Hating my desperation

Posted , 6 users are following.

i am trying so very hard to better my health for myself and for my little boy. i will never understand how the mind works, i question my sanity ALL the time because i do have some stupid thoughts but mainly because i just want to feel somewhat normal about day to day things and im frustrated that it all seems a universe away 😦 it has taken me 11 months since my official breakdown to pluck up the courage to take the sertraline. i cant stop checking every sensation in my body and im driving myself nuts. i am terrified of choking, dry heaving, vomiting and having the knowledge that this medication is inside of me is sending me over the edge. how am i going to continue??? last night was 5th dose of 12.5mg. i dont think ive had any particular side effects apart from severe anxiety about taking them which leads to no appetite and dizziness. i keep freaking out very easily that im just going to start feeling or being sick at any moment. i hate feeling so desperate. im a 32yr old grown up but i feel like a scared little girl 😦

0 likes, 18 replies

18 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi April,

    its normal to feel scared and i have found that it actually has increased my anxiety. Today was a harder day for me... Its day 7 for me and ive been more anxious today and its been really hard!

    its so draining because you just become so tired of yourself and the way you feel and the meds are supposed to help but sometimes it feels like its making it worse..!!!! but from what ive read in the first few weeks thats normal for it to be worse.. So stick to it, just tell yourself that this pill is helping you and will make you feel so much better in a few short weeks. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!! 😃 xo

    • Posted

      its taken me an hour to eat half a banana. im balling my eyes out in my bed whilst my mum battles with my toddler son downstairs. i fee so consumed by my problems. how am i going to take 25mg???

  • Posted

    It is scary taking medicine, but you've shown yourself to have tremendous courage trying to improve your health for yourself and your little boy. Well done! The tablets can increase your anxiety and reduced your appetite to start with, so don't think it's just down to you. I found eating a little something before taking the tablet made me feel less nauseous. 12.5 mg is a very low dose so hopefully you won't experience too many side effects. Get settled on that dose before you think about increasing.

  • Posted

    Hi April, unfortunately with this medication, it sometimes gets worse before it gets better and you have to try to ride it out...because it WILL work, it unfortunately just takes time. And yes, you should slowly increase with doctor supervision because what you are currently on isn't a high enough dose to help you. If you keep increasing, around 6 weeks you will start having better days and by 12 weeks the good days will take over. I know now every day, every hour even, feels like an eternity and you can't even imagine 6 weeks from now... but just keep telling yourself you won't always feel like this, what you have is just an illness no different from any other physical illness, this one is just attacking your brain instead of other parts of your body. And you will heal!!! I watched my daughter go through this - she couldn't even get out of bed, she just stared at the wall or sobbed. She is now better than ever, totally cured, happy, healthy and off the meds. It will happen for you too and you have people here pulling for you! I hope you also have a good therapist because the meds go hand in hand with therapy. My daughter still sees her therapist.

  • Posted


    All I can say is hang in there , you have made a very brave step.It took me 48 years to realise medication may help - and it did!Just like you I started on 12.5mg side effects were minor , after 2 weeks I moved upto 50mg with some side effects drowsiness being one of them, this lasted a month or so.I wanted to give up but listened to my GP and persevered - and it was so worth it!It took 13 weeks for me to feel myself again , it is a drug which works slowly.I stayed on 50mg for 12 months then down to 12.5mg and I am myself , a happy , caring and strong individual.My aim is to wean off in 10 months time but if I need to stay on sertraline for the rest of my life , I accept this.

    I would trawl all the posts to give me hope particularly in the first 13 weeks - I hope this has helped.Remember your little boy will be so pleased to see you become more yourself but also remember you're doing it for you , you deserve to feel better.Keep going and take care xx

    • Posted

      Really interested it took you 13 weeks to feel better. I'm on 8 weeks and had really hoped to feel better than I do.

    • Posted


      I kept a diary and you see changes very slowly , it was a tortuous wait but hang in there !!

    • Posted

      Thanks. Really feeling frustrated today. Any idea how you felt at the 8 week mark? Looking for any encouragement.

    • Posted

      Just had a look at my diary , by week 8 my anxiety had more or less gone and there were odd glimpses of improved mood - I also wrote that my husband had heard me laugh and commented on it - as that had not happened for a very long time.This medication develops very slow changes which are not obvious particularly if , like me you want to be better NOW!

      Keeping yourself busy either through work or exercise , hobbies or household tasks helps focus the mind on things other than how you're feeling - you will get there!

    • Posted

      Thanks for taking the time to reply. What a good idea to keep a diary! I felt very despondent yesterday! as although there have been some improvements, like reduced anxiety, I still don't feel like me and am not getting back to normal activities yet. I try to keep busy with jobs in the house and garden and try to take a bike ride most days! but I feel so bored and unmotivated to venture out to do more. I hope the lack of motivation is just another side effect of the tablets.

    • Posted

      hey jgloucs how are you getting on?

      8 weeks on 50mg now isn't it?

      I'm week 4 and struggling a fair bit. was checking in to see how you are getting on. hopefully you've had some improvements even if it's only a little.

    • Posted

      Hi Potato,

      Yes, 8 weeks and definitely improvement in anxiety, but ocd still got a way to go. I push myself to do things and just hope that they will eventually work. Hate the lack of motivation but am hoping it's another side effect of the tablets.

      Please tell me you're starting to see some improvement.

    • Posted

      im not fairing to well at all. i really struggled to get some food into me yesterday and i had extreme anxiety about taking last nights dose. today ive had a panic attack. my mental health support worker came over and i just knew it was going to happen. i couldnt even look at her let alone speak 😦 i know im not going to feel anything at this dose. im introducing it like this to lessen the chances of me vomiting as much as i possibly can 😦 ive felt so much anxiety today i can barely eat. i tool 0.25 lorazepam to help my attack and it allowed me to eat some toast 😦 i honestly dont know how im going to get through this

    • Posted

      that's really good you are better anxiety wise x still time for improvement so that's good too x hopefully it is just a side effect and it will pass for you pretty soon x pushing yourself to do things will help that happen too x

      I had a few days where I felt a little better but gone backwards again now x today has been tough with lower mood.

      yesterday was more anxiety x its a rough old road isnt it x

    • Posted

      It is a rough ride. It's so good you had a glimpse of feeling better, it shows the tablets are working. Always disappointing to find you feel worse after feeling better for a bit. I'm sure you're on the road to recovery. Are you able to get out?

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