Posted , 6 users are following.
I don't like Christmas at all ever since my kids realised santa wasn't real. I can never get excited like some folks. This year will be the first time ever that me, 3 adult kids and husband won't have christmas lunch together.
Normally in previous years I leave everything to the last minute and get so anxious and worked up that I start drinking. I've bought presents I can't find, stamps the same, always miss last posting date and have to buy first class stamps along with the ones I can't find. One year I even posted my purse. I wrap the parcels then stick the wrong labels on. I gave my neighbour Chanel perfume instead of after eights (was for my daughter!) Luckily neighbour realised shed got the wrong pressie.
I decided that this Christmas would be different, so I got myself organised. I saw my GP about these anxiety episodes and how I start drinking during them. I've been going to the substance abuse clinic, am on waiting list for CBT and am having acupuncture which I swear by. The clinic can't offer me anything useful as they've decided I'm not alcohol dependant. I agreed with my key worker that my goal was to return to social drinking. Last Saturday was my birthday and we agreed I would have 3 glasses of wine. Am happy to report I stuck at 2 glasses and had coffee without brandy!
Everything is now done for Christmas, apart from wrapping. I've even written my cards, and this year I know where everything is! So for the first time in years, I'm not dreading Christmas and am in control. Family have been very supportive and are amazed at the difference in me.
Ive made a really conscious effort to not dwell on past events, and whilst I freely admit I've put my family through hell, with their help I'm putting the past behind me and looking forward to putting my energy into the future. I still feel guilty, but have realised I can't change the past, but I can look forwards and not backwards.
Sorry for going on at length, but if anyone has been in a similar situation, or is struggling, I just want to say with the right help and support you can change and feel much more positive about the future.
1 like, 5 replies