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I'm going through this right now.
But; the thing is - I'm worrying about this 24/7. I fear that I'm going to kill my mother, or kill anyone really.
I worried about this before when I was younger, around thirteen.
But, that managed to pass.
Now, I have it again.
And ever since these past two days, I've been bedridden, I'm too terrified to leave the room because I'll see my mom there (I want to give her a hug and I just need help). I lost my appetite, and I'm basically thinking about this 24/7.
This is honestly driving me suicidal.
I don't want to be evil, I don't want to hurt my mother or anyone!
So - why do I get these thoughts? These visions? Why won't they leave me alone?
I tried talking to my therapist, who said I need to acknowledge that the fear is there, yet say it's only messing with me. Because I know I won't do it.
But, there's always that - what if?
Everyone tells me that they trust me, and that it'll pass, and it's going to be okay.
But, what if they're wrong?
I don't trust anybody, not even my own self!
What if I worry too much, and it drives me insane - and I really do commit that horrendous act? Loose my morality?
I'm terrified. Xanax, Zoloft...they won't work.
Please, someone help me.
I'm praying and I'm just so weak.
Should I go to the hospital?
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