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SW12345 SW12345

Has herpes ruined sex for me?

I was diagnosed with genital herpes (HSV1) about 4 months ago now. I must have got it from my boyfriend but we are still together and I am trying hard not to place blame. The first outbreak I had was absolute agony, I could hardly walk properly and had a fever and had to take time off. I have since had a few smaller outbreaks, noticeably triggered by wearing tight jeans and stress. Thinking about the fact I have herpes still makes me cry often, and I know life will always be a bit different to how I had intended it. However, my biggest concern is sex. Since the first outbreak, even when I am completely blister free, sex is very painful at the beginning and 9/10 times I will bleed afterwards. The pain is not psychological. I am really worried that this is the end of enjoyable sex for me, and I am only 21. If anyone else has encountered this, please please share your story with me, I really need a sense of hope. Equally if anyone has any suggestions on how to make this stop I would be very grateful

14 Replies

  • eugene70527 eugene70527 SW12345

    I know you don't want to place the blame, but if your boyfriend knew he had herpes and still had sex with you, do you want to be with a person like that? Remember I said if!

    • nelly123 nelly123 eugene70527

      Gees Eugene you must be really upset with the guy who gave it to you, yes I was but now it's the matter of trying to deal with what you have got it's not no blaming game on this forum it's all about trying to support others and hep by passing on little tips what helped you. 

    • eugene70527 eugene70527 nelly123

      I don't like liars and cheaters, especially when they can cause physical harm and mental anguish to an innocent person. Nelly, you hit the nail right on the head! If two people are going to have sex then they must take responsibility for their actions. Now I will not have sex with someone unless they can prove they are STD free and still I will be careful.

    • SW12345 SW12345 eugene70527

      Hi Eugene, unfortunately he didn't know he had it. Before sleeping together we both had a full STD test but, as I'm sure you know, herpes usually doesn't show up unless there is an active outbreak. That is one of the hardest things with herpes is that many people don't even know they have it yet can still pass it on. My boyfriend has never cheated on me, nor lied, it is an unfortunate consequence of his past. 

  • mandyhappygolucky mandyhappygolucky SW12345


            Sorry to hear your going through such a bad time, I have HSV too have done for a 4/5 years and things really do get better, you learn to deal with it. Bleeding after sex sounds like another problem, one not necessarily associated with STD/STI's, like endometriosis, I'd suggest asking for a smear or talkiing to your doctor or both really would be a safe option.

    HSV is a crappy deal but things could always be worse, HSV-1 is not as bad as HSV-2, you will have less outbreaks with type 1 than type 2 which is something to be relieved about and even though you have HSV it wont ruin your sex life, I'm sure once you go to the doctors and explain about the pian and bleeding they will find the problem and you'll be back on track. Chin up.

    Mandy smile

  • angelpiece angelpiece SW12345

    Hey! Im in my early twenties also and have genital hsv1, I got it nearly 2 years ago from a random hook up (I know, very classy) when I found out I was torn up, had to google translate an informative letter to the guy that he should be careful next time (he didnt understand lol) but then realised it was just as equally my fault for not taking the same precautions. At first I wasnt sure whether I got it from an ex who had an oral coldsore outbreak just prior to our break up, or whether it was the rebound that I got it from, but the thought from getting it from my ex was somewhat more soothing to my mind. It reassured me that because it came from someone I love, I couldnt regret it perse.. turns out it was the rebound anyway.

    A relationship makes it different I guess, because you feel like youve been betrayed on some level? 

    Does your boyfriend help you? On the upside, you both now have it which could make things a little easier. except that if one of you has an outbreak one week and then the other the next week.. thats two weeks of no or painfulsex! god forbid you get your period the next week lol! 

    Im only making a joke because I completely and utterly understand where youre coming from and get the same frustration about painful sex and sensitive skin. 

    Although people tel me its type 1 so I shouldnt get as many outbreaks, its almost every month at the moment. My triggers are also stress, certain pads, fresh underwear (as in, straight out of the wash rather than being in the cupboard for a couple days before wearing), even thinking about getting an outbreak gives me an outbreak! I find salt water helps, when I go to the beach everyday things seem a lot more under control, also zinc tablets when I get an outbreak help heal them more quickly. as well as some other supplements to help the immune system,  best to ask your doctor before taking anything.

    As you are finding with tight jeans and stress,  youll discover more and more about yourself the longer you have it. you might find it seems to dissappear after some time and not return, or it might impact you more heavily and you might be hindered from walking again. But if the latter is the case, there are ways to help keep on top of it. Medication is meant to help prevent outbreaks and lessen the time the virus is active.


    If you havent already I suggest doing as much research as possible about the virus. I found that I only accepted myself once I had done hours of reading on everything about it. also opening up and sharing with people closest to me helped a lot, its like once youve said it outloud, a weight is lifted off. 

    Try and understand your boyfriend as much as you can, that he too has to deal with it himself, and the guilt of giving it to you. I know its hard, and sometimes it will be worse than others. But you can and will enjoy sex again!! If your partner is careful and you both take it slow to begin with, its can get easier and then the pleasure kind of outweighs the irritation making it unnoticeable, somewhat.

