Posted , 2 users are following.
I'm so struggling with this fling anxiety and depression anorexia bpd and sheer loneliness just spent half an hour on exercise bike then hour on Wii tennis !!!! Eaten half a ryvita with a bit of cheese and big glass of vodka ,now I just want more to eat my stomach is screaming yes and head screaming no , I feel so lost in all this and so exhausted. Also trying to cope with son's mh issues what's the point
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kelly71703 bikerjools55
Posted
Hi Biker.
I recognise you from the alcohol forum.
You've got a lot on your plate.
I also had an eating disorder and found that alcohol numbed my hunger, and thats my when drinking got out of control as I was always hungry. But then I had to deal with physical consequences of drinking too much while malnourished.
It took me a long time to realise that I was drinking more calories than I was eating and that I was fighting a losing battle as after all those years of starving and purging I actually am fatter than I have ever been. Alcohol contains a huge amount of calories. And no nutrients, my hair and skin look crap, my teeth rotten from vomiting and swigging neat vodka.
I was miserable, depressed, calorie obsessive anxious and all the other neurotic symptoms of an eating and alcoholism disorder on top of being chronically hung over, sick and tired and my mental health started to deteriorate.
I still drink far too much but I find it not so bad if make sure I eat something. The hangovers and sickness are not so bad and therefore I am more capable of dealing with the day to come .
It's slow going , but please hang on.
I think my primary problem was the eating and when I eat properly I drink less and am affected by the alcohol less ie less physical and psychological symptoms, I get up and get on, etc .
I had to find out what was my primary problem, when I started to tackle that then I found it easier to cut down.
I had to work out what was the chicken and what was the egg.
You sound like you have a number of issues to solve. I found it helpfull to deal with the problems that I developed first as all all others seemed to be a symptom.
I developed my eating disorder before my drinking but eventually I would have a Vodka instead of cornflakes because I stopped eating but needed to fill my stomach and get through the day . I find now that if I have a decent breakfast I'm far less likely to binge or starve or drink.
It's hard, to give up that body ideal and not feel virtuous when you exercise like a demon and eat nothing.
Wishing you the best
Kelly x