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Happy christmas

Posted , 6 users are following.

vickylou
vickylou

I don't like Christmas at all ever since my kids realised santa wasn't real. I can never get excited like some folks. This year will be the first time ever that me, 3 adult kids and husband won't have christmas lunch together.

Normally in previous years I leave everything to the last minute and get so anxious and worked up that I start drinking. I've bought presents I can't find, stamps the same, always miss last posting date and have to buy first class stamps along with the ones I can't find. One year I even posted my purse. I wrap the parcels then stick the wrong labels on. I gave my neighbour Chanel perfume instead of after eights (was for my daughter!) Luckily neighbour realised shed got the wrong pressie.

I decided that this Christmas would be different, so I got myself organised. I saw my GP about these anxiety episodes and how I start drinking during them. I've been going to the substance abuse clinic, am on waiting list for CBT and am having acupuncture which I swear by. The clinic can't offer me anything useful as they've decided I'm not alcohol dependant. I agreed with my key worker that my goal was to return to social drinking. Last Saturday was my birthday and we agreed I would have 3 glasses of wine. Am happy to report I stuck at 2 glasses and had coffee without brandy!

Everything is now done for Christmas, apart from wrapping. I've even written my cards, and this year I know where everything is! So for the first time in years, I'm not dreading Christmas and am in control. Family have been very supportive and are amazed at the difference in me.

Ive made a really conscious effort to not dwell on past events, and whilst I freely admit I've put my family through hell, with their help I'm putting the past behind me and looking forward to putting my energy into the future. I still feel guilty, but have realised I can't change the past, but I can look forwards and not backwards.

Sorry for going on at length, but if anyone has been in a similar situation, or is struggling, I just want to say with the right help and support you can change and feel much more positive about the future.

1 like, 5 replies

5 Replies

  • PaulJTurner1964
    PaulJTurner1964 vickylou

    Posted

    I understand anybody disliking Christmas with the expectations placed on everybody. It drives me mad when people start asking 'are you all ready for Christmas even before December arrives. I didn't have particularly good Christmases as a child so my best Christmases were when my own kids were young, too.

    I go on Facebook and see all my friends getting more and more excited as if they were still kids themselves and I struggle to get why it's such a big deal to them.

    Again this year, mine will be simple and quiet. Yes, I will enjoy it, but I am not getting all excited for it smile

    Glad you got yorself better organised this year Vicky and I really hope you have an enjoyable Christmas smile

    • vickylou
      vickylou PaulJTurner1964

      Posted

      Many thanks for your kind reply. I too go on facebook and see my friends' facebook comments and can now smile and laugh at some of their comments. I'm not really interested in who's having coffee at Costa during a well deserved break from christmas shopping let alone seeing a pic of their coffee! Each to their own. This year already I've seen some, well I would call them hideous and tacky outside decorations and lights. A santas grotto has appeared overnight across the road, complete with inflatable snowmen and santa, donkeys and reindeers and a crib scene complete with flashing manger and wise men, not forgetting Mary and Joseph and the angel Gabriel on the roof! Anyway thanks again and it's good to know I'm not alone on my views about Christmas!
  • hope4cure
    hope4cure vickylou

    Posted

    Good to get all the Xmas stff done ahead of time.  Good for you!

    it always made me so anxious. Would I get the right present for so & so. Would the family all be comfortable staying  here. Running to the airport sometimes two times the same day, to pick someone up. Then there's always some issue that pops up.

    This year my hubby and I are goin to HAWAII to visit a son who lives there. And to see our new grand baby. 

    No dorations to put up seeing any disappointment for the wrong gift. And the anxiety level has simply  gone.  

    Don't ever be sorry for talking about UR feelings to long, it's important to talk about them and I certainly do understand. It's not as fun when the kids we small.

    I totally get it too, we as wives & with grand children do so many things for Xmas over the holidays can be way to much pressure. This is the first time in years I'm not stressed out every day that I forgot something  or whatever, racing around trying to please everyone. Did I get someones fav foods, allergies.. It just never stops. 

    So now I put up a few decorations justs for us, and we have enjoyed it so much with down sizing even the decorations for Xmas. Just kept it simple.  No stress or worrying.

    I used to to feel guilty for many reasons for my alcoholic son especially this year is different it's his issue and no longer mine. I have forgiven him all the years of pain and disappointment. No reason to continue the guiltthat he nor I had any responsibility for. 

    There is peace only those who let go of the pain to free themselves for something in the past. It's a choice to be free of all the guilt from the past. Believe me I had my share.

    HOPE4CURE

     

    • vickylou
      vickylou hope4cure

      Posted

      Thank you for your words of wisdom. I'm sure this Christmas will have difficult moments for you regarding your son. Hey, a new grandchild to see, that to me is far more exciting than all the presents in the world, and in Hawaii as well. Enjoy your Christmas with the new baby and lack of stress and anxiety.
  • nantucket01
    nantucket01 vickylou

    Posted

    Hi vivkylou, do you think you will be able to be a normal drinker ? i rally want to be this time but i have tried befor and failed , i worry that i will never be able to drink again cos i am 5 days now and really fancy a drink this morning so after saying that i guess i know the answer, good luck and i hope it works out for you.
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