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I’d like to start by saying thank you for reading this, it’s quite long and it’s a convoluted problem that I can’t get my head around. I don’t wish to be seen as complaining, but it’s really causing me stress and depression now.
Although I’m a relatively cautious person, I have a history of drinking, smoking and nasal drug use. I’ve had patches of heavy drinking and smoking, but they were always social. I just did them because others did around me. I would never ever have found myself with a drink/drug problem and needing to do them all alone, so doing so seemed fine enough whilst I was younger.
I had trouble breathing a few years ago, and found I had a deviated septum, which I think I’d had for quite a few years, I saw a doctor because I couldn't breathe (worried I had sleep apnoea). I had an operation, a septorhinplasty, it seemed ok, but the problems didn’t stop. Though I didn’t do many at the time, I’m worried that continuing to do drugs deviated the septum again, as I’ve noticed in pictures after the surgery the inside bridge became quite visible through one nostril and I don’t imagine the surgeon would have left it like that (i’m quite a laissez faire person so I’m not monitoring my appearance at every oportunity). I am very active person so do a lot of strenuous activities like running, boxing and climbing, and i'm genrally just quite ADHD, I also notice I began to touch and pick my nose alot, and although I was doing drugs, I really I wasn’t doing many at all, however I didn’t think of this at the time, because I’ve never had a ‘problem’. People who have problems do it for years and develop habits, I know them, and I see their plight. However, looking back I realise that the nose is so much more sensitive than I realised, and I should have avoided it at all costs forever. Nobody advised me on healing time following the surgery, but it's my own fault. Though the surgeon didn’t seem to notice any change following the first one when I had a second surgery. So, I’m just hoping it’s my own anxiety.
I eventually had another operation of march last year to fix further problems of having to breathe through my mouth, and this one was very painful, for over a week I couldn’t breathe and was awake each and every night in agonising pain.
Now, apart from functional problems which is my real concern, I’m getting some (hopefully irrational) anxiety about the shape of my new nose. I didn’t realise it would be so cosmetic, but the bridge is completely straightened out, which I’m extremely annoyed about and the tip seems to have a bulb at the end, I can see how he has reshaped the exterior of my nose and I don't think it works. I just wanted to breathe better, I didn’t want to look like a new person but because this surgeon was so relaxed, I worry that he didn’t lay it out to me straight or ask what I wanted. I’ve begun to be even more annoyed because although I’ve never thought about it until now, although I’m not so vain, I liked my big curved nose, it was part of my character and my family, now I’ve got a nice new straight nose, and I didn't ask for that, it’s not worrying to my health, but it's been added to the weight of this problem because it's not me.
Since the operation 1 year and 6 months ago, I’ve stupidly sniffed cocaine about 4-5 nights but never in a marathon way, and the first time was 3 full months after the operation. I’d given up going out, and my life has become more introverted which I don’t mind, but the only friends I really have seem to sniff cocaine alot, it’s a real epidemic in young people in cities and universities, and I’ve said NO so many times. But I went to visit friends about 3 months after the operation at a festival. I felt out of place because I’d left my Job in music through burnout and then had had a real experience with this operation and was left jobless. When I’d got a bit drunk on the first night one friend sort of gestured quite strongly for me to have some of his stuff, I think quite innocently, as they don’t know the extent of the difficulties I’ve had with my nose, and me being drunk and agreeable I eventually gave in, after saying no for quite a while, but I think their thinking is that I’m not having having fun because I’m not joining in. I absolutely hate sheep mentality, which is another story. Now these aren’t ‘bad ‘people, they are are actually great, just young people like me who perhaps don’t understand the negative effects of cocaine, because literally everyone is doing it. I hated myself for doing it, and immediately had worry about my nose and thought I could feel it, this is why I think it might be irrational. I spent the next night of the festival in bed and left the festival early on the third day.
The other times I ended up doing it on a couple of nights out when I was drunk with some old school friends who work in the city. I hate myself for it. I never really liked cocaine anyway, I don’t get it at all and think it turns people into painfully boring and embarrassing egotistical blabber boxes, and it's so expensive. But people were giving it to me, and I ended up buying some after getting a taste for it on this particular night, we were having fun I suppose.
Then, last week I got worried. I’d done much less than 1 gram of it whilst on a stag do the other week, and I’d said no for the first night, but literally everyone was doing it on the second, so I bought one. And I’m usually so stern, but sometimes I get drunk, and because I have a history of doing it, it’s not out of this world like it would be to a non drug user, and I just joined in the fun.
Now since then, I’ve been aware of my nose and have been a bit concerned, I've been looking at my nose, and I’m frankly paranoid now, there’s been white scabbing around the nostril for a while, but also it’s around my ears, so I hope its some form of psoriasis. I’ve been very busy and not been eating too well for the past few weeks so I’m hoping my diet is bringing this out. However, I am very aware of my nose being there too, if that makes sense, it feels heavy, and it’s almost as if someone has just put a fake nose on my face.n There is also a slight whistle when I breathe which I understand is septal damage, it feels cold on one side when I breathe in, and there are cyst type things inside the nostil, it’s also often blocked but that is nothing new, it’s always blocked. And I’m concerned the nostril have slightly collapsed and become pricked at the tip, also when I took some pictures of my nose in harsh light it looks flattened and quite weak - fat on the bridge and bulbous at the tip, but because it’s occupied alot of my time and I suffer from ADHD and what i'd describe as feelings of depression anxiety, especially since being unemployed for the past year and trying to piece together a living as a freelancer. I’m thinking I’m just being worried, inattentive to the general changes in my appearance and paranoid, but I can’t get my mind of it, because anyone else would probably tell you it’s fine.
It’s really getting to me and I want a conclusion. As I said, I’m not too vain, and I never wanted this ‘new nose’, which I worry has lost some of my character anyway, I suppose I’ll just get now with that, but I’m extremely annoyed at the surgeon, and would even consider taking him to court for doing what I now know is a septorhinoplasty, not a septoplasty which I wanted. (It was done through insurance so I didn’t pay a penny).
I want to know more, or at least find someone to talk to, because I have nobody, and it’s causing me a alot of worry because it's my nose, on my face. I find doctors in the past haver mostly been unhelpful, but I’d need to sign up anyway if I wanted to see one. I’m usually so healthy and fit, but this past year my nose has been a problem, I’ve been very stressed and my hair has been thinning and falling out at an alarming rate and i've got psoriasis on my ears, and I also want to find some reassurance and find out whether all this is something I should be concerned about or not, or can deal with, or whether it’s all the sign of something else. I will 100% not be snorting drugs ever again that’s for sure, and I’m quite confident I can quite smoking, as long as I don’t drink. However I do exercise a lot, practice yoga and run, and I’m trying to overcome my mental debilitating as best as possible (very impulsive and unfocssed).
My final thought is surely you have to abuse cocaine for it to damage your nose? I really have never abused it. Am I just being paranoid, but what are the white crusts around the nostril? Why the whistling? Why the uncomfortability ? has the nose changed shape since the operation ? What are these cyst type things in the nose? I can’t figure it all out. I would be so grateful to hear from someone who for some reason has the time or knowledge to help, or at least point me in the right direction. I understand health problems arise, and I’m fine getting on with it. But I would like to box this off because it’s getting too much and i'm finding it hard to breathe generally. Which was the original problem years ago. - Also, I only get concerned about it when i'm not keeping myself busy, but hopefully that shouldn't be a reason to avoid it, I just have a feeling something isn't right.
Thankyou for reading
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