Had enough of illness for a lifetimer

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so i have been battling with anxiety and ptsd for years. At times i feel i am doing well, but then i get whammed with a medical issue. Weird ones or i should say rare ones and it has gotten to the point im exhausted and just find myself praying. I have Gerd, TMJ and tinnitus and lovely headaches all the time. All have been tested with brain scans and blood work.I have PVD and floaters and an issue with optic nerve pallor in my right eye. I see a occuplastic surgeon who watched the optic nerve and tests it every six onths, but it is the optic nerve so its only a watchful thing one can do,I have these yellow plaque soft ugly yellow things under eyelids on too and a tad on the sides its xathaplasmas. The specialized doc wants me to cut apart both eyelids. Same doc. That cares for the optic nerve. Um. I have massive anxiety as it is. Cant take motrin because of impending surgery as i wait. I wanted a peel maybe laser not cutting my eyelids apart and ive read all the risks with ectropion and such. Anyway i am a mess and i am so exhausted from these ailments and anxiety i do not know anymore how to cope with all this. I pray and believe in angels and archangels. I try to go about my days but the surgery is coming up and i feel like im going to collapse already. I schedulaed another consultation with the surgeon who sees me as a canvas not a human because i want half at a time. I sick of being told what i should do and then left to heal myself as a result. I eat well, i dont drink alchol. I do smoke half a oack of cigarettes a day that i cant seem to kick that habit. I feel very punished but hinestly i am not a bad oerson and am kind and heloful so how do i live in my body? I love my family very much and i feel awful im a mess physically and emotionally. Any advice. I really need some advice or prayers and advice.

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  • Posted

    Hi Lisa,

    As a PTSD sufferer I empathise greatly; my access to the nhs is severely limited because I am scared of medics.

    I am presently receiving EMDR treatment which is now on the NICE guidelines as a treatment for PTSD and I am optimistic for the first time in years.

    I  am regularly in pain from other medical conditions but I do believe the EMDR is helping me cope.

    All the best.

    I'm just wondering if it might be beneficial for you

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  • Posted

     Hey Lisa,

             I've had massive anxiety throughout my life and so unfortuntely it's really only there that I could probably offer the best advice. Seems like you've got a lot going on with your family to take care of and all your medical ailments. Though I don't know what kind of anxieties you are suffering from, try this for size. Dedicate a droor in your room or house to your fears. Whenever you feel overcome by a fear that you just can't get off your mind or solve, write it down and tuck it away in that droor (or you could buy a little box to do the same). Just clear them out of your mind and if you feel strong enough to take them on and your ready you can go ahead and open the droor or box. Since you've got so much going on, it's better to get things off your mind, and only fight the battles when you can.

          As far as your medical conditions, I have a few suggestions. While these tips won't solve the pain or make it go away, you may find strangely that you can benefit from bad situations if you have the right perceptions. For example your tinnitus. Could you learn to recognize pitches from it? If you listened closely enough, could you turn it into music? The headaches: they give the opportunity to study and understand pain--also teaches equinimity (which a lot of people dont' have). The floaters---every recurrence you could treat like a cool visual pattern to study. GERD, teaches you to sleep sitting up, which for some people is a kind of relgious austerity. Try to see if you can bend your ailments to your favor.



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  • Posted

    Hi Lisa,

    I am 24 years old. One night two years ago, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling like I was trapped in a dream (derealization) that never went away. I suffered panic attacks DAILY and ended up in the ER multiple times. 

    But it's never good enough to just have one medical condition. I went to a concert a couple months later, finally feeling like I could crawl out of the hole I was in. Then, chronic tinnitus decided to show up in my life. Boy were those first few months with that hard, on top of extreme anxiety and panic I now have a high pitched scream in my ear that keeps me up at night.

    I'll breeze through the next few. My Brother died, my girlfriend of 4 years left me, My parents are both drug addicts.

    I started getting constant vertigo, now suffer from slurred speech that makes it hard to preform my job. Constant pain and nausea every morning that i wake up (the kind of pain you get from a terrible flu) . Constant GERD that makes digestion and sleeping troublesome.

    Day after day after day.  

    Everything you've said has really struck a nerve for me. I no longer drink, I quit smoking. I don't go out with my friends anymore. Feel like I'm a good person but like I've been punished for something I've done. 

    You are not alone.  The only constant is change, and it just can't always be bad. We have to keep trying to feel better. Every day is so hard, I know. I just think crawling out of the hole we are in is going to be harder than jumping in.  I'm told over and over how much anxiety can contribute to these things. I'm not here to reccommend anything, as I am in the same situation as you, but maybe it's something deeper that we are ignoring.

    I don't know, if you'd like to talk let me know.

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    • Posted

      Also, how long have you had your tinnitus. There are still days that It bothers me, but mine is LOUD and I am able to block it out. The longer you go, the more you habituate. It's nothing concious, it just goes. 

      You can do this.

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  • Posted

    My sergeon canceled my double eyelid surgery to remove this xanthalesma plaque because i think he feels im too difficult. Bad enough to have anxiety but when you have health issues and panic attacks it turns into a huge mess. Too bad he was a skilled surgeon, cols and arrogant but very skilled and now i hve to go find new doctor because i need the surgery. I thought in this day and age dr.s understand or re more compassionate this man diagnosed me last year with optic nerve pallor and that was scary so how m i not to suppoe to hve any anxiety?  I am so unsatisfied with this doctor and yet so torn because he was so skilled.
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  • Posted

    Saw a second opinion on eyes and now the new dr.mthrew in some angle thing and from my lids sleep apnea. So strange already. Im 47 and thin yet have weird rare issues. There was a time where i had symptoms and they tell me i was stressed. So had anxiety for years prior..which were symptoms but if a doc cant figure itmout ig it becomes anxiety and attacks which one would have because of their  symptoms. Im only a partial believer in anxiety with no root cause as im older now and have numerous issues with my health. Maybe all the stress caused some of them as it beats up the body but i dont know anymore.im at the point i hate all doctors as they diagnose so fast amd refer me to kore doctors. It makes me very anxious and trembling as its all overwhelming. I was supposedly in great health a few years ago and was told i have anxiety? I almost miss that now. The body is trying to you something but its impossible to know what its saying until ailment appear. I really tried to control the stress inside of me and im sad it didnt resolve. What i have found is im becoming a very spiritual person. I have alays felt spiritual and just hooe an angel intervenes and helos me heal or stabilize. 
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