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Hate myself for not stopping

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LunarDog
LunarDog

So I'm what they call a binge drinker, I don't drink every day, sometimes not a week or so and sometimes when I do I am sensible.. But.. And this the bad part... A lot of times when I do, I will knock back the drink until I blackout (in the memory sense) and be a a total embarrassing idiot. I have done this for years and have tried to stop on so many occasions and failed. I have tried AA but really don't get or like it. Tried counselling. Self help books. And all that. None of worked in the long term. I hate myself for being so pathetic and always letting myself down. What else can I do to help me stop drinking for good? I've taken overdoses when I've been wasted and had no recollection of doing so and woke up in hospital. One day I will unintentionally kill myself. But even knowing that doesn't stop me...

0 likes, 19 replies

19 Replies

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  • RHGB
    RHGB LunarDog

    Posted

    Do you really want to give up for good? Have you sat down and thought about it, what it means, never to have another drink again?
    • LunarDog
      LunarDog RHGB

      Posted

      What do you mean? Not sure I get where you are coming from
    • RHGB
      RHGB LunarDog

      Posted

      It is quite plain, they are very straight forward, just answer them, if you want advice, because I need to know your thought process.

      If you hadn't experienced it yourself, I would have told you what to expect from the AA, GP and the alcohol recovery charity that you went to.

  • haggis1966
    haggis1966 LunarDog

    Posted

    Don't kill your self please. I'm just like you but am trying aa. Some of the groups are weird but found a god one and they are helping me adjust to other meetings. Have you spoken to them about getting a sponsor?
    • LunarDog
      LunarDog haggis1966

      Posted

      I don't intend on it but I can't vouch for myself when I'm drunk! No I went along to some but found them to be quite negative and unhelpful for me personally and didn't find anyone I could really speak to which is what I think might help more than listening to stories?
    • haggis1966
      haggis1966 LunarDog

      Posted

      Hi sweetie sorry your experience has been poor next step is doctor - do it! Keep talking to me x
    • LunarDog
      LunarDog haggis1966

      Posted

      I have been docs in past and they just give me a number for drink counselling place or sent me there which I have also tried a few or more times and it didn't help.. Think I might just be a lost cause lol
  • emma84640
    emma84640 LunarDog

    Posted

    Aw that is how it started for me. Then it became more and more frequent. The blackouts and what I would do when out of it shameful. I found counselling and talking about booze made me think about it more lol. I referred myself to cri alcohol outreach and they said they only give anti craving meds if you intend to quit altogether and must show abstinence before they will prescribe. Surely you don't need meds then and can do it on your own. They got me to speak to an ex crack addict who said the only way is to quit. But seems to hard at times.... Have you ever overdosed when sober? What have you taken to end up in hospital? Do people you are around at the time tell you what happened to lead you to react like that when drunk ie an argument perhaps? X
    • LunarDog
      LunarDog emma84640

      Posted

      I totally relate to the comment about counselling, thought it was just me lol. I have taken anything and everything I could find and nope there was no reason behind it, just seems to be some switch that has sometimes triggered when I black out and I want to end it all. But as you know I'm sure, the memories never resurface to try and make sense of the madness. How are doing now?
    • ursulauc62
      ursulauc62 LunarDog

      Posted

      Hi there Lunar,

      I tried counselling and AA and found that AA wasnt for me either. I do know that binge drinking is dreadful for the people who do it, and those close to them. I was a binge drinker for a number of years - sometimes with weeks, even months of soberness, then off on a binge again.

      I have ended up in hospital quite often, sometimes just after blacking out in some pub or club, sometimes after falling and cracking my head.

      Something in me finally just changed, and I just didnt have the impulse to drink any more.

      I had just read youre post and there was a phone call from my brother-in-law with a message saying my sister had just been admitted to the local hospital A and E after cracking her head after a fall, and needs stiches.

      He sounded pretty upset. I've been trying to call him, but I think theres no signal in the hospital. Just waiting for another call.

      I know she was drunk - she drinks 2-3 bottles of wine a night. She didnt really want to stop, but I hope this makes her want to.

      We are here to help and support her when she does want to.  She didnt even go out to drink, so must have fallen at home. 

      A doctor once said to me one morning after I had been admitted to hospital drunk with a cut on my head - You do realize that the way you drink is the most dangerous way of drinking.

      Even then I didnt stop for a few years.  I'm doing pretty well currently. I just hope my sister and yourself can  find the motivation and help to cut down/stop.

      Lots of Luck.

    • Robin2015
      Robin2015 ursulauc62

      Posted

      thanks Ursula you said it !! Also RHGB who is always upfront and asking necessary question?? What are you looking for?? I say: "have you reached rock bottom"?? Robin
    • emma84640
      emma84640 LunarDog

      Posted

      Aw I'm up and down. One minute so so low I then drink in mornings but if I don't go crazy on drink the night before or none at all, the next morning I feel top of the world. Mad why we do this to ourselves xx
    • h1954
      h1954 emma84640

      Posted

      Know what you mean Emma. When I'm feeling great having not drunk (too much) I think I must remember this feeling and when I feel dreadful having drunk too much I think the same, but when it comes to drinking again I don't think to remember, or if I do it doesn't make any difference. How can we help ourselves remember?
  • h1954
    h1954 LunarDog

    Posted

    Hi , Lunar, it's great that you recognise how things are and want to change. Surely you do not want to kill yourself. RHGB asks a good question - what actually do you want. Do you want never ever to have a drink again for the rest of your life. Or do you want to be able yo drink in moderation. Because knowing your aim will help you decide which route to take to achieve it. There are medications that will help, different for each aim. Others on this forum can describe them better than me. And when you have that information you can discuss it with your doctor. I wish you all the best
    • LunarDog
      LunarDog h1954

      Posted

      No definitely not but all rationality goes out the window when im drunk. Tried so many times with the moderation thing and doesn't work, if I could do that it would be good but I don't think that's an option. I feel a bit lost with it all and I'm sick and tired of it all and just wish I could stop. I have AF (most probably through drinking) and I have to be careful what meds I can take as they can affect my heart so bit limited on that front.
    • h1954
      h1954 LunarDog

      Posted

      Hi Lunar - yesterday I went to the funeral of a friend who had AF and drank heavily. Please keep following this forum because you'll find out about things like the Sinclair method which Missy mentioned and also drugs to stop cravings if you want total abstinence, and then armed with that info you can discuss it with your gp. Google alcohol use disorder too as Angel mentioned. Good luck - stick with it.

      (Autocorrect put shrank instead of drank before I noticed it - made me chuckle)

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