Harm Ocd, obsessed with a bad person...is this common?

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I haven’t even been diagnosed with ocd but I went to a counselor and told her about how I have had obsessions I believe to be Harm OCD related - I could hardly eat for a week until I looked up my thoughts on google and saw I.t was probably this, so I went to the counselor- and she seemed to agree, but again, no official diagnosis. Anyway, recently, I.t had started to settle down after I talked to her but then I.t has come back strong in a very different way - or I.t seems to have. I keep thinking of ONE specific horrible person who has killed people and comparing myself to him. It’s like he is my obsessive thought? I used to research these people just like anyone watches true crime or whatever, but now I can’t stop comparing myself to him and thinking what if I end up like him, and hurting people. Does anyone with obsessions, particularly harm ocd ever find themselves fixating on a specific person who has done terrible things? I can’t find anything like this online and am terrified that I will end up like this person...thank you.

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10 Replies

  • Posted

    Hey.

    I've had OCD for about seven years and I have it like that too now and then. I used to find it very interesting to watch horror movies, thrillers, documentaries about murderers ect., but now I can't anymore because I started getting OCD obsessions about it. I got terrified of it. Also whenever I hear someone say a bad word related to murdering, hurting anyone or just a word I don't like then my OCD kicks in pretty bad and I have to compulsions to get rid of whatever horrible thought I'm having. It's really annoying! I'm scared I'm gonna end up doing whatever word I'm hearing, or that it's gonna happen to me. I understand you're frustrated about it. For example; when I watch something and someone say, for example, dead then I will hold my breath til they say something else. You won't end up like a horrible person for having obsessive thoughts about him.

    Good day xx

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    • Posted

      Yeah I’ve been avoiding violent things as well because they make me feel horrible. I recently heard that you shouldn’t avoid those things and avoiding them makes you more sensitive to I.t, so I thought I’d research further into the bad stuff instead of avoiding I.t and I.t sort of made me panic, I.t was a mistake. Thank you for your words!
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    • Posted

      Yes that's right. It's really hard to fight OCD alone though. My dad often says bad words I don't like out of no where and it's really annoying but he's actually helping me. I often freak out though, start screaming, holding my breath because I want him to say something else to get rid of my intrusive thoughts about whatever he said. I'm being a bit childish but I can't help it. Have you been on any medication? How long have this been going on?

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    • Posted

      I haven’t been on any medication, this particular thing (what I think is potentially harm ocd) has only been happening for about a month. I’ve had health concerns before that i think may have been signs of some obsessions, but nothing this bad. I was on a break from school when I.t started about a month ago, as soon as I got back I saw the counselor. She referred me to another counselor who specializes in these things who I’m seeing next week. And yeah I know I.t can be tough, you’ve been dealing with I.t a lot longer than I have thiugh. And at the same time I haven’t been diagnosed yet. I get scared because I don’t have compulsions or anything, and I start to think “do I have OCD or am I a bad person?” But I do avoid things and I do chant “I would never hurt anyone in my entire life” and “stop” in my head, so this could be something like that.
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    • Posted

      You're not a bad person for having disturbing intrusive thoughts. You can't control them, it's in your head. Something's not quite right in your brain and that's causing you these intrusive, unwanted thoughts. 

      The brain is an amazing machine that is constantly taking in sensory information and processing it in such a way to help each individual survive and prosper, but that's not how it works in the mind of a person with OCD. One of the most pervasive problems associated with OCD is intrusive thoughts. Someone with OCD is usually very sensitive to what is and isn’t considered socially or morally appropriate. Whenever a passing thought pops up that is in some way reprehensible, the OCD brain plays it out repeatedly causing severe anxiety. Frequently the only way to at least temporarily relieve this anxiety is to perform compulsive actions. That's why it's so hard to get rid of.

      For example one of the numbers I hate the most is two. It's been like that ever since I started getting OCD symptoms, I can't get rid of it, I don't know how to get my mind to stop seeing two as a 'bad number.'

      You say you don't have any obsession though. Have you read anything about primarily obsessional obsessive compulsive disorder? For people with primarily obsessional OCD, there are fewer observable compulsions, compared to those commonly seen with the typical form of OCD. While ritualizing and neutralizing behaviors do take place, they are mostly cognitive in nature, involving mental avoidance and excessive rumination. Primarily obsessional OCD often takes the form of intrusive thoughts of a distressing or violent nature.

      You're seeking help, you know this 'isn't you thinking these thoughts.' Intrusive thoughts are not in your control. You're not a bad person I promise. 

      Good day xx

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    • Posted

      Sorry I wrote "You say you don't have any obsession" what I meant to say was "You say you don't have any compulsions" 

      Need an edit button...

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  • Posted

    It depends what you feel when you read about what this oerson has done, when you imagine you doing the same or a similar thing when hurting people, do you feel horrified by it? Or do you feel happy? Or nothing at all? Alot of people have negative and intrusive thoughts when they are anxious or constantly stressed out, i was told by a cbt that “a thoughtie is not a naughty” that its not abnormal to have these thoughts in certain situations, you need to find what your trigger is and work on it from there.

    from what youve written, im assuming that you are a good person who would not intentionally set out to harm anybody, its normal to wonder why some people can do such abhorrent things to snother being, be it person or animal, if it does ge ui ely interest you enough to study,maybe look into a phychology/psychiatry course.

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    • Posted

      Thank you, and you’re right - I’m definitely disgusted by everything the person has done, and It hurts me to try to imagine it, so I really shouldn’t be worrying about me doing I.t - I just can’t STOP worrying about me becoming I.t. Hurting someone is the last thing I want to do though, so, that does make me feel better. Also yeah I am quite interested in the subject of psychology, but based off what I was saying I.t might make me feel worse, I don’t know. Thanks 
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  • Posted

    Have you been referred to the community mental health team?  They should help you with some medication, coping strategies and some help to combat this.  You are not terrible and will not end up like this person either it is just your brain working against you while you are vulnerable. 
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    • Posted

      It’s the counselor for my school. She did refer me to another counselour that she said she thinks has more of a focus in what I’m going through but not a community one, and she mentioned where I could seek medication. I’m not sure I want meds - the thought of possibly not being in control of myself is scary to me, but I’ll see what my new counselor says. Thank you
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