Has depression broken my mind permanently?

Posted , 12 users are following.

I'm a 26 year old guy living in London and have been suffering from depression for about a year. It was only mild for a while but for the last 4 months has become so severe I sometimes struggle to lift my arms. Words can't describe how sad I feel all of the time. Every second of the day feels like an hour and I just cry over and over because of the pain I'm in. I think about suicide a lot but have not planned anything. It's more of a strange urge - if a truck or bus is coming down the road my brain says 'just quickly throw your head under the wheels and it'll all be over.' But I still have a logical part of my mind that knows it's a bad idea (and also extremely scary).

I wonder if this depression has broken my mind forever. And the reason for that is because instead of feeling like I have a veil of sadness over me, it feels like a veil of happiness has been removed and I'm now seeing the world for how it really is - pointless, full of pain and misery, selfish and cold.

It seems like all the healthy people are the ones being tricked by a veil into thinking life means anything. They are all distracted by things that just aren't important.

Now that I feel this way, I can't imagine ever believing in life again. Is my mind broken forever? 

2 likes, 11 replies

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11 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi I'm sorry your are experiencing all of these things.  It sounds like your mind has become very good at going to the sad scenarios and dwelling there.  It's like a bad habit.  It is not easy, but try to start  redirecting your thoughts...to anything positive....anything that has ever made you laugh.  I am in no way cured of depression.  It is an ongoing process.  I do take medication and it does help.  I don't think your mind is broken, but I do think it keeps doing what is comfortable....which are negative thoughts.

    I hope you feel better soon.

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  • Posted

    Hi Liam, depression is a horrible illness, your depressed state of mind is latching on to all the negative aspects of life and isn't allowing you to experience, feel or encompass yourself in all the good things in life, even simple things like a nice walk in the park or a good news story on tv, it's the nature of the illness. The world looks completely different when depression, there's always going to be sadness, pain and misery in the world which we have to experience but it is balanced with positivity, kindness, warmth and all the other good things humanity has we just lose sight of them.

    Your mind is not broken forever it's just not in a good place at the present time, medication helps restore the chemical imbalance and will give you a push in the right direction, these things take time but you do need help so if you've not seen your GP about the way you are feeling I'd recommend you do.

    When you remove the veil of happiness all your left with is the un happy aspects, equally if you remove the veil of sadness all your left with is a untopien view on life but we know it's impossible to remove either it's only our interpretation and experience that dictates how thoughts and feelings, unfortunately for you and millions of others the chemistry in our brains gets messed up and we don't see all the happy aspects. Perhaps you could bear in mind that for every negative thing that happens in our lives there is equally a positive aspects, I'm probably getting too deep now so just have some faith in you and that your not broken forever, the colour to your life will return. PM me if you want to discuss anything more, I've been through 6 episodes of depression and anxiety over that last 25 years and know exactly how you feel.

    Take care Liam. Neil 

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    • Posted

      I wanted to reply but didn’t have the energy plus some people I,e, you Aspinan are very good at getting this across in the right way.  Your post is very correct thank you and has helped.  One thing I’ve noticed is excitement goes, looking forward to something goes and numbness sets in.  Very horrible feeling having no excitement for things. X
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  • Posted

    Liam

    If not already you need to discuss your fears and depression, your GP can help with this and sometimes medications and support need to be given to calm your low mood and associated depression

    Remember a hypothetical saying You will be unable to clear the swamp when you are up to your waist in Alligators, You need some one who will help you avoid the negativity that surrounds your fears and negativity. Only then with this assistance will you be able to defeat those snapping jaws that keep you down and clear the swamp into a lake clear blue water that will help to clear your Depression

    BOB

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  • Posted

    Hi Liam - sorry to read of your situation. I can certainly relate, especially about seeing the world as it really is. I have resigned myself to having to endure this life until the end. I don't believe suicide is an option because we don't know what purpose there is in our suffering, that suicide cause pain for those left behind, and because suicide might be 'cheating' on the purpose of our existence. Meaning is found in the little things, even just sitting in the sun. It will take a while for you to slowly gain strength and find meaning again. You can get help through your doctor, meds will balance your mood and perhaps counselling if there are underlying issues causing your depression. It can be a daunting process, but it's worth the effort. Hang in there, we are always here to talk.

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  • Posted

    I can relate to how you’re feeling. It’s temporary. I’m sure you’ve been happy once in your life, you can achieve happiness again. It just takes time (don’t even get me started). Medication alongside therapy will help (one without the other won’t work) I’m on citalopram and it’s not at the right dosage and I’m therapy. Medication balances the chemicals and you will start to feel better I promise. See your doctor and discuss treatment options. Best wishes
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  • Posted

    Depression is a very sad place my friend liam51863 I know this all too well. I have major depression for the past year. I've lost hope. I feel the same as you!! I feel as though I will never get better or ever feel or think positive or happy. Everyone from loved ones to strangers seem so happy and I feel I'm in a dark world a different painful harsh world I feel like a scared child. Talk to Ne tell me more we can share feelings I'm very familiar with depression anxiety panic attacks ptsd paranoia etc etc take care talk soon

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  • Posted

    You ever heard of Jesus he can heal. This happen to me... And start looking and seeking God and he healed me.
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  • Posted

    No, your mind is NOT broken forever.  It was thought that your brain cannot change when you are an adult.  They are findint that is wrong.  Your brain is capable of finding new neural pathways to happiness.  It can be helped with therapy and the right combination medication.   I also pray alot that God will lead me to healing.
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  • Posted

    Liam

    Your Brain is not broken, when we are depressed the brain becomes less responsive because of your worries and concerns. It can take time to feel more responsive to life and all its problems

    You need to address what is causing your problems, they used to say if you  have upwards of five problems that are distracting your thoughts the brain can become confused because people are unable to cope with these worries. This is not set up in stone however we are all different.

    You need to try and isolate each problem in your minds eye, split each up into little bites and then address each of these chunks then move onto the next bite. If you get stuck move onto another problem or distraction and do the same thing, when you get stuck move on once more to another problem. Keep doing this until the big problems become less and less, eventually you will get your confidence back and those problems will get less and less.

    In my case I hope my concerns will be addressed in my own mid with assistance from my CPN then I will move on to a situation that will see me back performing all my interests once more. I still get all my reports from the committees I was on and I will be able to return. I need to regain my confidence so I can move on and be as rational as I was when before I took ill earlier on this year.

    We all have to try and address our problems with assistance from others who are more than qualified to help. Even family member may be able to help. Never be afraid not to ask for help, hopefully, eventually all will sort out and you will be able to move on.. Be strong and persistent you can and will beat this nasty condition

    BOB

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