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Hi I have always suffered with generalised anxiety disorder and I can't really tell you why. But I can tell you that I have never got on very well with my dad. All through my child hood it was very much his way or the highway. He would go to work, come home and have a sleep on the sofa, then go to the pub for two or three pints. This was generally what happened every night. He would not engage in playing with us or taking any interest In Our school activities. Unless I was being bullied then he would take great comfort in telling me that I need to hit them back and make sure I get the last punch in. He also dismisses any idea I ever have to better myself by telling me that " it's not as easy as that " or play it safe and stay as you are" when we were kids he would go mad if we made too much noise walking up the stairs, playing in our room, the doors always had to be shut, basically we had to be seen but not heard. He would never help with homework, attend parents evenings, say well done, encourage me or my brother to try new things. If we got in the way he would say move out my bloody way but he would say it in this nasty voice. He is a big man standing at 6ft 2 inches and weighs 18 stone. So pretty intimidating. I have a vivid memory of my dad launching my he man castle grey skull across the room at my Nans when we were kids because I annoyed him. I'm my teens I started to feel anxious and really needed encouragement and guidance and got nothing. So I started to feel quite angry and my dad couldn't handle me and we fell out a lot. I started work and became an electrician and I tried to talk to him about going self employed and explained that it was something I really wanted to do but by the end of the conversation he had talked me out of it and made me feel worthless. Play it safe he said, job for life where you are he said, you don't wanna take risks he said. Thing is because this is all I've ever heard all my life I now have no confidence in my self and have anxiety issues which hold me back. Now that I have my own family I have started to see my dad in myself and really don't want my kids to feel like my dad made me feel. I feel that if my dad hadn't of treated me like he did o would not be anxious and miserable all the time. Today is Boxing Day and we went to my mums and dads for dinner. My dad spoke to my daughter like he used to speak to me in that negative loud tone and I kicked off at him. We ended up going home. Can anyone else relate to this or tell me if these experiences have caused my anxiety?
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