Harm OCD

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I'm going through this right now.

But; the thing is - I'm worrying about this 24/7. I fear that I'm going to kill my mother, or kill anyone really.

I worried about this before when I was younger, around thirteen.

But, that managed to pass.

Now, I have it again.

And ever since these past two days, I've been bedridden, I'm too terrified to leave the room because I'll see my mom there (I want to give her a hug and I just need help). I lost my appetite, and I'm basically thinking about this 24/7.

I

Am

Terrified.

This is honestly driving me suicidal.

I don't want to be evil, I don't want to hurt my mother or anyone!

So - why do I get these thoughts? These visions? Why won't they leave me alone?

I tried talking to my therapist, who said I need to acknowledge that the fear is there, yet say it's only messing with me. Because I know I won't do it.

But, there's always that - what if?

Everyone tells me that they trust me, and that it'll pass, and it's going to be okay.

But, what if they're wrong?

I don't trust anybody, not even my own self!

What if I worry too much, and it drives me insane - and I really do commit that horrendous act? Loose my morality?

I'm terrified. Xanax, Zoloft...they won't work.

Please, someone help me.

I'm praying and I'm just so weak.

Should I go to the hospital?

Please!

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5 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi FuzzyApples

    You are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

    If you are having these suicidal thoughts we strongly recommend you to speak to someone. The Samaritan offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what your are going through.

    They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

    Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet > https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you need.

    Please do reach out - the team at the Samaritans, and the other people in our leaflet, will understand exactly what you're going through and will be able to help.

    We also believe you should go see a doctor for more information on treatment options.

    Kindest Regards

    Patient

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  • Posted

    Hi there, listen the thoughts you are having are very common with anxiety and depression, your not the only one who is currently thinking this way and very frightened because of it. If you look through this forum you will find people posting similar things. 

    I can assure you that you won't go insane, anxiety  doesn't do that I've had similar thoughts in the past and was frightened by the thoughts just like you but it did pass and I did get better.

    You need yo speak to your GP about your meds if they arnt helping.

    Give your mum a big hug and have a good cry if you want, you love her and she loves you, your not going to harm her, you need to start to  accept that and try stop ruminating  over it which again is a symptom of anxiety and depression.

    ?If you start thinking more about suicide and make plans then you need to go to your local hospital but again thoughts of suicide are again very common. 

    You got through it when you were 13 and you will get through it again, your a good person!

    Neil 

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    • Posted

      Hey Neil , how long did it take for your thoughts to pass I have messaged you again as I've been struggling today my friend 😪

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  • Posted

    First things first. These problems build up through a process and are a combination of Nutrient deficiencies and social issues. Another part is the way your Brain is wired. Mainly your coping mechanic and the choices you make when presented with a challenging situation and environment. You sometimes hear people making comments you do not agree with and start feeling alienated from them. It is common to feel estranged from your family' though the bond is strong and hard to break. Remember your mother gave birth to you and nurtured you and protected you when you were tiny. Think like a HERO and protect her now you are grown up and strong. THINK like a HERO when you relate to people who are sometimes wrong with the comments they say and rather than let those comments go through your mind and re live the memory over and over again, investigate what the true scientific response should be. When you react clinically to a problem you stop taking it personally. Learn SOCIOLOGY, sociology will teach you' "there are many ways to react to a challenging social situation and environment, that' there is only one logical response". When you realise what the true most logical response is, you must also learn how to present the information to the person and require TACT to respond to the person or people. Do not get yourself worked up if you can not solve the problem. Remove Your Self away from the offending people or if they are not close to you such as frustrating problems in far away places you can not solve problems in, create an imaginary place in your mind to store the problem and call it a WORK IN PROGRESS problem. These problems are not your personal problems they originate from social disorders. Sometimes people say Brash comments because they are Lazy thinkers and have seen so man problems and can not be bothered to care any more, all they want is to be happy and they have reached their own limit of how much Negativity they can handle. We all have a limit and need to take time off and BALANCE our personalities with some happy times and thoughts. The trouble is you have not programmed your thought processes with a BALANCED COPING MECHANIC. We are always learning so be PATIENT with people. They have problems too and when you understand what they are your responses will change. As you grow and learn you will FINE TUNE your responses. YOU must make an EFFORT to care. If you lash out in anger, you will REGRET it and feel worse than you do now. Trust me' it is not worth it. Your first LAW in your thoughts is PEACE. This is an inherent Law and is what balances your thoughts. Remember it and RESET each time a problem happens and AFTER. When you realise this, all things in LIFE will look much clearer and you will be more likely to realise what the true solution is' in any situation. If you need more COUNSEL keep in touch. Peace and Love. Robert.

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