Harmful coping strategy
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My husband has PTSD. When he is triggered by his traumatic event he goes to reminders of a girl that was his best friend and whom he had a crush on at the time to help with the flashbacks. This girl was the only one there for him during that time and the only happy thought he has of the time of the event. He says that going to reminders of her is the only thing that helps. The problem is it feels like there is another woman in our marriage. His obsession with her seems to be entangled into everything in our life even to where he has treated me like her without my knowing. I don't know what in our relationship is ours and what is just an extension of what they had. It hurts a lot! I'm concerned that his obsession with her is to the point of an emotional affair and it is hurting our relationship tremendously. Our counselors agree that is is destructive to our marriage and he should work on new ways of dealing with triggers. He feels going to reminders of his friend is the only way and is concerned even after counseling and EMDR that he will always have to go to her. I'm not sure if this is the case or if he just doesn't want to give the obsession up? I'm not sure if his feeling for her are still romantic as he has hidden some things like this from me before. Is this a part of PTSD? Can anyone relate or can give feedback from a PTSD point of view? What helps you when you are triggered? Any help or insight would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!
0 likes, 2 replies
john_53927 VGirl
Posted
Hi VGirl
I have just read your post and the strain you are obviously under.
It's difficult to know where to start really. You do not mention the cause of your husband's trauma and when it actually started.
You ask about feedback in relation to PTSD. This mental illness differs from person to person and therefore is unique to every individual.
As far as my PTSD is concerned, I don't know what to expect on a daily, or hourly basis. My trauma(s) go back decades, and in my case I have come to terms with the fact that PTSD will be present for the rest of my life. I cope one day at a time.
However, your husband's situation may be vastly improved with treatment like EMDR. Some people who have experienced this go on to make a full recovery -
but not in my case as it's very complex.
Does your husband get night terrors or nightmares? I would point out that the two are not the same. Also, I find that flashbacks can occur completely out of the blue. As an example, placing a bank card into a cash machine can set off an 'attack' and it often leaves me frozen to the spot.
There are so many 'triggers' involved, and one has to deal with them when confronted at that particular moment in time. Does your husband relate in detail about his PTSD, and have you found that there is a general pattern? Is he very open about his issues? Some folk tend to avoid talking about PTSD but I find that this causes further problems.
As stated in past posts, I found that EMDR was not for me and I regret having it.
The second session knocked me out cold for about 24 hours and it did not help my suffering at all. But you should NOT think it's a waste of time because I know that a lot of people have responded extremely well to this therapy.
I have received cognitive therapy too, but some of my illness is so deeply entrenched that I'm unable to move forward. I've opted for large doses of medication, of many types, and I thank the good Lord that these drugs are available to us.
What about your husband? Does he take anything at all, or does he prefer not to do so? Modern medication can be very helpful as regards PTSD, but it often takes trial and error to find the best one that suits the patient.
Apart from PTSD, does your husband have a diagnosis of additional mental ill-health? It is important that the patient presents a full picture as possible so that he/she can receive the best treatment available.
I do not know what i can add at this time. I would opt for EMDR if your husband is willing and take matters from there on.
I hope that i have been of some benifit and it will be interesting to see what transpiers concerning your husband who no doubt loves you very much.
(Forgive the spelling mistakes as my memory and concentration have got worse with the cause unknown)
God Bless
John
VGirl john_53927
Posted
Thank you so much John! His PTSD is from one traumatic event that happened four years ago.(I don't know if he would wasn't me to go into details so to respect his privacy I'll leave it at that for now.). I know he has nightmares but I'm not sure on night terrors. He is willing to go into detail about what happened but will sometimes have a panic attack while doing so. He has had a couple of EMDR sessions but says they make him nauseous. His counselor suggested he go on medication but he would rather see if there are any other options before doing that. Thank you so much for your input John! God bless you too! :-)