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GUILT:

Posted , 8 users are following.

constance.de
constance.de

Being lazy one afternoon I started to read a lot of the comments by different members of this CLUB (because that is what we Are, isn't it?  It's like having pen-pals all over the world.  The only difference is, we usually only have one or two topics.

However, back to the heading.

Somewhere someone wrote about "guilt".  Recently I said I felt guilty.  My husband said "about what?"  "Oh! About not making the bed properly, not washing-up, not going for a walk - that sort of thing."   His answer?  "You know, you are the only woman I know who feels guilty about feeling guilty!!!  

I THINK I know what he meant!

Eileen, you are right.  We should do what we can, not push ourselves to do more.  But, oh dear, we might get used to doing less and less, then the guilt will REARLY start!  Am I doomed?

0 likes, 17 replies

17 Replies

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  • EileenH
    EileenH constance.de

    Posted

    Speak for yourself!!!!!!! ;-)  I have got used to doing less and less - I was forced to, housework when dependent on crutches to get around is a no-no! Now I'm well enough to do more - still don't do it. I DO walk for a good half hour every day as long as it isn't actively raining, we both do and it is always done to fetch a fresh roll for OH's lunch and to go to the butcher - no big weekly shop here. I started the walking while still on crutches - just didn't go anything like as far of course.

    As for only having one or two topics - come on over to the forumup PMR/GCA forum! Hobbies, photos, pets and family, holidays, poems - you name it there is probably not just a thread but even a section - including Club Zero for the people who have got off pred. It functions in exactly the same way as a real support group would but has members all over the English-speaking world. We laugh and cry together - and wail and cuss when appropriate.

  • old_nanna
    old_nanna constance.de

    Posted

    LOL,constance  or do you get "connie " lol usually the people are in PAIN and want help by shareing their problems , lol im certainly not feeling guilty , but im not in pain like i used to be with the poly,  im off the prednisone and hope i dont get a relaps , ,you know i couldnt believe so many people suffered from this ,,, i wont call it a disease , , im 85 and wont give in , but i do get fustrated when i cant stand in the kitchen too long , my back aches , i cant weed the garden , , bend down or get down on my knees , (i cant ,or have a lot of trouble getting up again lol ), but i mow my own lawn , without the catcher , now i have had to rely on neighbours to take my " BIN " out , but i have found i can hitch it on the back of my mobility scooter now so thats another thing i have accomplished lol my grand kids want a video of me in the act lol , sooo do you have a pain problen connie  ????  NO i dont feel guilty , lol 
    • constance.de
      constance.de old_nanna

      Posted

      Strangely enough, I've not been called Connie since my school days.  One day someone said "you have such a lovely name, why cheapen it?"  I've been Constance ever since.  Sometimes my husband calls me "Const".   Sorry if I sound a snob, but  I'm really not one.
    • EileenH
      EileenH constance.de

      Posted

      The only other Constanza I know is also definitely a full name person. I have a daughter Francesa - who always insisted on full name for everyone other than family, to whom she is Esca.

      I had to call the house insurance company a few days ago - I REALLY object to being addressed as "Eileen" by someone as if we have known each other for years - having been asked my full name so I had to given more than just surname. Same in hospital in the UK - undignified enough without that. ALWAYS Frau H here, without exception - but we all use Du to each other! Not quite sure what that says!

    • constance.de
      constance.de EileenH

      Posted

      Second paragraph.  So do we!  I thought you lived in Italy?  Why "Du"?

      I have also been called "Florence" a couple if times!  They knew I had the same name as a city ( or Lake)!  

    • EileenH
      EileenH constance.de

      Posted

      I do - in South Tirol. Which until the end of WW1 was part of the AustroHungarian Empire but was then given to Italy by the Allies as a reward for their assistance. The majority of residents are still native German speakers, where I live about 90% so German is rather more use than Italian for day to day life - which is just as well as my Italian is a bit hands and feet!
  • misdiagnose
    misdiagnose constance.de

    Posted

    Guilt is a symptom of depression which people with autoimmune illnesses often have. 
    • constance.de
      constance.de misdiagnose

      Posted

      No!!  I am not and will not give in to depression.  I know a professor in Oxford University who has manic depression ( I know this is a REAL illness) and his life, and that of his family, are a nightmare.  Depression can creap in - don't open the door!!  

       

    • EileenH
      EileenH misdiagnose

      Posted

      I suspect the "guilt" Constance and I are talking about is more of the "original sin" variety. Women's work...
    • willa5
      willa5 misdiagnose

      Posted

      I could not cope with my pain and restriction of activities without an antidepressant.
  • Bababoyd
    Bababoyd constance.de

    Posted

    I am glad this has come up.  I am 70 and alway very active, many use to say how do you do it all?  Well those days are over right now and I do feel guilty and very frustrated.  So hard to even get to get in food. I have to pace myself and now my hair is coming out and I had a wig fitted, but can put it on and go out.  Hard to talk to anyone, seems no one understands this disease or knows about it. There very few I can talk to, but these discussions have helped me so much and I am grateful for them.  I have not found anything in the US . Everyone have a god day and stay strong.
    • jean_b
      jean_b Bababoyd

      Posted

      Hi bababoyd -i too feel guilty and find it hard o talk to talk to anyone about my PMR -as i have mentioned before -but how do you explain to people who dont understand and  i dont want to come acriss as a moaner so i  clam up but i feel like shouting  I KNOW I LOOK OK BUT IM IN PAIN LIKE ALL OF US WITH PMR AND IM DOING MY BEST TO HIDE IT.one  so called friend told me you just have to get on with PMT.WHAT!!!!!!!talk about LOL i dont think so -but ar least we on here dont have to hide it do we thank goodness for this forum .
    • EileenH
      EileenH jean_b

      Posted

      The northeast of England PMRGCAUK support group has not only a forum but also a site with loads of info. They also made a dvd called "You are not alone" with contributions from doctors, physios and patients about what PMR and GCA and pred do to us to explain to family, friends and even doctors what it is like from our point of view. I assume they still have some though I know sending them to the USA was fraut with payment problems.
    • david14272
      david14272 EileenH

      Posted

      Well worth it Eileen. I have one & for any one who has trouble explaining to family&freinds it is a  must.I passed mine onto them that need to know. it can save on the : you look well enough comments.All the best. Dave
    • denise76179
      denise76179 jean_b

      Posted

      I just have printouts of the information or links to the PMR site that I give to all my friends and anyone who asks me about it so that they may have some understanding also the pred drug side effects and what happens when we reduce too far and so far so good they are all great.  Anyone who doesn't understand beyond that so be it.  Actually the worst one is my husband who keeps asking me to do things or help him with things that are now beyond me so I just say "can't do that" and he may scrowl and gets someone else to help when they visit.  We may soon end up with no visitors as they get jobs for a cuppa but so far they have been more than happy to help.
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