Guilt

Posted , 4 users are following.

Has anyone had anxiety over a particular STD because of guilt and not the actual STD itself?

0 likes, 13 replies

13 Replies

  • Posted

    How do you mean? The guilt of passing one on?? Or getting one?  I thought all your results were ok? 
    • Posted

      They were, everything came back negative. And I've seen his results and they are negative as well.

      But the time of encounter it wasn't consensual sex, I was drunk and didn't remember anything.

      I think that's why I became obsessing over it and fearful of it, because it wasn't a decision I made on my own. & what if God punishes me for it, by giving me a disease I can't cure

      I've never been a saint sexually, and just feel my anxiety over it may be because I'm guilt of all my wrong doings.

    • Posted

      God isn’t punishing you.  And even if you did have HIV it is treatable to the point that you can have an undetected viral load = meaning spreading it very low. 

      The encounter wasn’t consensual and it sounds like you feel responsible for it.   It does not matter how drunk you were. A person should not take advantage of you.    Sadly though in this day and age that doesn’t seem to bother some people... I would honestly try and put the experience behind you.  You are clean. And Altho it wasn’t a nice experience you didn’t catch anything.  You did nothing wrong.   Just try and learn from the horrible experience.   Sorry if this comes across wrong.  It’s hard to make sure it’s worded correctly and doesn’t cause offence or anything 

    • Posted

      No there's nothing wrong with what you said. It's all the right things to say.

      But yes, I feel to blame for it. If I would have just went home, if I hadn't have had drinks, if I would have just been an adult. Like I've seen his results and my own, and I'm still stressing over it. Idk why.

    • Posted

      Life is always gonna be filled with what ifs.   You did nothing wrong.  Plenty of people get drunk and don’t get sexually assaulted.  What happened to you was not your fault.     Just because you were drunk it does not give anyone the right to take advantage of you!   No matter what anyone says no woman “asks for it” just because they wear something that’s revealing or have had a drink. A man should have self control and know that it is not an acceptable thing to do!   I would suggest you maybe see a counsellor to talk through this with.  As it’s not good to let these kind of things fester and build up into something more.   But trust your test results, don’t worry about his. And like someone has said before HIV doesn’t make you a bad person,  a nurse can get it from a Needle stick injury. They certainly aren’t doing anything bad.    Just learn from the experience and try  and put it behind you. Xx
  • Posted

    Nail on head. I have had counselling for a particularly nasty obsession over HIV. Which did ruin a lot of my life. My psychologist believes it’s because I blamed myself for being sexually assaulted as a teen and then again as an older teen. Now I’ve addressed these feelings my anxiety has significantly decreased. It’s 100 per cent a thing. 
    • Posted

      How do you address them? I think I have been having severe anxiety over HIV because one night I got super drunk, and I feel like I got something put in my drink because I've drank more then that night & can remember things and I've never blacked out. I don't remember the sex but remember asking him after if he was clean. He said yes, chill "I don't have HIV".. I think that set off a trigger and from that point forward I've been dealing with anxiety over it.

      I also feel guilty about it and even sex before that because of spiritual beliefs. And what if God punishes me for it

    • Posted

      Well, it would be hard for me to comment on god as I’m not religious but I don’t quite think it works like that hun. 

      First of all, you need to stop attaching stigma and shame with the disease, bad people don’t get HIV - anyone can get it!! Not as a result as a bad thing - sex of all kinds is natural and a life changing disease is not a punishment... in my opinion anyway!! 

      Secondly, you need to speak to a counsellor. If you have been sexually assaulted it’s likely you will have to have a fair bit of therapy and constantly work on it - I have had to anyway! Also anti depressants are very helpful. 

      Recovery doesn’t just happen overnight. I am so sorry to hear what has happened to you- it’s an awful thing I know it is.

      Something else I would say is once you have waited for the window period I would get tested and then leave it be. Don’t keep getting tests because this will not solve it!! 

      Hope this helps. Get in touch with a therapist ASAP. Xx

    • Posted

      It's crazy you say that. I took the 4th generation test which the window period is 4-6 weeks I believe and it came back negative. But I was going to take another one this week at 5 weeks.

      When I went for the first test I had a genital and oral outbreak in herpes. Which made me even more nervous. Sunday night I noticed I had an outbreak on my thumb. (Yes, I have the rare herptic winslow)

      Could these be symptoms?

    • Posted

      The 4th generation test is pretty accurate at 4 weeks.  As it detects the antigen. Which is detectable at 1-8 weeks.  It also tests for antibodies. Which some take longer to produce which is why it’s not a conclusive result and they recommend a second test at 12 weeks.. 

      Symptoms of HIV?  Tbh you can’t really rely on symptoms of hiv for a diagnosis. And tbh if you were stressing about the results etc and already have herpes. Your immune system was liking to be low due to the stress causing an outbreak. 

    • Posted

      I know all the answers to these questions, I guess it's just reaffirming to hear it from someone else.

      My herpes outbreak happened when o tested so I'm assuming if it was a symptom I would have came up positive.

      And I read stress is the main cause for outbreaks and menstrual cycles which I just got off.

    • Posted

      I get it.   I would suggest just getting a second test at the 12 week mark to have a conclusive result.  Maybe seek some counselling to deal with what you went thru.   Learn from it and try and put it behind you.  

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