 'THE VICTOR' (think that is title)

If you think you are beaten, you are.

If you think you dare not, you don't.

If you like to win, but think you can't,

It's almost certain you won't.

If you think you'll lose, you're lost.

For out of the world we find

Success begins with a fellow's will --

It's all in the state of mind.

If you think you are outclassed, you are

You've got to think high to rise.

You've got to be sure of yourself before

You can win the prize.

Life's battles don't always go

To the stronger or faster man.

But sooner or later, the man who wins

Is the man who thinks he CAN.

Helped me be positive about everything, even herpes, in my life.

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