    Go see a doctor for the bleeding! 

    I hope it all gets better for you!

  • leif0512 leif0512 SW12345

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  • Savvy22 Savvy22 SW12345

    Dear SW12344, I read the forum and would very much like to adk how things are now? I had herpes over a month ago,l and keep having light bleedings during sex since rhe infection. And I never used to have that! The internet stories about cancer really scare me and I am doing an internship abroad now so cannot really visit my GP. Could you please reply??

  • sarah42501 sarah42501 SW12345

    If the ulcers get infected, they can cause cervicitis, which can cause symptoms such as pain during sex, unusual vaginal discharge or abnormal bleeding. It is not common for herpes to cause cervicitis and the risk of this happening is minimal.

  • k13308 k13308 SW12345

    I was diagnosed with HSV 2 and I also had developed bacterial vaginosis, when I went to get a physical they gave me cream to take the BV away.  I had irregular bleeding too, it was either my hormones coming off of birth control, or it was due to my Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, or it was due to my bacterial vaginosis.  But I bled for weeks at a time, got it under control but now I notice that when I get germs in there from something, I bleed.  So I looked it up and a woman on Youtube made a video about how she sat in a small bowl in hot concentrated salt water to naturally cure her bacterial vaginosis.  I always tend to do this when I think I have itching from bacterial vaginosis but then it ends up that it is a herpes sore.  The times I did this it helped after a week, but Im wondering if discharge and itching just happens with every outbreak.  She wasnt a medical professional and neither am I, but the salt water vapors are supposed to get up there and cure the BV.  So if it is painful and you have bleeding, do you have BV?  Thats what happened to me I think.

    • k13308 k13308

      Each time I did this, I only sat in the salt water once for two 10 minute back to back rounds, thats all I can handle, and it was for germs.  Now im itchy just thinking of this. LOL.

  • meghan02140 meghan02140 SW12345

    Hey SW12345,

    I am 17 and was diagnosed a week before my Prom with Herpes and its been hard... Knowing that I'm not even legal yet and I've already started out wrong but hey I try to stay positive even though its all negative when the outbreaks come but .. You've helped me understand what happened today after I had sex with my guy friend I started bleeding and I kind of freaked out but I've been reading on it and its possibilities that it could have been from having sex with the lack of lube or wetness or even just from the roughness of it however it could be from having herpes also cause it hurted so bad as soon as he slid in I hardly got pleasure out of any of it ... I caught herpes from a guy friend and what kills me is the fact that I don't know if he gave it to me knowing he had it or not knowing he did... Life is full of surprises and just ...regrets ... Yes regrets sad... I wrote to you to just say that I sympathize with you and I understand .. I do

  • Purplestar80 Purplestar80 SW12345

    Hello I was diagnosed with herpes last week it has been really hard this days ,to many questions of who gave it to me  if I had it for a while or it's just recently I don't know how to react to this I feel bad I guess I have heard to many bad stories I just need something that will make me feel better about myself I don't know what is the next step who do I tell can someone please tell me something that will make me feel better

  • j24646 j24646 SW12345

    I was diagnosed with genital herpes type 1 on December 19th. It is now December 30th. Let me tell you it has not been easy. When I found out I cried and cried. All I could think about was that I had herpes and that it was forever. I'm in a committed relationship of 6 months. My boyfriend had a cold sore and he went down on me. About 3 days later I started to feel really sick. I felt like I had a terrible fever. It hurt to pee. My body ached everywhere. After my very emotional doctors visit I was prescribed that medicine that starts with a v. lol I can't figure out how to pronounce it or spell it. I had one ulcer and four bumps. 3 of which went away without much problem. I credit this to tea tree oil. It was like magic. It helped them heal so quickly. The ulcer is what hurt the most. It hurt to sit and move around, no one should have to feel that kind of discomfort. As if being a woman and having a period isn't hard enough now I must deal with this. Such an innocent mistake and it sucks. I wish someone would have taught me more about what can happen. I didn't even know a cold sore was a form of herpes. Anyway last night my boyfriend and I had sex again for the first time in like two weeks. He used a condom but about 5 minutes in we noticed I was bleeding. I'm due for my period (which I got today). I thought that's what it was last night but I think my period and maybe being a little emotional about having sex again since been diagnosed gave me a little sore just inside of me. And I think that's what caused the bleeding. But I have so many fears. I want sex to be enjoyable and loving for both of us like it use to be. I'm only 20. Anyway as for anyone struggling right now. Stay strong. I've been eating pretty healthy lately and doing soo much research my brain could explode. I think it's my way of coping. Feeling like I can be in control of it. I also love natural remedies. I use aloe Vera gel. 100 percent natural of course. I rub that down there and it's very soothing. Coconut oil, vitamin E oil, and mainly tea tree oil have been my saving grace. Always go the natural route first! Also great foods to get use to are apples and garlic. Stay strong everyone. I know it's hard. You will cry a lot and feel hopeless. But the sun will shine again... 

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